This weekend, I suffered my second miscarriage in the span of two years. I NEVER thought this would happen again. This m/c is twice as awful as my first one because it just blindsided me. We thought everything was going so well....
I am sad for the little life that will never be.
I am devastated that I now have three dead children that I'll never see, hold or touch,
I am sick that my husband does not get to be a father because he married a defect like me.
I am ANGRY that God would let this happen to us again.
I am mortified that everyone knows about this-how could we have been so stupid to tell the world this time? We were daring God to take this child from us and he did.
I am uncertain that I will ever be happy again...
I am wrung out of emotion and I want to sleep for the next six months.
I am afraid that you will all think I am crazy for feeling all of this....Ann
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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Ann...I am sorry about your miscarriage. I was going through all those thoughts that you are. No words can help with what you are going through. I was upset with GOD for awhile and he understands..they are there with him. Contact me.
__________________ Cathy 36
Lee 40
Married Feb 12, 1994
HSG Nov 2004
Brandon Aug 8, 2005
Ann,
If we had a craziness contest around here, I'm afraid you would not come close to the thoughts I've come up with. Your list sounds very familiar.
This is a tragedy, and I am deeply sorry to you and your family. I know that you will someday feel a lot better about life and will be able to decide about trying again at that point, but for now, go ahead and get all of this stuff out. We all know how necessary it is to purge these terrible feelings and talk to people who understand. And we care.
You are not at fault in any way whatsoever in this process. This tragedy strikes in one form or another for way too many of us around here. We all love our tiny ones, and we must let their short lives effect our own lives in whatever way feels natural. We are stronger than we realize.
((Big Hugs))
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Thanks so much for the positive words. I just had my u/s today to confirm the pregnancy is gone so I am feeling very raw right now. This one is so much harder than my first one.
Since this is my second m/c, now they want to do more testing to figure out why this is happening to us. We are going to do some genetic testing of our blood, maybe a lap to see if I am structurally able to carry a baby, sperm tests and 100 more tests I'm sure. I just don't even have the energy to even think about it now. Like I said, I just want to sleep for about 6 months. I want to leave you all with a reading that I found today. I was given some materials about coping with miscarriage and this reduced me to tears for about the 150th time today.
Little Footprints
How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently,
only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
your footprints have left
upon my heart...
Thank you again for all of the good thoughts. I know I will get through this-I just don't know how...Ann
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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Ann I'm so sorry {{{{HUGS}}}} You're not crazy though hon. If you're crazy then I definately should be commited b/c I've been & am right where you are now. I have had 4 m/c's in the past 1 1/2 years (8 babies) & there still is no explaination as to why it keeps happening. You just need some time to grieve. Take your time to grieve and heal. The testing is difficult but it's better to be sure there is a cause & there is something that can be done for it before TTC again (which I'm sure you're no where near thinking about at this point). Remember, you did nothing to cause this & there is nothing you could do to prevent it.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci
__________________
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2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
New Gonal-F cycle started 9/5/09- Cancelled 9/14/09 due to too many follies all growing the same (all under 10mm still) Started Soy 120mg CD12-16!
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Oh my gooness! I am so sorry for your loss, angel. I am at the end of my emotional rope and I haven't been through half of what you have been through. I will remember you in my prayers tonight. Please take care of yourself, OK? We all deserve better than this!! ~Ann
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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I am so sorry for your loss Ann, I can relate to how you must be feeling and I send you a big hug.
Sometimes life really sucks, and I too feel like you. I really hope that these tests can give you some answers, help and hope.
Take care
em x
__________________ Me: 34 yrs old
DH: 36 yrs old
M/C September 2004 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DS: Born 11th September 2005
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DD: Born 23rd November 2007
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You know I want to give you a big hug....but also to tell you that you are not a defect. I think it's a tragedy that you have lost those babies but it isn't your fault. You did nothing to cause it. It's okay to feel bad and to feel angry....you are allowed to. Just giving you a big hug.
__________________ Me 26
DD--Jasleen 10, DS--Alex 8, DS--Daniel 2
150 mcg Synthroid
1000 mg Metformin
Yasmin <--Failed now expecting #4
Isabelle due 06/02/08
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I am so sorry for your loss! You and your Dh are in my thoughts and prayers!!
__________________
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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Can't believe I'm here... 
