My psychologist said something very interesting to me yesterday that some others may be able to relate to.
I was explaining that sometimes I will have a negative thought but I'm able to 'talk myself out of it'. But other times the feelings of failure, misery, anger, helplessness are so strong & so all consuming & overwhelming that the 'voice of reason' in my head just completely disappears and is taken over by this 'beast'.
The 'beast' runs me down completely, and its dark & horrible with no possibility of anything ever going right. Its complete doom & gloom. The beast consumes me so much that I don't even consider any other possiblity. Its only after the 'beast' has left me that I'm able to cheer myself up again.
So I explained this to the psychologist and said that I get this horrible feelings of doom (sometimes from nowhere) and then the thoughts start.
She said that the general belief in psychology is that THOUGHTS COME BEFORE THE FEELINGS.
"Thoughts come before the feelings" - this sentence has given me a lot to think about in the last 24 hours, so thought I would share it.
I said this to DH and he said of course thoughts come before feelings, but for me I've always thought it the opposite.
My psychologist said that what is probably happening is that negative thoughts & beliefs are so entrenched that I don't always recognise the start of the negative thought pattern until the feelings surface.
This gives me such hope. Because if its my thoughts, then I can learn to control the thoughts (eventually with practice & help) which means I can control the feelings - which would be unbelievable to me!!!
Am I making sense or just rambling? Does anyone else feel completely ruled by their feelings at times? Has anyone tried controlling their mind by recognising the start of their thought patterns?
I am so glad you posted this. I can so relate to you. You make sense, and so does your psychologist! It's like we can't think ourselves into right acting, we have to act ourselves into right thinking.
Tonight my therapist taught me to validate my feelings, if I'm angry, go with it, walk, hit a pillow, sounds stupid but it's working.
Consummation and overwhelming - yep -it happens, and I hear ya cyster!
You sound great, and I wish you the best in learning what your psychologist is helping you with.
Surrendered Cyster - you are so funny (and pretty!)
I love you signature!
The overriding feeling I have at the moment is ANGER.
So my psychologists exercise for this week is for me to 'sit with my anger'. I have to 'free associate' and write down "I am angry because..." and then put it straight down on paper (rather then think whether its a good enough reason to be angry or not).
Well this is kinda funny but I'm angry with her for telling me to 'sit with the feeling', I HATE that. Its like me putting my hand on a hot plate and someone saying 'thats it, just stay with the feeling of pain, just think positively'.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.
I want to know how to take my hand off the hot plate!
Well this is kinda funny but I'm angry with her for telling me to 'sit with the feeling', I HATE that. Its like me putting my hand on a hot plate and someone saying 'thats it, just stay with the feeling of pain, just think positively'.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.
LOL! yeah that's it, keep yer hand on the plate and just think positive - oh this won't burn me....
I would AAAARRRGGGHHH too! LOL I hear you! You must be an angel? I take my anger out inward, and wow---sitting with that anger....
When I was doing therapy for anxiety one of the exercises we did was called cognitive restructuring. One of my anxiety symptoms was repeating thoughts (or something my therapist liked to call a "tickertape"). To get rid of those awful thoughts we took a piece of paper and folded it in half lengthwise. On one side I wrote down all of the awful thoughts (under "negative thoughts"), and on the other side (under "reality") we wrote down what was actually true. Like next to "I'm stupid" is "I'm not stupid" and maybe I would give an example of when I had been smart recently. Eventually this kind of restructuring came automatic, so now if I think "I'm stupid" I will automatically replace it with "I'm not stupid, I just feel stupid. I am actually very smart and will figure out a way to fix whatever is bothering me or just stop letting it bother me." You really *can* restructure your thoughts in ways that work for you rather than against you.
One of the things I tried that helped when my thoughts were uncontrollable (when my anxiety was at its worse) was having a rubber band on my wrist and I would snap it and say "Stop!" and that would shut up the repeating voices. Then I just needed to say "Stop" and eventually I replaced the bad thoughts with more rational positive thoughts and they left me alone entirely.
Hi!
I love the type of therapy that adresses how we think and how we talk to ourselves. Cognitive or cognitive behavioural therapy. I love it so much that i am hopeing to be a cousellor that specializes in it..
However, I still strugle with depression and anxiety myself sometimes so I have a long ways to go before i'll be any kind of expert.
Your therapist sounds awesome, keep us posted on how the new techniques are working for you and if you have any tips for th rest of us!
Some voices are not so happy with this new technique. But too bad!
Another thing she is getting me to do, is when I have a negative thought i.e. I am a bad person or Nothing good is going to happen to me, is to get an empty chair & address "me" as you might do to a child - gentle but firm.
She says you feel a little crazy doing it but it works.
So I look at an empty chair and imagine its this particular negative voice and say "Now Jane, tell me exactly why you are a bad person." My voice comes back with stuff "Because I haven't rung my pregnant friend". And then I'd say something like "Well of course you haven't. You're still grieving your miscarriage. Give yourself a break. This does not make you a bad person".
Its a bit like what Nicole said in her post about challenging it (but on paper). I might feel bad, but I'm not a bad person.
I could be a therapy convert here. I've always been so cynical about it. I enjoyed my last therapist and she was right at the time, but this one is giving me alot more "practical" things to do.
Seriously, once you've mastered this, you can handle all sorts of things and "normal" people who haven't done it get all impressed at your calm and sensibility. I'm always like, you should have seen me *before* therapy! It is something that should be available just to learn to deal with regular stress.
I'm reading an excellent book that covers this subject. It's called Self Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning. It's worth borrowing from a library and having a look.
I WILL CONTROL MY BRAIN.
Some voices are not so happy with this new technique. But too bad!
lol! Good for you I get a kick out of the things we can say that actually work.
Today I was walking past a place where I had a really bad memory, and I just said to myself, 'Who has the power now!"
It felt good.
Kath - that book is good.
I did my "home work" the I am angry because....
I wrote 5 pages (small pages though!)
Now I really mad.
I think I could write more!
Still gotta stay with that feeling...god help my work mates & DH today...!!
I did my "home work" the I am angry because....
I wrote 5 pages (small pages though!)
Now I really mad.
I think I could write more!
Still gotta stay with that feeling...god help my work mates & DH today...!!
Way to go! Wish I could get some of this freaking anxiety out on paper.
I am so frustrated with myself. I seriously give up on me. I don't know what my problem is.
I go to my therapy session with my anger exercise in hand. She says hi, some small chatter on how my week's been. Then lets look at your exercise.
I say NO. I swear I had no idea I was going to do that until that moment.
So then we talk about why I don't like talking about my feelings, why I don't cry, why Im embarassed, why I don't trust her.
I hated the whole thing. I hate the fact that I have feelings & emotions. I feel pathetic having them. So I go home, get rotten drunk & then scratch myself with scissors (something I haven't done in months).
Now I'm hungover & filled with remorse & loathing.
I mean what is up with me. I seriously need to get over myself.
Control your Mind (and Depression & Anxiety) ?? 
