Cremation???

TatianaHdz · 01-13-2006, 04:08 PM

As I said in my previous post, I finally have my miscarriage, and we have the baby's body. We are no trying to decide what to do with it. I don't think we want to take it to the doctor, because we can just imagine hold they will rip open the sack, poke the baby with needles and throw it away without a second thought. We really can't live with that. So, we figured we have 2 options...burying him somewhere or cremation.

We are moving soon, so our in-laws said we are welcome to bury the baby in their backyard, but we hate to do that in case they move one day. Just doesn't feel right.

We thought about going to a state park or something and putting the baby in a lake or burying him somewhere, but figured some wild animal would dig him up and eat him or something. (sorry..tmi)

So, we're considering cremation. Is that strange? I know it's such a small baby that no one probably does this, but it seems like the best choice to me right now. I couldn't sleep last night, because I kept thinking someone had come in the house and stolen the baby or an animal had gotten in and eaten it. I even wanted the baby to stay beside the bed or in the bed with us, but my husband said that was morbid. I'm just afraid that, if I bury him, I will regret it and worry for the rest of my life. For an older child or baby, I would choose burial, but he is so tiny and I never got to know him...it just seems right to me that I keep him with me. Am I crazy? Has anyone else done this???

Also, does anyone know who to call or what the price of cremation is? If it's too much, we may need to wait a week or 2 to get the money. If so, should we refrigerate or freeze the baby (sorry...tmi!)? I hate to even think of doing this, but if it will preserve him long enought o get him cremated, I will.

I'm not sure if anyone even does cremation for a tiny fetus, but I'd love any info you guys have on the subject. I'm so sorry if I offended or upset anyone. I just know you guys are the only ones who might have an answer to my question. Thanks soooooooooooooo much!!!

Rosie1028 · 01-13-2006, 04:16 PM

I just wanted to give you a big hug! I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I know that a lot of people cremate their young babies. I would call a funeral home and ask them. I also know that funeral homes do work with people with the finanical part too.

Please take of yourself!

idovideos · 01-13-2006, 04:47 PM

I would echo what the previous poster said about checking with a funeral home regarding cremation. I do know that if you need to preserve the body putting it in a freezer bag & the in the freezer will keep the body ok until you decide what to do (vets do a similar thing with dead animals).
I know this is extremely hard for you, do take care of yourself & a big ((hug)) to you during this time.
Christie

Kibbie · 01-13-2006, 04:59 PM

I'm very very sorry for your loss...

Many people opt for cremation, and I have even seen pictures of beautiful tiny little urns, designed specifically for pregnancy loss. I would contact a funeral home. There are even keepsake jewelry urns for sale (jewelry that will hold a small portion of ashes), here's an example...

http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/bro...included).html

Just so you know, I didn't think your post was morbid at all. I think those are probably thoughts that go through the head of just about every parent who has lost a pregnancy. Good luck with your decision, and God bless your angel in heaven.

lovepotato · 01-13-2006, 05:11 PM

I'm sorry. I do have answers though.
When we went to the funeral home after Eric's funeral, to finalize his headstone, we looked around. We saw tiny urns, like 3 inches high, I think. We also saw little necklaces. They might be traditionally for keeping part of someone's ashes, but you could probably use one of those.
My friend just told me that her cousin has her miscarried baby in a necklace. I thnk she had her baby cremated, I'm not sure.

I think that cremations are cheaper than burials. Our funeral was around $350, for a casket, the funeral home stuff, like paperwork or whatever, transport, a death certificate, and tax. I don't know how much it would be for your baby, I'd call and ask. And most funeral homes do let you make payments.
I don't know what things cost in your area, they might be higher or lower, but you should be able to have your baby cremated, it's not uncommon.

TurtleLove · 01-13-2006, 05:14 PM

i thought your post made perfect sense. Caitlin was born when I was a little over 18 weeks along. We had her creamated you can see pix of her urn if you click on the link about her in my sig. We buried her in the cemetery between dh's dad and brother. we will be putting up a stone or something in the spring or summer. call a funeral home, the pricing will vary by home and by region. they do charge less for babies and the smaller urns are less expensive. i have seen on here some moms choose to creamate and keep the babies with them, our urn came with a stand for that purpose. we choose burial because that was what seemed best for us. do what is best for you and dh no one else has to live with your choice the way you do. best of luck and hugs!

Mindijean · 01-13-2006, 05:41 PM

We had Daniel cremated. After a wonderful RN took pictures and footprints of Daniel, the funeral home was contacted. They cremated Daniel for free. We went and picked out his urn (about 3 inches tall, called a keepsake urn) as well as a memory box. Our Priest came and blessed Daniel before he was cremated, which actually made Mark and I feel a lot better.

We now have a memory box that holds: Daniel's pictures, his u/s pics, his footprints, his urn, cards, poems, pressed flowers, etc. with a nameplate on the front a local jewler inscribed "Daniel Lawrence P. and his date of birth/death".

HTH

Reebekah · 01-13-2006, 08:35 PM

i'm so sorry you have to go through this.
we had marissa and gabriella cremated -- i contacted a private funeral home and they handled everything from there. they were placed in a smaller keepsake urn that we keep in a fire proof safe...this way they can go with us whereever we might go in the future. i'm not sure about cost because my local funeral home did it for free as part of a community service program for parents who lose babies..........but i THINK the cremation would have been around $50 and the urn around $100. instead of using the funeral home, we have a private service for them at our church (free).
you are in my thoughts and prayers.

twinkle317 · 01-13-2006, 08:52 PM

Tatiana I'm so sorry for your loss (((HUGS))). I had a miscarriage at 17 w 3 days. My husband and I decided to have our little girl (Amber Michelle) cremated. We contacted a private funeral home here and they didn't charge us anything.

Like some of the other ladies we have a keepsake. It was hard at first deciding on what we would do with the ashes. We finally decided to plant a tree/flower and spread her ashes around it at our home.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

MsVay · 01-14-2006, 05:08 AM

I know your pain all too well. We lost our little man at 18w and opted to have him cremated as well. The funeral home did not charge to cremate him but did charge to pick up his body ($45.00). The funeral home also planted a tree in his name. Ashton's father and I have jewelry that we wear with his remains inside. I purchased a regular heart shaped locket (for a picture) and put his remains in there. I wrote a personal note to my son and had it sealed in gold so it can never be opened again. Even if I don't wear it, I make sure that it is always with me just as he would be with me if he were alive. It is very comforting for me. This is a very hard choice to make.

Also if you do choose cremation just know that wiith out baby at 18 weeks we did not have a lot of remains. It was just enough to fill three lockets, so if you decide cremation please keep in mind that you may not have a whole lot of remains. The funeral home prepared us for that I am glad they did.

Gnzls924 · 01-14-2006, 06:43 AM

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I chose to bury Matthew in babyland at the cemetery where my father and grandparents are buried. At the time, we thought it was a good decision. But that first winter was very hard for us, knowing he was in the ground, and we were warm in our home...sorry for the tmi. But it really wore on the both of us. This winter was not so bad. I can still see him in his casket....looking like an angel.

But if i had it to do over again, i would want him with me. If you can just call up a couple of funeral homes and see what they can do for you. I am sure they would accomodate you....but do not wait too long.

So sorry you have to go through this....

VivC · 01-17-2006, 05:51 AM

Tatiana, we had Rivi cremated. They had to make us a special urn, since the one we fell in love with was too big. Sigh....

Our plan is to bury his ashes with whichever one of us dies first. In the meantime, he's in a curio cabinet in the dining room, where we can hug and kiss him.

This time is so hard.....most funeral homes have special programs for infant loss, and they'll work with you on pricing, etc.

((hugs)),

Viv

TatianaHdz · 01-17-2006, 11:21 PM

Thank you so much for all your information and stories. I don't feel as crazy now!

We have decided that we definitely want to have the baby cremated. We just can't bare doing anything else. We want to keep him with us wherever we go.

I really appreciate all of your stories, and I am soooo glad to have this place to talk.

One tattered Angel · 01-18-2006, 02:28 AM

First of all I want to say sorry to you and your hubby with the loss of your baby.
We lost our little Kenneth Lee at 19w but we decided to do a private burial. The funeral home was great and took off alot of cost because he was so small and didnt have to have alot of what a full baby would require for regulations before a burial. The state law in Alaska is any baby born at 20 wks or older has to either be cremated or buried. I am not sure what you state requires. SOme times I am glad we had a small burial for him and we can go out and visit him as often as we can but other times my mind plays tricks on me because we experience so much winter here that I worry about him being cold. It has been alittle over 10 yrs and I still think about things like this. As for creamation I think if this is offered and it is one of your only routes you should go for it. But I wonder if the state requires a release from a doctor because of things like vital statistics and things but I am not sure.I wish I would have asked to have this happen with my other 2 pregnancy losses because there is a void in my heart that time I dont think will ever erase.

I have noticed it hasnt been asked and please forgive me if you think it is none of my business. Have you atleast contacted your dr to let them know you experienced this loss? Also have they checked you out to make sure you are ok? Sometimes extra material is left in the body and can cause infection making it harder to carry another pregnancy if you choose to do so. Also sometimes the dr's need to go and do a D&C to get your body on tract. We know you are both trying to heal emotionally but you also need to heal physically. Also I think if I were in your case (which I am not and totally understand your beliefs on the subject) I would ask your doctor if he could help you remove your precious bundle from the sack and then they can possibley get a hand or foot print for you printed for you memory things.This way they may even be able to tell you the sex of your precious baby.But I would make sure the doctor was warned that you want absolutely NO Needles or things happening with your child. YOu HAVE this right. In my case I never knew the sexes of my two pregancy loosses and it sometimes bothers me just having to refer to the babies as misscarriage one and two or or when the loss of baby one or two happened if this makes sence. Plus I would love to know. Ive always wanted a baby girl but my husband teases and says he only makes boys. SOmetimes you have to get a little hummor in there to make life alittle asier.

Sweetie I am sorry you both have to go thru this and I pray you can get what you are wanting done so your precious angel can have a permanent resting place in whatever you choose to do. We will keep you in our prayers.

Love Your Cyster-Lesia

VivC · 01-18-2006, 06:42 PM

Lesia,

After Rivi died, and they took him to the morgue, I kept thinking of him freezing in there. Then I went through a day of, "What if they screwed up and he's still alive?" I know that, if he were buried, I'd worry about him being cold there, too.

Viv