Catholic cysters

RoxieInPa · 05-19-2005, 09:13 PM

I have a question for Catholic cysters. I am Catholic and TTC. Now I read online that it was ok for me to take Clomid. And I did twice. Yes I got pg twice too. But I m/c both times. First @ 14w 2d and 2nd @ 5w 6d. Now DH and I see a RE and DH had to do a s/a and had 1/3 "abnormal" sperm. Our only hope for a healthy baby is to have an IUI. Now the last I did hear was it's not ok by Catholic beliefs. I really want a child. DH is not Catholic and I am. So he doesn't under stand my feelings on this. I *know* I will choose to have the IUI. But my question is would my child be "welcomed" by the Catholic church? What do you ladies think? Am I a bad Catholic for choosing a child any way I can have one over my religion? Thank you for all listening to my "problem".

shan1977 · 05-19-2005, 09:44 PM

I know a lot of my friends and I used Clomid to get pregnant, and we are Catholics. I have never heard the Catholic Church having a problem with this. In fact, my entire family is very religious, and they were very supportive when I told them I was on Clomid.

Mary K · 05-19-2005, 09:45 PM

RoxieinPA, I'm no expert in Catholicism, although I was raised in the faith. However, the way I see it is, the 10 Commandments pretty much lays out the basics.

"Thou shalt not kill." There is nothing that says thou shalt not create life with the means available to you. God created us with brains and choice. I think it's okay to use them.

Just my two cents,
Mary K

RoxieInPa · 05-19-2005, 09:52 PM

I wish I could find the web site I went to. On the site it said .... medications are now Okay to be used to create life. As long as "life is made" in the "natrual" way in the marital (sp?) bed. An IUI isn't "life being made in the marital way". It did say IVF ISN'T ok with the church. An IUI is kinda like IVF. Meaning the doc does the "work" and we don't "BD" to make the baby. It is DH's "good" sperm as when the doc "washes" it they will remove the "abnormal" sperm. I guess I was thinking that when they said IVF wasn't "natural" then IUI isn't either? Thanks for the replies ladies.

Sari · 05-22-2005, 05:34 PM

From what I understand, Clomid is OK and IUI is not because of what you said about it being conceived naturally. As for whether the church would welcome your child, I don't see why they wouldn't. If it's a sin, it's your sin and not your child's. I don't see why they wouldn't welcome you either, we all sin. DH and I are Catholic and I think the only way we could conceive would be IUI and it's very tempting to tell the Dr to go ahead with it, but I always come back to the "it's not natural" part. Right now I think I've resolved to go on to adoption (something we wanted to do anyway) and not do the IUI, but I can't say for sure that I won't do it in the future. I think your decision should involve lots of prayer and perhaps discussion with your priest.

RoxieInPa · 05-22-2005, 06:09 PM

THank you for the thought's. ANd yes I am going to talk with my priest. I just want to make sure that my child would be welcome into the church. Adoption isn't on option right now. My DH told me at this time in his life he feels he couldn't give the child his love. I thank him for being honest with me about it ... but I would love to adopt even if we do have our own children. There are so many children who needs loving parents, but seeing as that wouldn't be for him right now , it wouldn't be fair to the child. Thanks again.

CelticSpirit · 05-23-2005, 11:28 AM

Sweetie,

Your baby will ALWAYS be welcomed in the church. The church just happens to disagree with the way you intend to go about it.

And...these "rules" have nothing to do with the bible or the ten commandments but with church teachings. To find out more about church teachings, there is the Catechism of the Catholic Church. It's a tough read sometimes, but there's a lot of information in there.

Good luck with everything, my prayers are with you.

dachshundqueen · 05-23-2005, 12:17 PM

I'd have to agree - conception of a child outside of the "normal manner" (being the sexual union of married couples) is frowned upon by the Church. It is something you should discuss with your priest, just like anything else that you have a really hard time with related to the Church. I hope that you have a very good talk with him and that you pray a lot about your decision.

GOOD LUCK!! Hugs,

Liz

Swingin' Cyster · 05-23-2005, 01:06 PM

The marital act is the only way God's creation (us) can participate in creating new creation. It takes three - mommy, daddy and God to create a baby. When eggs are fertilized outside of the womb, you're taking God out of the equation. You're not letting the Lord of Lords be Lord of your life AND you're setting yourself and your husband up for a LOT of hurt because these procedures are always risky and take a long time and a LOT of money. It's much cheaper and much more rewarding to trust God to give you the family He wants you to have. Have you tried specific novenas? A novena is a nine-day intercessory prayer. Look to the patron saints for their intercession as well - St. Joseph patron of familes, St. Anne (Blessed Mother's Mom) patron of mothers, St. Elizabeth (Mary's cousin) who didn't have a child until late in life, etc. And keep pushing for adoption. There are so many babies around the world just waiting for a loving home.
God has a specific plan for each and every person. Right now I'm struggling with him wondering why I'm single with no prospects when everyone I know is married and having babies (including my YOUNGER brother). I have angry conversations with Him about this topic FREQUENTLY! But it's not God's will for me to be married right now. Every day I have to surrender that desire until it is God's will. It could be that it's not God's will for you to be a biological mother, or maybe it's not His will that you have children NOW.
No matter what you choose, your child will be welcome in the Church. If you want more specifically Catholic information, check out the Catholic Medical Association. There are a lot of breakthroughs in infertility treatments that are totally in line with Catholic teaching.
My prayers are with you,
Kara
Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him Who gives me strength.

CelticSpirit · 05-23-2005, 04:25 PM

Kara, thanks for the information. You ALWAYS have kind words and knowledge for us!

God's blessings to all!

GabrielsMom · 05-23-2005, 04:52 PM

Kara, you talked about eggs being fertilized outside of the womb, but that's not what happens in an IUI. It's all done "intra-uterine." Conception actually happens inside of the womb, only the sperm takes a different route to get there

But I suppose that your essential point remains the same - trust God and His timing.

malcat22 · 05-23-2005, 05:19 PM

ok, i'm not sure what iui is and i'm not sure if anyone has already said this, but from my understanding the problem with IVF is that embryos are created knowing that a number of them may not survive so the problem from catholic church's point of view is with the embryo's which are destroyed. however it's a very complex issue as you are also creating the embryo's and want them to have every chance of survival, therefore you can argue either way and so long as your personal morality can justify it (mine could by the way) then i don't see the problem. also just wanted to add my condolences on your miscarriages. best of luck

RoxieInPa · 05-23-2005, 06:36 PM

THank you all for for your thought's and prayers. I am calling to see if I can talk to the priest who was the one all my growing up Fr. J). I am more comfortable with him the the current one. Fr. J is now in another church but has come back to baptize (sp?) my niece and blessed my brother's marraige. thanks again

CelticSpirit · 05-23-2005, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Kara, you talked about eggs being fertilized outside of the womb, but that's not what happens in an IUI. It's all done "intra-uterine." Conception actually happens inside of the womb, only the sperm takes a different route to get there.

It doesn't matter...sex isn't used to make the baby with an IUI. It's being done in a doctor's office. THAT is why it's against Catholic teaching...hope that clears things up.

Swingin' Cyster · 05-24-2005, 11:20 AM

I know little about fetility matters b/c I'm not ttc. Thanks for clearing it up April! As Stacie mentioned, IUI still separates the procreative act from the marital act and takes God out.
Stacie, thanks for your compliment! I tried to compliment you back but I don't think my ability to give reps is working....
Kara