When do you/did you plan on telling your child that he/she was adopted? I am struggling with this. I love my son so much and because I spent 64 days in the nicu with him I feel like I gave birth to him. KWIM??? I love him so much and I want him to know that always. I have been praying like crazy for the right words to come to me when the time is right. He will be 6 next month. I just don't know. What are you thinking???
TIA~
Kelly
__________________ Bill To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Kelly 10/02/1993
Andrew 4/21/2000 26 weeks
Alivia 8/19/2003 22 weeks missing you baby girl
Connor 1/13/2005 31 weeks
Noah 11/05/2007 37 weeks
Joseph 3/18/2009 32 weeks
HI, With my daughter, adoption was always part of her life and vocabulary. She grew up with her birthday and her adoption day being celebrated. By doing that I didn't have to face what your facing now so my advice is not based on experience. I would start by explaining that children come to families in several different ways. Sometimes they come through the birth process and sometimes they come through a different process. There's birthed kids, step-kids, adopted kids, foster kids, etc. All come to the family in different ways, different, but equally special. I never wanted to make adoption more special (by saying "you're special because we got to choose you" and things like that) because of the chance that I might give birth (remote chance, but still possible) one of these days.
I hope that helped and I didn't come across as just rambling. Sometimes I do that!
Julia
With us too its just always been apart of what we talk about .. DS has his "story of me" that I tell him in simple form about our adoption process to get him .. I will elaborate as the time is appropriate with his age ...
I think its not too late to make a 'story of your son' and incorporate it in his life about how there was you wanting a child more than anything at all and how he came about needing a family and you met up and you doted on him while he was growing in the hospital and loved him from the first moment etc...I mean totally make it your own, I think for our DS hearing it in a story form allows him to pick what he wants to take from it...
I dont expect him to understand at just 4 but it lays the foundation for later...
IMHO I would want to know all along I was adopted instead of being surprised at 18 or so...a whole lot of identity and other issues arise then that could have already been dealt with during the course of his life...
This again is my opinion, you have all baby pictures etc and could not tell him if you chose
In the end he is your son, its your choice and he will love you no matter what
Good luck with your decision
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My girls were older and came from another country so they understand real well... But I can't imagine not knowing.. It would break my heart to suddenly find out I was adopted.
I agree with everybody else here that I think it's important to start out with complete honesty. A social worker at our agency that was adopted as an infant said that her mom made it a point to say something positive about her adoption every time she changed her diapers. So she grew up always knowing and found comfort in it. I really like what the other Jewel/Julia said above and celebrating the finalization day! I think we'll do that too!
Julia
__________________ "To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children...to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...THIS IS TO HAVE SUCCEEDED" Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Our sons will be almost 6 & 7 1/2 when the adoption is final, but since it's thru DCS, they already know. However, there are some things they do not know about that we will need to tell them when we feel the time is right. We plan on waiting to tell them after our youngest graduates high school as it could greatly effect their education.
If it was telling them about being adopted, I would talk about it from the start. My biological dad left when I was a baby, but I always knew he wasn't around. It was a simple, "Your daddy didn't love mommy anymore" answer when I was 3 and as I got older, I was told more.
Perhaps you could watch the Adoption Stories on Discovery and use that as an opportunity to talk about adoption.
***Hugs***
Tina
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I'm gonna stop looking back and starting moving on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, without any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah, I wanna be running
When the sand runs out
- Rascall Flatts "When the Sand Runs Out"
Thank you all so much for your input. We are DEFINATLY going to tell him..that's not even a question in our minds. I just don't know how to bring it up. We have the story Tell me Again About the Day I was Born. We have read that alot. I just want to say the right thing you know? I have a friend that was adopted and he didn't find out until we were in highschool and he was not happy about that. So I know the time is coming soon. Thanks so much!
Kelly
__________________ Bill To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Kelly 10/02/1993
Andrew 4/21/2000 26 weeks
Alivia 8/19/2003 22 weeks missing you baby girl
Connor 1/13/2005 31 weeks
Noah 11/05/2007 37 weeks
Joseph 3/18/2009 32 weeks
If I were in your shoes, I'd let your son know right away. He is six years old so it shouldn't be traumatic. Children are very resiliant and accepting. As long as he knows that you are never going to abandon him, he will be o.k.
Can I ask you guys something????? 
