Do you ever feel like you just don't know which way to turn. Part of me wants to be pregnant again soon, part of me wants to just say forget it if I don't try then I can't cause anymore pain. For myself or my DH, even my family. I do agree that when you first find out your pregnant you think about delivering your baby, you think about the nursery and baby clothes and holding your little one in your arms. People don't understand that even though you may have never seen your babies you ache to hold them in your arms.
I'm the only child and I want so much for my parents to enjoy their grandchildren. My dad is almost 60, my Dh is only child too and I feel like I am a failure because I can't give them grandchildren to love and spoil. I really want to try again but so afraid of more disappointment. I know I'm not alone in this and I know you ladies have all been through this. I just keep saying why couldn't it just last, why couldn't it just be my turn. I'll just keep praying for all of us because I believe that one day our prayers will be answered.
I had a good day today. We went to the movies and went out to eat and enjoyed the weather, but my mind still falls back to I can't believe I was pregnant just last week and now it's gone. I know it's all a part of grieving. So glad I have you to talk to because most of my family treats me like I'm a piece of broken glass and either don't mention it or change the subject very quickly.
__________________ slgttc
me(32) dh(34)
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Beta #1 18 dpo 720 p4 17.4
Beta #2 21 dpo 2457
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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This sounds really familiar. After our loss, I wanted to be pregnant immediately. It took two and a half months, which was nice and quick, and I felt incredibly relieved. We told everybody. I was on cloud nine because I was finally going to have that complete experience that I was missing. Then as soon as it was here, it was gone. I lost that little one at five weeks, and I swear I was ready to jump off a cliff. I was convinced we would never get a living child. There are indeed cases where it never happens, but most of us are able to if we find the right care, etc. It takes a lot of courage to keep trying, but in our case it was worth it. I hope that in your case it will be too. The path to parenthood has been rough for lots of gals around here... fertility in itself is a type of loss, and then many of us have at least one pregnancy loss under our belts. But there are successes galore, and they are the younger siblings of these tiny ones. We will never forget what should have been, but there can be joy, and I certainly wish that for you and your family.
Hugs!
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Well Sheri took the words right out of my mouth...and i'll leave my siggy on to proove it (preg mentioned) Sheri and i were on this board together at the same time, both dealing with the loss of our babies at the same time...its amazing sometimes how fate brings people together huh chickie??!!
I'm so sorry for what youre going through right now...i can tell you there were days i opened my eyes in the morning and thought 'i just cant do this' Getting my feet on the floor was more effort then running a marathon...sleep was my escape...but when i woke up it was like a fresh punch in the gut.
And then there would come days where i caught myself smiling...nothing important or overly exciting but just spontanious...but then i'd remember my girls and guilt would take over and it was like something came along and ripped off the scab and there i was bleeding all over again...so i can say you are not alone in how you feel...and just rest assured its part of the healing...
there is no way at that time i could have looked ahead to see where i am now...but i remember like yesterday making a promise to my girls that i would do all i could do to make sure their short presence in my life made a difference..and boy have they ever..that was the first day i got out of my pjs and put in an excercise tape...just to take care of myself...cuz before that i was a complete zombie...i feel like they have watched over me and protected their little brother who is about to come anyday...i see them in Heaven living their life and probably getting into trouble...and hear them cheering me on as if they were right beside me...it comforts me but doesnt mean i dont miss them, or want them back...these conflicting emotions i dont think ever really go away...you just get better at dealing with them i guess...
i know youre not there yet...it will take awhile and thats okay...but just know there is alot of girls here who have been there and i guess you could say have come full circle...we'll always love and miss our babies and wonder why...but when the time comes in some way you can be blessed again. Just feel what you have to feel and live one day at a time...
lots of hugs coming your way...
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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I am so sorry for your looses and your pain. <<>>> I feel I can't think staright myself. I want to get pregnant asap and will try next month. But I am still devasted and aside from going to work, I am couped up in the house. Me and Dh went out last night for a few hours, but most of the time, I had my baby on my mind.
Some days are ok, not great, but I remind myself to take care of me for my future babies.
Like you, I too feel I disappointed people, especially dh and my parent & grandparents. I feel like a failure.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Sparky, our emergent cerclage baby, born at 23w1d on 3/4/07 through his cerclage. Died from NEC on 3/12/07. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Pucky 6/11/07 blighted ovum Dx PCOS 10/2003.
TAC placed 6/28/07 at University of Chicago.
Moving on to IVF after a year of infertility and 3 Femara cycles. Lupron started on 7/27.
This sounds so familiar! Kim and Sheri have said it all. One day, you WILL be ready to try again. Until then, don't pressure yourself.
((Hugs)),
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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This all sounds very familiar to me too. The first month or two is the hardest. Like Sheri, I wanted to TTC again right away, but had to have an MMR immunization so I couldn't TTC for 3 months after my first loss. It was so frustrating to watch 3 eggies "go by" but the time off did force my mind to clear and made me realize I really did want to TTC again, and how much I wanted this.
I, too, felt like I let my parents down. I am the oldest of 3, but my sister does not want children and my brother isn't in a position to have a child right now. (He's a snowboarding bum in the Colorado mountains, perpetually broke, although he does have a serious girlfriend and they are talking about getting married eventually.) So I feel like I'm their only chance, at least for a long time (we aren't sure if my brother even wants kids, actually.) It's been very hard to tell them about my losses, and they haven't experienced anything like it so they didn't know what to say. Luckily they were willing to listen to me and I "educated" them on how to handle it when someone is going through this. I think your parents know that you didn't let them down; you did NOT choose for this to happen, and they understand that.
Well, you can rant here anytime you need to...this is a hard time but just know you are not alone...we are all here.
can't even think straight 
(preg mentioned) Sheri and i were on this board together at the same time, both dealing with the loss of our babies at the same time...its amazing sometimes how fate brings people together huh chickie??!! 
Getting my feet on the floor was more effort then running a marathon...sleep was my escape...but when i woke up it was like a fresh punch in the gut. 
