Christian sistsers (and anyone else! lol)

MrsIhde · 08-30-2005, 03:03 PM

We had our first meeting with the pastor yesterday for the wedding. Everything went well. He is my Dad's friend and a really nice guy. My FI is a christian but the only church he has ever gone to regularly is a nondenominational church. I was born and raised (and try to attend when I am not at work) in a First Landmark Missionary Baptist Church and there are a couple of things that my FI doesn't understand about what the pastor had said. The pastor said that he feels comfortable about officiating the wedding and doesn't feel that we need to meet again unless we want to. I want to but my FI doesn't. I want my FI to understand more about my religion and my church before the wedding. I have tried to explain this but he feels (which is his right please don't judge him) that he doesn't have to go to church to worship God. Which he is right, he doesn't, but I would feel a lot better if we were on the same level as far as church goes. Any suggestions?

tiggerlily5278 · 08-30-2005, 03:30 PM

I go to church almost every Sunday, but I go alone. Like your FI, my DH believes in God but does not feel the need to go to church. People can worship anyway, home, outside, in a church, etc. But going to church is nice because you are with other members who share the same faith and come together to worship. I really love my church and enjoy my time there. I don't mind that my DH does not attend. It is his choice. Just as it is my choice to go. You can't force him.

MrsIhde · 08-30-2005, 03:33 PM

I am not trying to force him to go to church. I just want him to understand more of what my church believes. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't want to go to church, it bothers me that he won't let me explain more to him about my church.

canadianmutation · 08-30-2005, 03:45 PM

Sometimes you need to back up a little and try to understand where he's at. Weddings are stressful and having you wanting him to know more about your faith/Church and having you talking about it is probably more than he can handle. You have to remember that God works on his own time and to relax about all this because it is in his hands. Give the guy some room to manueuver - you have the rest of your lives to explore church and faith together.

Elaineno10 · 08-30-2005, 04:35 PM

I have an idea if there are certain things about your faith you want to share with him write it down. And if he has questions talk about it. I guess he does not feel like he needs to go to Church or talk to your Pastor more he just needs to know you. My bf and I go to Church every Sunday together but you can't force someone who does not want to go or get more involved. You can pray for him! But if you have the things written down for him how you believe then he can see it and think about it and not feel like he is being pressured. Hope this works for you!

CONGRADUALTIONS!!!

Sincerely,
Elaine

MrsIhde · 08-30-2005, 04:41 PM

thanks! I'll try that!

KatCarney · 08-30-2005, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsIhde

I want my FI to understand more about my religion and my church ...

If FI is a Christian, then how is your 'religion' differnt from his? What specifically does he need to understand (that you feel he doesn't)?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsIhde

...it bothers me that he won't let me explain more to him about my church.

Why? (just asking...

)

bonnieboo · 09-01-2005, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatCarney

If FI is a Christian, then how is your 'religion' differnt from his? What specifically does he need to understand (that you feel he doesn't)?

Lots of Christian religions have different beliefs, and I have found the Baptists (particularly the southern variety) to be quite strict in their interpretation of the King James version of the bible. Other Christion religions are not so strict, and believe in the value of that particular version (or even other versions, although they are more difficult to come by) of the bible as a teaching tool, but allow for broader interpretation. Then there's the difference between, say, Catholics and some other Christian religions with regard to belief in the trinity (father, son, holy spirit...amen).

That said, I would be interested in what specific things the op wants to share with her fi with regard to her religion? Are they things that -- if you don't agree about them -- would make your marriage more difficult?

MrsIhde · 09-01-2005, 04:00 PM

He is a Christian but has never belonged to a church. He knows about God; he is just confused about what my church believes and he won't let me explain so that he can understand. In a way I feel that it will affect our marriage because if we aren't on the same page about church and God then how will our kids feel?

KatCarney · 09-01-2005, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bonnieboo

Lots of Christian religions have different beliefs...

I've heard of different Christian 'denominations', but not different Christian 'religions'...

Quote:

...I feel that it will affect our marriage because if we aren't on the same page about church and God then how will our kids feel?

Are you adamant that your children belong to your specific demonination, or would you be ok with them being a Christian, but still having the freedom to choose their own demonination? If you want your kids to grow up only believing what your particular church believes, that does seem like an issue you should resolve with your FI. Have you spoken to your pastor privately about your concerns?

BTW, I attend a church that is of a different denomination of my parents. When I'm in their town, I attend their church(Baptist)...when they're in my town, they attend mine(COGIC). Both churches are Bible-based churches...we don't have any issues with the 'particulars' of the demoninations. The foundations are the same.

I don't really have an answer for the OP, however, I stumbled upon this article today:

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Seek God's help to avoid argument about religion

By BILLY GRAHAM
SYNDICATED COLUMNIST

DEAR DR. GRAHAM: Every time my cousin and I get together, we end up arguing over religion. We belong to different denominations, and he's always trying to convert me to his way of thinking about what I consider minor things. We're both Christians, and I'm sure God doesn't want us to argue, but how can I avoid it? -- P.D.

DEAR P.D.: Yes, you're right: God certainly doesn't want His children to argue and fight over minor differences in belief. Instead, the Bible says, we should "love one another deeply, from the heart" (1 Peter 1:22).

Admittedly, churches and Christians do disagree sometimes about minor issues -- but the Bible is clear about the central truths of the Gospel, and they should be our focus. Satan is delighted when Christians can't get along with each other (whatever the reason), because he knows that it blunts our witness and diverts us from God's plan for our lives. I've always tried to follow a principle I heard many years ago: In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love.

What should you do? First, before you and your cousin get together the next time, take time to pray about your visit, and ask God to help you both avoid a contentious spirit. Instead, ask God to help you have true fellowship with each other -- perhaps recounting what God has been doing in your lives recently, or sharing a problem and asking your cousin to pray about it.

In addition, remember that it usually takes two to argue -- so ask God to help you guard your tongue and avoid responding. The Bible wisely says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

Contact the Rev. Billy Graham c/o Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, NC 28201, phone 877-247-2426, or see the Web site www.billygraham.org .

(hmm, I seem to have closed the original page before I grabbed the source code...sorry 'bout that...)

Jashobeam · 09-01-2005, 07:48 PM

I agree you need to be on the same page. You two sound like you need to have a few long talks before the big day. I hope he opens up to you and tells you how he feels about all this. When two become one, it's important they believe the same way. It's hard enough being married in today's world, without starting out on the wrong foot.

Elaineno10 · 09-04-2005, 07:13 PM

Well if this is that important for him you need to let him know how serious you are about it. By not wanting to talk about something and putting it in the back corner he is not considering your opinion. Pray then go and talk to him. Explain the importance that he knows how you feel. This is a hard situation. I agree with maybe talking to your Pastor about it.
God Bless,
Elaine

MiWolverineMommie · 09-04-2005, 07:38 PM

It does make the marriage a lot easier if you are on the same page BEFORE you get married. I was raised Catholic but did not attend (only when I was little.) My Dad was never Catholic and he and my Mom had "issues" about it. "Why does Dad not have to go to church?"
My DH is Church of Christ. Overtime, at my own pace, I asked more about his church and ultimately joined the church.
I would suggest that you back off and just let things happen. He is probably a little overwhelmed by all the God/church/wedding stuff and will probably come around to it later.
However WAY BEFORE you have children make a decision about if he will attend with or without you. You both have to be on the same page before a child starts asking you all the questions.....

KatCarney · 09-04-2005, 07:45 PM

Just out of curiosity...

Are there specific issues where your beliefs completely DIFFER? (ie You've expressed that you believe one way, and he has clearly expressed that he disagrees...)

Or does your church have some beliefs 'specific to your church' that you want your FI to understand and accept? (...but, for now, he's ambivalent about those beliefs...)

Either way, could you elaborate on the beliefs of your church that are causing the strife between you and your FI? (are these issues specific to your CHURCH, or issues specific to Christianity...)

(If it's the the former: Pray. If it's the latter: Pray harder

)

Juana Baby · 09-04-2005, 08:03 PM

I am going to put a quick answer for now but I am also going to pray on your question and see if something more comes to my heart to share with you.

First off, your right, your fiance does not have to go to church to worship God. We go to church to be surrounded by our sisters and brothers in Christ for support on our everyday lives and to learn more about how to serve God. A church is only a building that the body of Christ gather in together. So, the question is, does your fiance worship God outside of church? Does he pray daily? Does he tithe? Does he have a personal relationship with Jesus?

1 Corinthians 6:14 in the New Living Translation says "
Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil*? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16 And what union can there be between God's temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God." In other translations it says "do not be unequally yoked."

These things that are important to your spiritual life need to be discussed prior to your marriage! If that means going to a christian counselor, pastor or mentor to mediate the process, I would do it.

My husband and I were not christians when we met. Oh, we had both gone to church in the past, he was baptist and I was pentecostal, but we did not go to church and we were not christians nor living a christ filled life until about a year or two after we were married. Our relationship with God has totally changed our lives. God comes first in our lives, then each other. Because even when - God forbid - if we were no longer together because of death - I still must answer to God for my actions and so must my husband. My husband is the spiritual leader of my home. This is what we are instructed to do in the Bible. He is the head of the house. This does not mean that I am his servant, but that I am his help-mate.

Okay, different subject.

Please discuss this before you get married. Trust me when I say that if you do not discuss this before and know exactly what beliefs or expectations you have for your marriage and spiritual life, you will have heartache in the future. I say this with love to you my sister in Christ. Not to hurt you. Please understand that my heart is sincere.

My prayers will be with you.

laural