Can I get any worse?

anglewormm · 05-16-2008, 06:56 AM

Of course, but right now it feels like the worst is here.

I have been battling skin issue for over a year. I finally got a dx and some meds, but the doxepin made matters worse. It made me crazy! I wasn't the nicest person to be around. I only took it for 3 days, but the side affect was too much.

I feel like I am losing control of my life, which I don't think I have had control of in quite some time.

Life was going great, finally found someone to help with the PCOS by gettting me on Met. I had lost over 70lbs, gotten pg (not planned), then lost weight again after giving birth to a beauty. Then again pg not planned. During the 7th month when they check blood sugars (which my dr should have been paying close attention to all along (I thought he was)), I started to get an itch in the girly area. He keep telling me that it was just because of excess moisture. How could it be? I had no excess moisture. Interestingly enough I was too dry down there. I began to use a cream for the itch, which didn't work after a while without using more than the recommended. I again asked for help. Again he said it was moisture and hormones. After giving birth to my 2nd beauty, the itch got even more intense. By Thanksgiving, I had been dealing with itching and had even stopped going outside the house except to go to the store when I "had" to. I then had been to see 2 drs, 1 derm, 1 NP, the ER for horrific pain and swelling to the girlie area, and no one was really helping. I went back to the NP and she gave me Lexapro (for PPD) and Vicodin (for the pain). She also told me to stop putting anything on down there and wear nothing but a dress or skirt. Yeah right, with 2 babies and no where to shop for my size, like that was going to happen. About a month ago, I gave up and went to see my first gyn. She did a biopsy, the nurse told me it was Lichen Sclerosis and they gave me the same cream that my derm gave me in ointment form. All it did was burn like the ointment did. I went back to the derm last week and he read my biopsy and it seems that she told me the wrong thing, treatment was right but not in cream form. I have Lichen Simplex Chronicus. There is a huge difference in terms of healing, but the treatment is much the same. I had been living the last month thinking I had a horrible disease that I would never be rid of which stressed me out and my depression got worse. I was off the Lexapro at that time.

So, I start to research this problem and it is just eczema that is caused by stress. Gee, never guess why I got it. It seems that when I am stress, I itch, then scratch and the cycle begins. Then I got depressed because of this not going away, which in turn made the issue that much worse. For months on end, my babies had to hear moma crying and the oldest comforted me instead of me comforting her. I have spent hundreds of $$ on anti-itch for down there, not to mention the $$ for the appointments, $$ for the pads to keep my undies from getting yucky, and the fuel to get to the places to get these things.

I have yelled at my babies, yelled at my Dh, hated myself, yelled at god, crying so much that we shouldn't have a drought this summer, told my Dh that he probably should take the girls and run, and countless other things. I haven't gotten to spend much time with my friends, can't go to the store for more than 1 hour at a time, didn't get to spend enough time with my family while they were here at Christmas (first time in 7 years we spent the holiday together), no birthday party with friends for either girl this year, and who knows what else I missed. I am so darn depressed that if it wasn't for my girls needing me and my Dh, I would just whither away. I can't stand pain, so to kill myself isn't the answer, no worries there. I feel like I am ruining my families lives. My 2 year old tells me I can't be in the bathroom. That is where I do my crying, while trying to fix the itch without scratching. She hates it when I have to go potty because she knows I will be in there for a while to relieve the pressure. Just sitting adds pressure and makes it itch or hurt.

Tomorrow, or rather in the morning, I am calling the derm back to see if he can prescibe a new med for the dep. Hopefully it won't be so bad. All the Lexapro did was make me a zombie.

If you have read all of this, thanks. I know we are all here for the same thing and it is nice to have a place to talk about the problems. But why in the world do we have to be blessed with more than one problem at a time?

Lia · 06-06-2008, 12:22 AM

Hi!

I just wanted to let you know that I have read all of it, and I keep asking myself the same question, why did I get more than one problem at once... it seems that people don't understand how hard it is, daily, every hour and every minute to deal with all this stuf...

but at least you know what it was, and sometimes we find out the hard way, I wish doctors found things the first time and I with we didn't have to deal with all this guess work... don't let life break you, I know it's easier said than done (I'm having a horrible evening myself) but at least you're not alone, right?

huuuuuugs

quote=anglewormm;1889203056]Of course, but right now it feels like the worst is here.

I have been battling skin issue for over a year. I finally got a dx and some meds, but the doxepin made matters worse. It made me crazy! I wasn't the nicest person to be around. I only took it for 3 days, but the side affect was too much.

I feel like I am losing control of my life, which I don't think I have had control of in quite some time.

Life was going great, finally found someone to help with the PCOS by gettting me on Met. I had lost over 70lbs, gotten pg (not planned), then lost weight again after giving birth to a beauty. Then again pg not planned. During the 7th month when they check blood sugars (which my dr should have been paying close attention to all along (I thought he was)), I started to get an itch in the girly area. He keep telling me that it was just because of excess moisture. How could it be? I had no excess moisture. Interestingly enough I was too dry down there. I began to use a cream for the itch, which didn't work after a while without using more than the recommended. I again asked for help. Again he said it was moisture and hormones. After giving birth to my 2nd beauty, the itch got even more intense. By Thanksgiving, I had been dealing with itching and had even stopped going outside the house except to go to the store when I "had" to. I then had been to see 2 drs, 1 derm, 1 NP, the ER for horrific pain and swelling to the girlie area, and no one was really helping. I went back to the NP and she gave me Lexapro (for PPD) and Vicodin (for the pain). She also told me to stop putting anything on down there and wear nothing but a dress or skirt. Yeah right, with 2 babies and no where to shop for my size, like that was going to happen. About a month ago, I gave up and went to see my first gyn. She did a biopsy, the nurse told me it was Lichen Sclerosis and they gave me the same cream that my derm gave me in ointment form. All it did was burn like the ointment did. I went back to the derm last week and he read my biopsy and it seems that she told me the wrong thing, treatment was right but not in cream form. I have Lichen Simplex Chronicus. There is a huge difference in terms of healing, but the treatment is much the same. I had been living the last month thinking I had a horrible disease that I would never be rid of which stressed me out and my depression got worse. I was off the Lexapro at that time.

So, I start to research this problem and it is just eczema that is caused by stress. Gee, never guess why I got it. It seems that when I am stress, I itch, then scratch and the cycle begins. Then I got depressed because of this not going away, which in turn made the issue that much worse. For months on end, my babies had to hear moma crying and the oldest comforted me instead of me comforting her. I have spent hundreds of $$ on anti-itch for down there, not to mention the $$ for the appointments, $$ for the pads to keep my undies from getting yucky, and the fuel to get to the places to get these things.

I have yelled at my babies, yelled at my Dh, hated myself, yelled at god, crying so much that we shouldn't have a drought this summer, told my Dh that he probably should take the girls and run, and countless other things. I haven't gotten to spend much time with my friends, can't go to the store for more than 1 hour at a time, didn't get to spend enough time with my family while they were here at Christmas (first time in 7 years we spent the holiday together), no birthday party with friends for either girl this year, and who knows what else I missed. I am so darn depressed that if it wasn't for my girls needing me and my Dh, I would just whither away. I can't stand pain, so to kill myself isn't the answer, no worries there. I feel like I am ruining my families lives. My 2 year old tells me I can't be in the bathroom. That is where I do my crying, while trying to fix the itch without scratching. She hates it when I have to go potty because she knows I will be in there for a while to relieve the pressure. Just sitting adds pressure and makes it itch or hurt.

Tomorrow, or rather in the morning, I am calling the derm back to see if he can prescibe a new med for the dep. Hopefully it won't be so bad. All the Lexapro did was make me a zombie.

If you have read all of this, thanks. I know we are all here for the same thing and it is nice to have a place to talk about the problems. But why in the world do we have to be blessed with more than one problem at a time?[/quote]

anglewormm · 06-12-2008, 12:56 AM

Thanks for reply. I did call the derm and he told me it was good to stop the med, but told me just to take zirtec instead. It hasn't helped one bit.

I am convinced now that my biggest problem is Sleep apnea, that it is what is causing the stress, the itching, the depression, etc. However, until I get the problem down below fixed, I can't even go see the sleep people. I just want to be left alone for a while. Sometimes, and I love my girls, I just wish they all would go away. I can't even go for a week without someones drama coming into my life, let alone without my own.

I am finding it hard to live. I tell my child to stop doing something and she just screams no at me. I want to smack her, but she is only 2. I just have to go in the other room and cry. That doesn't help the situation, because then I am angry with myself for even thinking about reacting like that to her. I wonder what it will be like when she gets older. I rarely got smacked as a child, but as a teen, when I did, I really deserved it. Usually it was because I raised my hand and hit my mom first. We weren't abused, and I would never do that to my girls, but when you are tired and depressed and already not thinking right, I just wonder how far it could get before I took that breath and left the room. Lately I have wanted to smack my Dh and I think that he might be the source of my anger currently. Not because he is abusive, but because he is like my father. He works way to many hours for no pay for a company that doesn't give a darn, so we don't get to see much of him. Then his buddies want him to play and the internet commands his attention as well (to relax from the stress of work). Where and when do I and the girls fit in? It takes a broken water pipe (water baseboard heat) in the play room to bring him home from lunch. I feel like now I have to start inventing problems with the house for him to just come home. Can't, because that would cause even more stress and cost. I just want to run away.