christian cysters, advice/prayer needed here!!

crissy99507 · 03-17-2003, 06:17 PM

HI, I will try to make a long story short... Shortly after I met my husband he came down an auto-immune disease. I stuck by his side because I really liked the guy. he was klind, gental and caring dipite the bad news...
well not any more- we have been married for alittle over a year and he has not worked in an even longer time then that( just too much pain-and WAY too much pain meds, Im talking 120mg oxycotin 3x a day and break through meds and sleeping pills and and and) any way...

He is just so short and negitive any more...I try so hard not to blame him but its hard all I EVER hear is "this hurts-thats hurts-I cant sleep-wine wine wine-mone mone mone" I am really not trying to be mean but im serious ALL THE TIME!

He told me when he was first in the hospital I spent more time caring about hime then he felt like any one ever had.( his parents are drinkers ect) Thats when he fell in love with me. I hate to say this but did I make a mistake? I mean all I did was care and now ...

We go to church and he says he christaian but has no joy. patients , tolerence or any of loving thing that chistians are supost to have. He raises his hand in praise but gets angery yells and cusses at the drop of a hat. Even if I am being totally calm and talking in a low tone and he dosent like what I am saying or what every he flys off the handle. I got so depressed at one point all I did was sleep and call int to work, thank God I didnt get fired!

Im am starting to loose faith and I dont want to!! please pray for me and my husband.
Thank you

nae · 03-17-2003, 08:50 PM

Please read Ecclesiastes 9, 10, 11, and 12... some of the reading will apply to attitude and choices one makes to live a joyful and happy life... to do it now while you can.

There is hope for the living... not for the dead!!

Also, be there for your husband, God didn't promise smooth paths. Trouble rains on the just and the unjust and when people have health issues overwhelming their minds that can still anyone's joy... it's hard to be joyful in a sick body... he needs support and so do you... you need an outlet from time to time.

Jodie1971 · 03-17-2003, 11:06 PM

Sounds like you could use some counceling to get you through this. Have you talked to your pastor? I will pray for you....Also there is a book out there called "The Power of a Praying Wife"....not sure who it's by but i will check into it. I've heard wonderful things about this book.

Jodie1971 · 03-17-2003, 11:08 PM

The authors are Stormie and Michael Omartian.

suzisk8 · 03-17-2003, 11:17 PM

It also sounds like it might be the pain pills. I can tell ya that I was on Vicodin when I had my 4 surgeries on my right leg, I was awful! I was grumpy, hated God, and just hated life, and they made me feel like crap. Anyway just be patient, and see if possibly if the Dr. can change the pain pill he is on. Thank God that I only had to endure those pain killers during that time. I'm praying for ya, and God Bless.

HISIRISHGEM · 03-18-2003, 01:40 AM

I agree, I think you need some counseling with a Christian counselor.

I would also like to say something else... Having diabetes, hypothyroid, depression and any other issue you could imagine, I have had alot of pain, am on alot of pain pills and over the course of not feeling independent anymore, I lost sight of who I was. I couldn't exercise....and I still have a hard time because something always hurts, I couldn't get the energy, I couldn't feel happy.....and my poor husband was living with me. I was bitter and angery.....I know my anger still comes out sometimes......i know hormonally speaking, I'm not the greatest to be around, yet he's pushed through all of this along side me even though things haven't always been the greatest.

I would ask yourself why you got married?? Did you love him for only the good times?? The real test in a marriage is when you can love someone even during the bad times. You took an oath before God to love your husband through good times and bad. Don't desert him when he needs you the most! Push through those feelings of fear, resentment, and anger because you can't be happy.....Theres a way. Start getting on your knees and pray for both you and your husband...fast if you can....ask God for an answer...tell Him that YOUR hurting inside and YOU need someone to comfort YOU. He'll answer you!!

Just because someone deals with anger in a wrong way, doesn't mean they don't love God. As another cyster said....sometimes its hard through the pain. It's unfortunate that I take my pain out on my husband sometimes. I HATE IT! I HATE MYSELF sometimes. But He's extremely forgiving.......During those times of anger or fear....he pulls out the Bible and makes me read scripture when I don't feel like it.....then He reads.

When I say don't give up......I'm not saying suck it in and don't be happy....YOU need to find a way to be happy....but running from the Covenant you made with your husband just because the times aren't the greatest isn't what Gods plan is for a marriage. You knew He was sick when you married Him...Sickness isn't fun as you well know, with any NORMAL marriage, to make it work, you must work hard...To make a marriage work with someone sick, it takes HARDER Work...But it can be done with a solid foundation in Christ.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love suffers long and is kind; Love does not envy; Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, Is not provoked, thinks no evil; Does not rejoice iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; Bares all things, believes all things, hopes all things, ENDURES ALL THINGS. LOVE NEVER FAILS.

crissy99507 · 03-18-2003, 11:06 AM

Thank you cysters/sisters in Christ. I am glad there is some one I can talk to.
I do not plan on leaving him I am just at my witts end - I feel like I am being punished for all the mistakes I made in life. I guess if God want it this way , this is how its supost to be right? I just dont feel like my life is going any where..Im stuck in a pattern.

have you ever heard the phrase misory loves company?? How do I get out of this rut of bewing misrable i feel like I am being pulled DOWN all the time. my husband loves me and I know that ,but this is SO hard when he has NOTHING good TO SAY. He talks negitive about every one he see's I cant stand that. I have a hard time aproching him about it with out ticking him off. If i dont say any thing it builds till I blow up over one minor thing(nad of course he dosent like that, but hes not ojective evough to see thats what he does to me all the time)

AGG...i guess I could go on and on.

I need to reconise what the lord wants me to do..not what I want to do, but I'm not sure how!!
please help
!

HISIRISHGEM · 03-19-2003, 01:37 AM

Just keep praying!! You'll get your answer...that I promise you. Its not easy to live with but somehow you'll get through it.

The best advice I can give you is to pray for Gods will and ask Him to take away your pain and suffering. He'll listen to you. Pray for your husbands attitude...ask God to heal his wounds both emotionally and physically. Pray harder for Him when you feel like you can't take his attitude anymore. Better yet, pray for yourself! Ask for patience, peace....and when you get to the point of non-toleration, say "PRAISE GOD"! My best friend once taught me that........Its a way to get out steam while praising Him for the circumstances you are in.

Another thing, find some space for yourself. Allow yourself to walk for an hour a day, go do some shopping or invite a friend for coffee or tea at the local cafe. Allow yourself some time to be happy. If he continues to feel sorry for himself and put others down, tell him that you "WILL NOT TOLERATE" his disrespectfulness! Walk away from him when he yells or talks about people in a bad manner....come back when he's cooled off and tell him that you feel hurt and degraded when he does those things and from now on, when you are put through those harsh times, instead of listening, you will leave the room, leave the house to unwind, or go to YOUR SAFE HAVEN to pray.

God knows your desires and He see's what your going through. He doesn't want you to be unhappy....He wants you to put TOTAL CONTROL in Him and allow yourself the freedom to be HAPPY!!

PRAY PRAY PRAY........You will hear the answers in Gods timing not your own....so rebuke the impatience (which we all go through) and allow yourself to be happy in ANY situation.....don't let DH dictate His sadness into your life.

CysterChristi · 03-26-2003, 05:31 PM

Hi Crissy,
I will be praying for you. I understand what you are going through, my father has pancreatic cancer mets to the liver as well as spread throughout to other places, he also was diagnosed diabetic. They have him on many med's including vicadin. My parents live about 1.5 hours away so I don't see them often but have been meeting them once a week. My father was acting just as you described your dh. My mom would joke 'see how mean he is?, now you can can take it and I can get a break'. My parents truely love each other, but what she said has some truth. She needs a break just as you do even if its an hour a week not discussing the disease. Some interaction with others. My parents are christians, my dad wasn't mad at God. He is/was angry at the situation that he has absolutely no control over, that he (his disease) is causing those he loves most heartache, and there is NOTHING he can do about it. When your husband is sour, you are the only one there he can express himself to, so it is not directed at you per se, it's just you are the only one there to hear it. DO NOT take it personally!! I hope that makes sense.
There are support groups at the church (my dad doesn't want to go to them), what about asking family or friends to visit? Believe me, we want to help. My parents(probably like you) don't want to burden anyone, but in reality we(family & friends) can't wait to be asked,-people are afraid to approach sometimes for fear that we might overstep our boundaries. Actually, I haven't waited, I just say I will meet you at your appointment or can we come to visit or gosh! we would really like you to come stay with us the weather is great!
I will pray that those around you see your needs and will comfort you.