Co-Dependency

newlywedmommy · 03-21-2005, 03:15 PM

Just wondering if anyone else here can relate to this. I suffer from this as I grew up in a home with this problem. It is a hard habit to break and I am really try to change it. I thought that all women were like this but i have come to find out that I was wrong. I don't have the physical illness part...unless PCOS counts and not having AF sometimes!

What are some of the symptoms?:

controlling behavior
distrust
perfectionism
avoidance of feelings
intimacy problems
caretaking behavior
hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger)
physical illness related to stress

Here's a link if you want to find out more:
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm

kirvygerl · 03-21-2005, 04:10 PM

Wow- very interesting. I grew up in an disfunctional home, and as I was reading some of the indicators of people who develop co-dependency, I was struck by how how close to home they hit.

Newlywedmommy- What strategies are you using to help yourself with this?

newlywedmommy · 03-21-2005, 05:55 PM

kirvygerl -

I am just trying to be me aware of why i do/say things. I think that there is a fine line between some of the things in the symptoms category. I have a really REALLY hard time trusting people and I think that is because of how i was raised and plus i was raised by my grandparents so i have always had an insecurity a little bit because of that. I don't really have any close friends because it is just too much for me to handle, my family ALWAYS compares me to them and it is always that they are SO much better than I am. It is very hard. People/family can hurt you so much with the things they say and do even if they say that wasn't there intention. I have a real problem with perfectionism because I always feel like I am under a magnifying glass. I won't by something(even at 75-90%) off if it has a tiny mark on it etc. because i am so worried someone would notice it and think something negative. It's terrible....and some people have actually called me on how I am so reserved and afraid to let loose and I just don't know how to change that. I am not a happy go lucky, 'cheery' person.

Oh well.....I don't think i am AS bad as some people with co-dependency but i do see how if i don't make necessary changes it could get a lot worse!

Syxx · 03-21-2005, 06:10 PM

I hadnt even thought about this before, but reading into it - the symptoms seem to be alot of the problems I try desperately to deal with and get confused over why I do them.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us newlywedmommy

Chaque · 03-21-2005, 06:15 PM

I am currently seeing a Psychiatrist for a few personal things going on in my life.

At one point she suggested I read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

I havent read it yet, but thought some others might be interested in a book suggested by a psychiatrist. Ironically, my mother was told to read the same book years ago by hers. I am going to visit her in April and plan to just steal hers.

newlywedmommy · 03-21-2005, 10:56 PM

hmmm..i'll have to check out some books i guess

I don't pay for counseling anymore..i have you gals for that

I just think that the symptoms are kind of strange- i mean i think everyone has all of the symptoms more of less just at different levels. Kind of like the whole 'sign' thing(aries, libra etc...). It is all a bunch of the same traits just stated differently to make them sound unique.

Am i wrong to think that all women/mothers could relate to the symptoms of co-dependency on some level?