I recently have decided to change faiths. I went from a practicing pagan, (My mother was one) And I realized that I really didn't believe it as much as I used it to be purposefully shocking to my extended family and society. I was a teenager, and you know teenagers love being scandalous.
I realized I want to be Christian, which I have told my family. They are mostly fine with that. I attended a church for a time, but the distance to the church/relationships there didn't work out, by no fault of either my husband and myself or the congregation. It just didn't fit.
Now that my husband and I have moved across the state, we want to go to a new church, but for 3 years I have been researching a certain "branch" of Christianity, and I just feel that it's right. I have prayed on it. I have read about it. I have secretly wanted to go... forever now.
But my family would flip out! My father, the protestant, my mother the wiccan... it would not sit well.
In a similar (but not the same branch) example, my cousin became a Jehovah's Witness because of his wife, and there were FIGHTS about it on every holiday. It was insane.
It's so awkward wanting to walk in the doors of a new church, start something that you should feel joyful and happy about, and to know that if/when I was baptized, I couldn't even share that joy with my parents or family.
My husband and my only sibling know, but how in the heck do I hide this when I am at risk of losing so much!?
Or, should I not risk it at all?
I converted from being a protestant, to being a Catholic, in 2006 (well, it was a lot longer ago than that, in my heart, but it took me til then to get thru RCIA). My family is hardcore protestant. I have extended family members who think--honestly!--that my dc are going to burn in hell because they were baptized Catholic...
That being said, I would do it all over again, and this time, I'd do it even earlier. I wouldn't wait til 2005 to start the process, I'd do it in 1990-something, when I first started looking into it, and realizing that that was where God wanted me to be...
The truth is the truth. You are responsible to God for you, NOT to your parents--you are a married woman, and the only other person who would need to be kept up on the process is your DH. No one else. And even DH's opinion doesn't need to stop you, because you need to be obedient to God...it would be great if everyone was "okay" with your change. But they may not be. And if they aren't, well, that's their loss, frankly. Be kind, be peaceful, be a reflection of your faith. But don't let their opposition get to you--if you waited til everyone around you was happy with every decision you made, you'd never get anything done, because SOMEONE would always have something negative to say.
I figure, I am going to be standing before God, one day, and I will have to explain my actions. Am I going to have to explain why I let the opinions and possible reactions of other people keep me from the Truth? Ummmm. No thanks. I've got enough to explain already (although, truthfully, there are no explanations--I know He knows already, all the circumstances and my intentions).
But I will pray for you. If you don't mind me asking, to what faith are you converting?
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Although I am not a religious person, the idea interests me. I think it's a completely personal think and noone's business but your own. I do understand that some Faiths impact on others' lives more than others- celebrations, food laws, blood transfusions etc- but as long as everyone's safe what does it matter who or what you pray to? I personally wouldn't tell those you don't want to know- if they ask, just tell them straight and leave it at that, don't try to convert them and equally if they try to convince you that their ideas are "better", then just agree to differ.
Good luck with it all, and I hope your family are nice about it. If I were your cousin I wouldn't see my family if there were fights, but that's just me x
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Started Lighter Life 07.07.08
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I'm a pagan and I'd be proud of and love my kids whatever. (I'd make fun of them mercilessly but they know I love them!) Be yourself and be open and let people like it or lump it, love. Life's too short.
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I went from being a Protestant to being Eastern Orthodox in 2003. My family has not been happy, but it's my life, not theirs. Do what you think is right. You can't live your life by other peoples' opinions, and you can't please everyone.
Beffy - you have to do what's right for you, as no one else has to answer to God for you about your decisions in life and what faith you will practice. I applaud you for doing your research and having the strength to even type the words - do what's in your heart to do! I wish you the best
I was raised Baptist, joined DH's church which was more pentecostal, and currently deciding what type of denomination (if any) we will worship with since we've moved to a new state. DH has done a lot of research as well and we are seeking somewhere with a strong (vs. watered down) doctrine, that teaches the bible and not popular culture. We believe that we will be guided to the right place, and are trusting in that.
I'm also curious what denomination you are leaning towards...I think my PM box has a bit of room in it. I'd also be interested in knowing how your family reacts, keep us posted!
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Imani "Faith" April 2, 2009
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Do what your heat tells you, if God is calling you toward a new church, listen and respond. He has a purpose for all things. Don't worry with what others think.
We need to be worried less about the world, and set our eyes upon the Lord.
Your family should love you unconditionally.... who knows, maybe thru you they will be changed too?!!?!?
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Me: 30
DH: 39
Son: 10
On clomid, metformin, and a whole bunch of Shaklee supplements.
DH: Is also on Shaklee supplements!
Want everything healthy so we can have a healthy baby!!! But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wing as eagles. Isaiah 40:31
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Update: I have been meeting with members of the church weekly, and I attended service... FINALLY. So, that's something I suppose.
But I still can't tell people, I think that my line with regard to telling everyone would be once I am baptized. I think then, they would know that this is more than just me "looking into things" as opposed to being serious about my convictions there.
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DX 1996. M/C Oct. 20th, 2008. EDD was June 26th, 2009.
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But I still can't tell people, I think that my line with regard to telling everyone would be once I am baptized. I think then, they would know that this is more than just me "looking into things" as opposed to being serious about my convictions there.
My husband and I can relate to your situation. About 10 years we began studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses. My mother is actually of the religion and I was raised around the teachings, but never "made it my own" so to speak. When I went to college, I pretty much abandoned why I had learned and was without a religion at all.
I met my husband during our college orientation in the summer of 1994. He was raised Methodist, but his mother converted to Baptist at the request of his foster brother who had become a Baptist minister. He never took to either faith. I should mention that his mother was somewhat opposed to the Jehovah's Witness faith and a comment that his mother made to him when he was teenager was "Whatever you do, don't end up with a Jehovah’s Witness."
Well technically he didn't, as when we met I had no religion. We were married in 1997, but as happy as I was, I really felt a void due to the lack of spirituality in my life.
I actually talked with members of various religions, though none met the criteria or standards that I felt were required of a Christian. Around that time, my aunt, one of Jehovah's Witnesses, had invited us to start having a Bible study. I put her off for some time, but then realized that this was what I'd been wanting and decided to accept. My husband felt he was not ready for such a step, but told me to go ahead.
Before my first study, however, he decided he wanted to be a part of it. I think at that time, it was mostly out of curiosity. Over the years, I had shared with him things I had been taught and I guess he wanted to know more.
We spent the next year studying the Bible each week with my aunt. For me, it was much of a review, but my husband really enjoyed learning what was in the Bible for the first time. By the end of a year, we decided to start attending Christian meetings. We progressed quickly after that and decided we wanted to start participating in the field ministry, a hard step for him especially because he is very shy. Eventually we made the decision to accept this faith wholeheartedly and dedicate ourselves to it and be baptized.
Thanks to many of my uncles and aunts, and my mother, those in my family who are not of our faith are already used to having JW's in the family (though back in the day my grandpa threatened to disown them all).
Hubby's family was a different story. He was a wreck about how his mother especially would react. Surprisingly, she was very accepting and actually expressed her happiness that he had spirituality in his life as none of his siblings really practice any religion at all.
However, she and his siblings have over the years grumbled and complained about his no longer participating in certain holidays. Though some of them don't fully understand our Bible-based reasons for not participating, they do accept it and respect our decisions, and I love them for that.
I guess the point of my story is, we expected a very bad reaction from his family, but overall, they've been accepting. Oddly enough, despite the fact that we're absent from holiday/birthday gatherings, he's much closer to them all now and makes much more effort to spend even more time with them on other occasions.
Onto your dilemma.
I don't know what religion you're heading for or how those beliefs differ (at least from your father), but perhaps they won't react in the way you think. Even if they do react badly, living out of state and having some distance between you should make things easier.
Letting them know ahead could also give them time to warm up to the idea and assure them that you're not rushing into things. For instance, what would bother parents more . . . and elopement to someone you've barely met or a marriage to someone whom you've come to know and trust over time. Whether they agree with the "marriage" or not, at least they know that you've gone in with your eyes wide open.
Hubby sat down with him mom and shared with her things and was learning and showed her from the Bible *why* he believed it. I think his conviction impressed her.
I was impressed with his foster brother, the Baptist minister, who did some research hoping to understand why we didn't celebrate a certain holiday. It ended up that he sent us a letter reaffirming that belief because in the course of his research he had come to learn what we'd known all along. That didn't change his celebration of the holiday, but at least now he understands and respects why we don't.
I guess that's all we can expect from family that loves us. They may not like it or fully understand it. But if they love us, and we're better for it, then they should accept it.
I applaud you for following you heart, AND your mind (with the research). I don't think that you need to tell everyone what is going on, unless it is a core tenet of your new faith. You certainly don't need everyone's approval, as much as it would make their lives easier. Your mother especially should be accepting of you as long as you are not trying to change her beliefs. A core value of Wicca is to do what you will, as long as it harms nobody.
However, she and his siblings have over the years grumbled and complained about his no longer participating in certain holidays. Though some of them don't fully understand our Bible-based reasons for not participating, they do accept it and respect our decisions, and I love them for that.
I guess the point of my story is, we expected a very bad reaction from his family, but overall, they've been accepting. Oddly enough, despite the fact that we're absent from holiday/birthday gatherings, he's much closer to them all now and makes much more effort to spend even more time with them on other occasions.
Not to thread hi-jack, but thanks so much Hezzer for this explanation! I have an aunt and uncle who are JW, but with them living in another state all of my life I never knew much about their beliefs. Upon reading your response to Beffy, I was able to research (google is AWESOME) the biblical reasons why JW don't participate in holidays and birthday celebrations...I honestly never knew this! Our society is so "contemporary" that I don't think our churches ever teach this, at least I'd never seen this in my 27 years! While I'm a conservative Christian, I will definitely use this information in my "toolbox", as I desire to be pleasing to God over and beyond all others (see - family)!
Quick question though - while you don't attend or give gifts, do you at least acknowledge birthdays? By phone? With a card? Just curious...
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LJ (28) ~n~ Big Mac (28)
Imani "Faith" April 2, 2009
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When all is said and done, when this life is over, when you see God (as Christians believe will happen!), think about what God would say about your decision here. If staying where you are will make you more distant to God, take that into consideration, too. When you do see God, you'll be responsible for your decisions. I won't say what is right and wrong, but I do suggest that you really take this to prayer. It would be a big move, and God surely wants to let you know which one He wants you do to!
Changing faith, and hiding it from family. 
