Christian cysters, please help -- I don't know what to do...

denise26 · 03-24-2003, 11:04 AM

Please help me, I really don't know what to do, or how to react -- I have been so miserable lately, and most of it is related to my size -- there are so many things I can't do or have or be because of how big I am, and I have been so angry at God because no matter what I do, nothing ever gets any better... so last night I was praying -- in reality it was more yelling than praying -- but in the course of it I realized that I have never really asked God to lose weight, I just wanted it and assumed that He knew -- but I was thinking about all the verses about asking and receiving, etc, and so I asked, after all this time. The problem is, as strange as this may sound, I really feel like god just said no. I am almost as certain as if I had heard the word aloud. Now I don't know what to do. I don't understand why God would deny me something I have wanted so badly, and worked so hard for, and I don't know how to go forward -- I have a really hard time understanding how to believe God loves me when stuff likes this happens, and I don't know how to love Him either -- right now all i can feel is hurt. Any prayers or advice are welcome -- needed even. Thanks for listening.

Appollonia · 03-24-2003, 01:06 PM

My dear sister and friend, my heart really went out to you reading this. How often we have prayed for something we desparately want and feared we are hearing that word, "no".
Can I give you some insights?
I have found that sometimes my own fears and anxieties echo around me very loudly when I am praying and it can be easy to misinterpret them as being God speaking. I am actually learning to ignore that, now. I think in the past I have allowed that to trip me up.
Recently I studied for a very difficult exam and was terrified that I would fail. I read the Bible over and over and was drawn to passages that said that if I committ my plans and purposes to God, he would give me the desires of my heart. I also came across verses that seemed to discourage me from believing that I would succeed. I was a bit confused. But, I ignored the dissenting voices.
I prayed and prayed that God would speak to me authentically and clearly and keep me from false "voices" that are not from him. My gut instinct is that fear and anxiety, which are so real to us and so, so deep in us, is what you were really hearing and not God. But, I urge you to pray to God to keep you from false voices and to hear him truly and authentically.
I know how our weight is such a burden and a bain and I sympathise with that, so much.
I think the seven pound weight loss is an encouraging sign that you will succeed and God is not stopping you!
Another prayer point that I found helped was to verbally thank God for five things before I started prayer. It didn't matter whether I felt thankful or not. I think that pleases him.
I repeat, I just don't think it was God. But, that is a hunch. But, a strong one, dear sister in Christ.
I passed the exam, no problem!
Please feel free to email me: rushmi7@hotmail.com.

Ajani · 03-24-2003, 01:15 PM

I can pretty much guarantee that God does not want you to be unhealthy, so He is not going to make you stay overweight. However, He is more concerned with your heart than your physical appearance. It wouldn't be strange to think that God would want you to learn to focus on your identity in Him, rather than your identity in the world. If you want to lose weight just to look better, and feel better about yourself, where does God come in?

It may be that you are placing something in your life ahead of God. I know that I turn to TV and food before I turn to Him quite often. He doesn't punish me for it by making me fat, but when my walk with Him is faltering, it's hard to stay on track with losing weight. My own willpower is incredibly insufficient to get me thin.

I hope that I'm making sense. God is more interested in your walk with Him than your walk around the block. When our hearts are right, often the things that we struggle with tend to fall away. Food is a big one, though, because we actually need it. It's not like quitting smoking. So, we need God all the more to get us through.

Spend more time with Him, and ask Him to show you if you're filling a void in your life with something other than Him. Be diligent. And remember, you can't win His approval. You already have it all.

angeltears · 03-24-2003, 01:20 PM

Please try to take it one day at a time. Ask God on a daily basis. Every morning when you wake up, pray that the Lord will help you that day. Ask him to be with you and make the proper choices during the day. I do know how you feel. I've been praying my whole life for the Lord to help me lose weight and I realized that if I take it one day at a time, and continually ask him throughout the day to help me, he does.

Good luck!

Yolanda · 03-24-2003, 01:21 PM

I'm having the same feelings myself, so I won't try to give you any advice, but please know I'm praying we both find the answers we are looking for. God bless you.

AmandaC · 03-24-2003, 02:05 PM

I feel a bit cheeky posting a reply because I havn't been a Christian very long. Also my computer is being slow so someone doesn't want me to post

I keep running into things I don't understand when I'm praying so I have been asking for clearer understanding and that has helped (most of my prayers seem to be "I know I'm being a bit thick but could you make that clearer please").
One of the words in your post which caught my eye was love. Do you love yourself enough? Its really easy to hate yourself with this disease - again I feel a bit cheeky because I just have the spots hair and fertility problems - but even so its been hard to feel good about myself. You could ask to love yourself like God loves you. (please ignore me if I'm way off).
You also mentioned that your weight stopped you doing stuff. What stuff? We have a disease but we have to get on with our lives with dignity despite our disease. Please don't let any aspect of it stop you. You could pray for that too.
I really hope this helps, all this stuff is so important but so difficult to express properly
Lots of love
Amanda C

curvaceous_angel · 03-24-2003, 06:58 PM

I am a bit heisitanat (sp?) to reply to this but I am going to throw in my .02 and my prayers for you. I know from my own personal experiance that it is really easy to get mad at God when you are trying so hard for something but it just won't happen. When I first started trying to lose weight I wasn't happy with myself, I didn't love myself like God loves me. When I came to terms with that I asked God to change my heart and to help me in my journey. Everyday I would look in the mirror and tell myself that no matter what anyone says I am beautiful and that God loves me so I should love myself like he does. I had to remind myself that God doesn't care what I look like. He will love me no matter what. When this started sinking in I began to ask God to help me lose weight... more asking him to help me keep from the things I shouldn't eat. It became easier to turn down the bad food. The more I put my trust in God the easier things became. I hope that my story might help you some. I will keep you in prayers hun and good luck. ~hugs~

ladioffaith · 04-03-2003, 12:46 AM

The scriptures say that man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart.

So while I doubt that God wants you to stay overweight, another cyster may be on to something, maybe the Lord wants you to check your motives. Maybe he also wants you to work on the heart issues that will be there long after the weight is gone.

So maybe instead of asking to be thin (a prayer that will take a long time to answer) maybe youl should change the direction of your prayers to things like, "Lord, please help me to be a good steward of this body you have given me, please help me to put food into it that wil make me healthy and strong, help me to make wise choices."

Also, please pray that you will learn to see yourself as the Lord sees you. He doesn't like people speaking ill of his children, especially us speaking ill of ourselves.

And don't wait until you are thin to love yourself, or to do many of the things you say your weight keeps you from doing! I have a feeling that at least in some cases, it's not the weight itself, it's the lack of confidence. I can truly say my weight does not keep me from doing one thing I want to do, and I am significantly overweight.

Blessings,

Di

KYBluegrass · 04-07-2003, 09:37 PM

Oh, boy, do I know what that is like! I have had PCOS for 24 years, and all of those 24 years, I prayed that God would help me to lose weight, as I got bigger and bigger. Sometimes for me too, I thought that I could hear God's voice saying no. I thought I'd never have my fondest wish...to lose weight and be able to have a baby. My family dragged me down constantly, degrading me because I 'was so out of control'. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that God will give you the desires of your heart. In my case, I think God was waiting on me. I put off going to the doctor for years at a time, because I didn't want to hear 'well, just lose weight', like it was the easiest thing in the world for me to do. I didn't want to see another doctor giving that "oh, sure," look as I told him my difficulties with dieting. In February of 2002, I went one last time to the doctor. Nothing came back on the tests....nothing was wrong with me. I was completely depressed. My friends kept telling me to go see an endo, but I hesitated, afraid to hear the same thing again. Finally, it was like a voice said to me, "try once more...just once more." After a month, I went to see an endo, and she was wonderful! I was treated, and I am on my way at last. I have lost 125 pounds so far, and I thank God every day for letting me find her, and for my success so far. I had to wait 24 years for it, but in retrospect, it has been so worth the wait. Darlin', sometimes God's clock just doesn't move like ours. He will give you what you need...just trust in that.

ktlynn · 04-14-2003, 04:22 AM

I, too, know all too well the troubles of trying to lose weight. I have not been very successful either, and I too was angry. But instead of being angry at myself, which I should have been, I was angry at God. I was talking to my mother last month about it and she gave me the best inspiration to get my act together:

God never puts more on your plate then you can eat.

And how fitting is that? It changed my whole perspective on my situation. And it made so much sense to me. Raised as a christian, i always believed that God would never give us more than we can handle, he would challenge us and test our strength, but never to the point that we couldn't handle. I have always believed that when no one else is there for us, when no one else believes in us, God is there and believes in us. And when your family and friends are down on you about your health and they don't think that you can do it, it sure does make a world of difference to know that God is there cheering you on and helping you through this. And my mother's comment reflected on my whole life's beliefs. Hope this helps some people, it sure helped me.

denise26 · 04-18-2003, 12:07 AM

Thank you so much everyone for your responses -- they were very encouraging. I thought I would give you a litttle update...

You were right, all of the drama was really about a lot more than weight -- I have some other issues to deal with, and God has been trying to get my attention for a while. My tailspin over the weight issue finally drove me to start looking at the other things I had to deal with God about. I went last week for counseling with my pastor, we had a good meeting (good = snotfest on my part

) and he made some reccomendations for me. I am going to be working throught the book Embracing the Love of God with a mentor and meeting with my pastor occasionally to try and cope with the root problems behind all the craziness and depression I have been coping with -- to make a long story short, my concept of God is all screwed up, so everything else in my life is off, like trying to do calculus when I do addition wrong. I know I have a long way to go and I have more pain in my future, but I fell like the suffering will at least have a purpose and I am finally moving toward healing. My pastor has a real gift for counseling, and my church is a good place to heal, and I am really thankful to be where I am right now.

OK, this is really long...thank you all for your prayers and support.

katiwren · 04-18-2003, 12:23 AM

Denise,

I have no idea why I chose to read your post, since I'm never in this forum, but for some reason I did, and I also felt the need to respond to it. I don't know if this will be helpful to you at all, but I'm going to post it anyway. Who knows? Maybe if it doesn't apply to you it will to someone else. (Can you see how I've struggled with myself over posting here at all?)

You wrote that there are things you cannot do or have or be because of your size, and I just don't think that's true. Unless your goal in life is to be a size 2, you should be able to do and have and be everything you want. There are bigger women who fill all kinds of roles in the world, from model (yes) to mother to anything you can think of. I think the "No" you heard was not a "No, you must stay overweight" but a "No, you do not need to lose weight to join in with life". In fact, the more you join into life now and stop putting things off due to your weight, the easier weight loss will be.

I think this spoke to me because I have spent the last year wrestling with the same issue. I was always planning the life I would have once I lost weight. I built it up so much, that I think I became afraid to lose weight because what if my life was still not what I wanted then?

Last year, for my 27th birthday, I decided to stop doing that. I had spent years wanting my navel pierced (I know, not everyone agrees, but I wanted it) but waiting until I had a flat stomach to show it off. As a gift to me, and in a way to seal my promise to myself that I would stop hiding from life that way, I got my navel pierced. I love it. But recently, well, to be honest, over the last 6 months, I have let myself fall back into hiding from life and often blaming my weight. I think that's why I read your post. To remind myself and to share my story.

I hope that was helpful to someone else. If not, it was at least helpful to me.

Take care all.

--KT

AmandaC · 04-18-2003, 10:34 AM

Hello Denise

It was very good to read your post and hear that you are moving forward. I have been thinking about you and praying for you. Your church sounds great. Best wishes on your journey.

Amanda C