can't take it anymore

rainbow85 · 09-16-2005, 09:03 PM

I really can't deal with all this excess hair growth anymore. It seems like any time I look at myself I have thick, black hairs growing somewhere else. I feel so gross, so ugly, and so unattractive. I can't put up with plucking anymore, I just refuse to do it, so now I'm shaving my beard with one of those Finishing Touch hair remover things almost every day. I almost never want to go out or be seen anymore because I'm sure people are just staring at my facial hair or the hair on my neck or sideburns. I'm always dressing so I'm completely covered up because of all the hair on my arms and back, feet and hands. I hate this!! My girlfriend tells me that no one notices and you can't see it, but I know that's bull cause I can see the hairs when I look in the mirror across the room. At least now I know I'm not alone...

girlie · 09-16-2005, 10:52 PM

Sweetheart,
We all feel that way sometimes..... I promise no one is as concious of your hair as you are. I wrote something about his a while back and here it is again:

I was devastated when I started getting the facial hair. But one day this occurred to me: Ok, we women shave our legs, ankle to thigh, we shave our arm pits, some shave their pubic areas, some even shave their arms, and a hair is a hair. So, what's the big deal about having to shave a little bit more on my face and neck. That's how I get through it. It's just a hair. A hair is NOT going to destroy my self confidence, a hair is not going to make me feel any less beautiful. I'll just whip out my magic wand (razor) and free myself from it. We didn't ask for this, we don't deserve it but I'm so lucky to have an easy way to take care of it. At least I don't have some deformity I can't do anything about. Anyway, that's the way I look at it and since I took that attitude, I felt so much better. Don't get me wrong, I hate it at times, but it's hairs, just hairs. I hope this helps you too. I love this board, it helps me alot. You girls are incredible, strong and amazing.

StarMaiden · 09-17-2005, 12:30 AM

And to build on what His Texas Angel said...

EVerybody out there is pretty much the star in their own little personal drama. Other people may notice physical things about us, but honestly, they don't really care! They really are obsessing about their own lives and their own problems! I learned this reading over at the Wig Support Board!

So many people over there have learned that they can walk out in public with a new wig on, dramatically different from the way they wear their hair before, and if people notice, it's only to think, "Oh, you got your hair cut, or colored, or whatever." And then they just go on worrying about their own lives.

Honestly, people might notice excess hair. I do, sometimes. But do I PAY ATTENTION to it? No. And I certainly don't think any the less of the person for it. It's practically an almost normal human variation in many ethnicities.

Honestly, the world does not look at you and think you are a freak or sick or anything. Most people wouldn't notice, as your friends have told you, and most of the ones who would notice, would not be bothered by it, or think about it for more than a minute.

So yes, for your own peace of mind, care about the hair problem and try to find a solution to dealing with it that makes YOU happy....BUT you HAVE to quit being influenced by the thought that others are paying attention! You will emotionally cripple yourself that way!

And yes, I shave my chin and a bit of moustache every day. It has never occured to me in my whole life to think anyone is looking at my sideburns or arm hair. I mean, my gosh. What is anybody's problem objecting to arm hair?

Sweetie, DO NOT let this keep you in the house. To be cliched about it, you only life once. Do NOT let excess hair force you to waste a minute of your life!

_xSamix_ · 09-17-2005, 10:09 AM

rainbow! i can asure you, your not the only one! i know how you feel all to well!
i have a full beard! black, harsh and thick! and i kno all the emotional issues that comes with it:
anxiety/fear
no self esteem
confidence is a 0
depression etc etc!
i'd love to tell you things can only get better, and we can get over it! but i cant cause im in the same boat!
all we can do is try and deal with it together!
the one thing that keeps me going also is that i know im not alone anymore!

rainbow85 · 09-17-2005, 12:31 PM

Thanks everyone for your wonderful insight. I know you are right, and I'm trying to look at it from your point of view, but sometimes i just can't, and I just want to run to my room and hide in my bed forever.

But, you are right. I have to keep telling myself that it's just hair, and that no one else REALLY cares. Maybe if I keep repeating it to myself, I'll finally believe it.

Thanks cysters.

Lucy19 · 09-17-2005, 02:29 PM

I also can grow a thick beard given 3-4 days. I think though that it is easier to deal with now i know i am not the only one- before I found this website i really did think i was the only girl in the world to have this problem. It really is a difficult thing to deal with, and i hate the fact that i feel it has changed me. I always used to be out and about all the time (dont get me wrong i still go out) but sometimes I dont go out when usually I would because I cant face the 2hrs it takes to get ready (IREALLY miss the fact that I cant get ready in an hour like i used to before I started shaving). Its not just the shaving either its eveything that goes with it, E.g like in my mind I feel i could never get married because i couldn't face someone seeing my neck (which is now much darker then my face due to all the shaving) without it being covered by make-up. Friends always say that I will meet someone (and I know a lot of you have met wonderful guys!)but I don't think i would ever meet someone open minded enough to overlook my problem.
I think one thing for sure though is that it is a lot easier to deal with with support from our fellow cysters.

Lucy xx

rainbow85 · 09-17-2005, 03:55 PM

Yeah. My best friend is a guy and whenever he brushes up against my beard or my face he always jokes around about my stubble. It really, really gets to me, but I don't have the nerve to tell him how much it bothers me I just want do dig a deep hole and then fall into it. I guess since being diagnosed with PCOS, I no longer blame myself as much. I always thought that it was my fault and something that I was doing wrong to cause the hair growth. Now I just blame me if I don't control it enough. But, I really really really HATE PCOS.

StarMaiden · 09-17-2005, 04:50 PM

Lucy, yes, you WILL meet someone open-minded enough to overlook this problem! There are lots of men out there who will not only overlook it, they will not even really notice it or realize it's a problem, and they will be completely confused by why YOU think it's a problem! They can be so dense, bless their little male hearts. And for heaven's sake look around at all the young married people who are obviously in love, who manage to overlook "problems" their mates have.

And Rainbow, please work up your courage to ask your friend to stop joking about the stubble. And if he doesn't stop the joking after you politely say, "You know, when you joke about that, it really hurts my feelings, and I'd like you stop. This is something personal that I feel sensitive about, and your jokes make it worse," then he's not your best friend! Or start razzing him mercilessly about his beer gut or receding hairline or bad teeth or miniscule genitalia or whatever.

(I don't really mean that last hint. I really don't ever like to preach revenge or encourage people to hurt back, but honestly, sometimes I get so mad at how rude and thoughtless people can be about stuff like a little excess hair. What could they be thinking? I get really protective about my PCOS sisters.)

Lucy19 · 09-17-2005, 09:03 PM

StarMaiden,

Thankyou very much for your kind words. I think that sometimes I just need to be reminded that I may be lucky enough to meet someone. PCOS sometimes feels all encompassing, but like some of the other cysters said alot of the time people dont notice.

Lucy x

sleepydumpling · 09-18-2005, 03:09 AM

Lucy and Rainbow...

I SO know how you feel girls! I too am a single, hairy cyster and I HATE what this damn hair does to me. I too have a full, black beard (on fair skin too) and feel that no man will ever love me knowing I have this disgusting affliction.

I am crazy about a guy at the moment who probably doesn't even know I exist. And I'm TERRIFIED to let him know I exist because I think he'll notice the facial hair (let alone anywhere else) and be horrified by it. He's a really nice guy and would never be mean or hurtful, but I just feel he'd be disgusted to know I probably have to shave as often has he does.

Anyway, it does help knowing I'm not alone, even though it's horrible that ANY of us have to suffer this.

Keep us posted on how you're going girls - and if you do find any solutions that do work for you, please share!

Hugs
Kath

Lucy19 · 09-18-2005, 05:23 PM

Kath

I feel the same way about guys and relationships, but if you really like this guy and he is kind and you feel he would never say anything mean- then you should perhaps let him know how you feel. I think that i would, but i understand that it is difficult and a very big step. See what kind of signals you get from him.

Lucy xx

ps I hope this is sort of useful!

sleepydumpling · 09-19-2005, 07:53 AM

Thanks Lucy,

I was just talking to him tonight actually, and I do get a good gut feeling from the whole thing. I just don't have the confidence to make the next step. Mostly I just have a massive fear of rejection!

On another note, I just bought the Avon range of hair minimising products. There is a roll on deoderant, hair removal cream, shaving cream and minimising lotion. I'm trying the lotion on my legs and face every day to see if it helps, and the roll on daily too. I haven't tried the removal or shaving creams yet, but I'll update you when I do.

Oh this sucks!
Kath

ChloeM · 09-21-2005, 06:13 PM

Hello Rainbow 85 and other my other cysters!!!
I had to comment on this because I too suffered for so long with not just hairs,but ingrown hairs on my face,in a "beard pattern" :rant2: .This was a nightmare.You talk about feeling ugly,like a man,not wanting to leave the house,it was horrible,but THANK GOD for laser.NO MORE ingrown hairs or "course black hair on my face either after 6 laser treatments.To a certain extent hair is part of my genetic makeup.My grandmother on my fathers side was indian I have that trait and I'm african american.So I have lil' fine baby hair on my arms,my legs(which I have to shave every week).But that facial hair was kiling me.I started waxing like my sideburns and mustache when I was younger and It did work for a while,then I started plucking which called hyperpigmentation @ the spots I plucked,then started shaving which was a BAD mistake..This may not be medically proven,but I believe from the shaving caused the ingrown hairs which was the worst it got and so it just was a mess

.Long story short,just know your not alone,and from my personal experience the other thing that was really effective was laser.However I know someone that uses Vaniqua and it's very effective.Another friend did electrolysis and it helped,but it was a long pain experience.SO I guess it just depends on your financial situation as to what route you take.

batewoman97 · 11-24-2005, 06:19 AM

Hi girls, I know what you are going through and it's heartbreaking. I shave every morning, and every other day I pluck so that the growth when I shave isn't so thick. It consumes my life, and has for nearly 15 years. But please please know that there is someone out there for you, you just need to allow yourself to believe that, and he will find you. My husband watches me shave or pluck at times, and he understands and he loves me for ME not for a few extra hairs. I find that after I shave, I pat with cold water, apply a good moisturizer, then a light coat of foundation and powder to set. Makes a nice appearance and diminishes that five o'clock shadow look. This whole PCOS and infertility issue is crushing, but we must stay strong and love ourselves, because in the end, that's all we've got...

ABumpyGal · 11-28-2005, 01:11 PM

I don't know if Rainbow will even get to see this, but since it's been bumped up I had to run my trap...

Hon, please don't let PCOS symptoms keep you from living life to its fullest! I speak from experience here, as I lost six years of my life due to my embarrassment over my worst symptom (weight gain). I can't buy those years back and I feel, well, silly now. I understand your feelings on this, but don't make my mistake!

As I've said on other hirsutism threads, I shave my face daily with an electric razor because my skin can't handle wax and my hair is too light to be a candidate for lazer. I shave right in front of my partner without shame. He helps me put Veet on my hairy ol' arms when needed. There ARE people out there that will love you, hair and all!

Be it hairy or stubbly, keep your chins up girls!