Well let me start of by saying I'm 22 years old, since I was 17 I started to loose my hair for no apparent reason.. I went to so many doctors and was constantly mis-diagnosed. I also have had insomnia which gave me growth hormone defficancy, skin issues, weight issues, insulin trouble and EVERY aspect of my life has been ruined due to this problem.. No one around me understands what's going on.. I think some of my relatives even think I did drugs or drank to much that's why I look so horrible.. I've lost 80% of my hair on top of my head.. I don't even look like the same person
Since I was younger I was always insecure this situation has COMPLETELY destroyed my self esteem and my life, at such a young age my adrenals have been ruined that I can't take any stress-- not even finishing college or going to law school... My parents give me crap for it everyday and compare me to other healthy kids and ask what's wrong... then there's the looks I get from people.... People treat you so horribly just because of the way you look... OVER SOMETHING AT THIS POINT I can't even control.......
So much has happened.. I won't go much into detail, but I've lost all hope and faith.. I was always unsure whether or not God existed but often times I prayed to him to help me bc my situation is HORRIBLE...no response... I even asked him to turn back time and give me my life back... since I have such an extreme case of PCOS and so many other prblms that prevention would have been the only way to fix them.... no response no sympathy from God from all the tears I cry everyday...
Where is God admist tragedy and suffering? when I've reached rock bottom, where is God? why won't or she or whatever help me? not even a response? I have always been compassionate towards others in my life time, sure I've made some mistakes, but to punish me this much? to ruin my whole entire life like this? to let me fall apart?
WHERE IS GOD? or does he just not exist..... why is he punishing me.....
Trust me, He's there. If He wasn't, I'd be dead. It took me hitting rock bottom, holding an entire bottle of pills in my hand to truly realize this. I know you've got a lot on you, so I'm not going to drag you down by telling you what **** my life was in 2006, but let's just say that I saw no end to my physical, mental, and emotional suffering. The ONLY thing I didn't lose was faith in God. I prayed daily, and even though each day seemed to be worse than the next, I KNEW eventually, it would get better.
Keep praying, and empower yourself. First, take the things that are causing you insecurity, and work with them. I, too, lost a LOT of hair, not as much as you had, but trust me, I was lacking. What I did, was purchase hair pieces. I wore clip on hair daily for almost 4 years. There are now many hairpieces and wigs that are extremely fashionable and hardly noticeable. Trust me, it does wonders for your self-esteem, and they truly do look GOOD!
Second, take control of your PCOS. Trust me, there is help, don't stop until you get it. I nearly died before I got the help I needed, but I *finally* found a doctor that would help me. Talk to your OB/GYN about Metformin XR and a twice daily injection called Byetta. With the help of those two medications, my insulin levels became normal, I lost over 100lbs (over 2 years), my periods became regular, my acne improved dramatically, and for the first time in nearly 6 years, I don't have to wear a hairpiece. As for the anxiety/depression, don't be afraid to ask your doctors for help. I'm on Prozac, and when *not pregnant* Xanax for anxiety attacks. There's no shame in taking medication if you need it, trust me-- and let me add, the more your PCOS gets under control, the better your depression/anxiety will get. It may not go away totally, but it WILL get better.
It's a hard road. I'm not going to lie. You'll be sick from the side effects of the medications. There will be days you'll wonder if it's worth it. Trust me. It is. I was down so low, there was no place left to go but up. God and I talked daily. He never told me it would be easy, but I knew He would never leave me, and He won't leave you. Keep the faith, and pick yourself up-- believe it or not, He's given you the tools, pick them up, and go from there! *hugs*
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February 4th, 2009
6:12pm, 7lbs 21 inches
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I hear your cries, and God hears everyone. GOD hears all prayers, but doesn't necessarily give us what we want. We must be proactive to change our situation. If you're obese, work on eating right and exercising; If you're balding look into rogaine and other possible help; if you're hairy, wax &/or shave; if you've got facial hair (do the same); if you're infertile the weight loss can really help.
Life has been really rough for us in the past, and still continues to be rough, but things take time. It doesn't happen over night. FAITH is believing without the shadow of a doubt and praying endlessly for what you want and when you get it, thanking God for everything. Just the fact that you are questioning if there IS a God is blasphemous and you should definitly stop it. You need to find a friend or family member to confide in and to be your buddy to help you through it. You can even find someone on THIS SITE who lives close enough to you and is willing to actually meet you in person to be a support system and possibly become a close friend...
DON'T GIVE UP, KEEP TRYING, KEEP LOOKING, KEEP ASKING, KEEP PRAYING, KEEP THANKING... We shouldn't give up, even if we're one foot in the grave!
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But it's been five Years.. this started at 17 now I'm 22
of medications and organic dieting, herbs etc.
And it's not just PCOS, every aspect of my life is ruined... I don't understand what I did to deserve this..
Everyday I pray and cry out to God for help after so much suffering for so many years.. I've finally hit rock bottom.. Everyday I wish I could just go back in time.. it just seems like for ME prevention was the only cure now it's too late
Honestly I wish there was a God that cared about me, I really tried to have faith.. I'll try again.. but I'm about ready to give up and accpet that maybe there just isn't one.. unless he comes and helps me
The first thing I want to say is that having PCOS is not your fault. I know it is hard to feel judged by people around you, because it is such a misunderstood syndrome. There is nothing you could have done to bring it on or keep it away.
Prevention is NOT the "only" cure, or even a "cure" where PCOS in concerned. You cannot cure pcos, but you can manage the symptoms and live a life that is relatively free of pcos.
When is the last time you saw an Endocrinoligst? What labs have you had done? It's important to find a doctor who is willing to listen to your concerns. Are you currently taking anything for your symptoms? What about your depression? If your testosterone is too high, it could be causing you to feel depressed. How exactly has every aspect of your life been destroyed? I think it helps to write it down and get feedback.
Regardless of what your thoughts of God are, there is no denying the vast amount of help out there for pcos and its related symptoms. You are still quite young and have a lot of time to mend things, despite the way you feel. There are worse things - far worse things - to have.
My brief understanding of God is that He put us here to worship/serve Him. That He tests us with things like our health, finances, children, etc., to better ourselves. We aren't here for a free ride, we are going to be judged on how we lived and how we handled ourselves not only under trial & tribulation, but success & happiness...
If it were me, I would just put things aside with God -- tell Him that you are struggling right now and don't understand why this is happening to you -- but that you are going to focus on what is available to help yourself and you'll 'get back to him'. Just give the stress/worry to Himto hold for a while and get proactive about healing yourself.
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"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
-Albert Einstein
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DiamondintheRough. Danna, and a_beautiful_disaster have done such a beautiful job of supporting you, I'm really finding it difficult to add much more to what they've already said in their posts. All I can tell you is that I've been through a lot of tough times in my life, too. I've been through so much trauma within the past 20+ years that my therapist often tells me that it's a miracle that I'm still alive and "as normal, thriving, and successful" as I am today.
Well, the only thing I can really attribute as a reason for my recovery is God. I suffered from many medical and personal troubles for a lot of years. There were many, many times during the past years when I cried myself to sleep and asked Him for death so that I can be released from my pain. If it wasn't for God's Love for me, as insignificant as I am, I still wouldn't be here today. Because of God's loving assistance and guidance in my life, I'm determined to make the second half of my life a WHOLE LOT better than the first half!
I agree with Danna that you MUST be proactive with your recovery. My late father used to always tell me that "God helps those who help themselves", and that statement couldn't be more true for those of us who suffer from PCOS. Yes, God has surely helped me, but it was also my stubborn persistence and high work ethic that has helped me in my recovery, too. I still have a long way to go before I get to where I want to be health-wise, but I do know that God is there for me, you, and the rest of us who turn to Him for help.
Many (((hugs))) to you, Goddess Hecate, and please do NOT give up on yourself....you are a precious child of God and he does LOVE and CARES for YOU, whether or not you realize it right now.
Goddess,
Please do not look at this as God's punishment on you. God is there, He even states that He is right beside us when we go through the trials in our life. I don't know if this will help but please read the "Footprints". I truly hope this helps. Trust me, pray and believe. I know it has been a very long time, but pursue God through our Lord Jesus and you will find true happiness. God likes to unstuff our many hurts and pains from our past so we can truly worship him and put our lives towards Him. Hang in there, our dear sister in Christ, you will find true peace.
Footprints
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
I feel guilty to admit that I have also questioned God. I have been extremely low, selfishly contemplating suicide in the past. Reading your stories has made me realise something - we are not alone. I haven't been throught the same things, my symptoms are different but affect me all the same. I turned my back on God for years, even though I know he didn't with me. I couldn't see it at the time, but there are many things that He has done to show his love for me:
- helped give me the strength to be proactive, not give up completely, be calm and let go of the past
- pointed me in the direction of help with this site and verity-pcos.org.uk, which is good since I live in the UK. I had never heard of either, I just stumbled across them.
- allowed me to be a better person. I used to be so critical, so judgemental, not because I was nasty, but because I didn't LIKE myself. Now, I am calmer, understanding, appreciative of other people and their problems.
- made me see the beauty in things I couldn't see before - love, nature, light, the earth.
- taught me to ask for things I would have usually just written off and thought "I'm not good enough to ask for help". It may take time, but He listens, I promise.
- shown me the beauty in me, despite my human flaws. We are all made in the image of God, do not feel bad if you don't look the way you want to. You are loved.
I wish I could help all of you. I want to offer you encouragement and support. I don't know your religion specifically, Goddess, but personally I was extremely surprised when one morning, after my lack of faith and caring, I had an urge to go to my local church. I started attending mass. Being with the congregation, singing and praying helped me overcome so much. I am so grateful that God gave me a gentle nudge in the right direction. Why not give it a try? You will not be judged, and the priest will most likely be pleased to see a new face!
Hectate, please believe that God is ALWAYS there! Always! When your faith is shaken, tell Him and ask that he strengthen it and BELIEVE that He will. You don't have to have a lot of faith, just enough to believe and He will strengthen it. Meet Him halfway, no, run to Him! I've had 4 pregnancies, no births, and I believe. It's the only life I want to live. God will give you the desires of your heart but you have to believe, be patient and wait on His time. If you have trouble believing, then ask Him to help you believe! It works!
Pray, pray, pray for faith and pray for God to pull you in and He will.
I wanted to let you know that I too, had lost all hope and faith in this battle with PCOS, as well as all of the side effects and other health issues. Adding insult to injury was the loss of our miracle child to stillbirth at 39 weeks...I simply could not fathom why God would allow such a miracle into my life after all of these years, and then take it away only a week before he was to be born.
In the year following, my entire body and soul ached and what I did not realize is that along with grief, I was also harbouring much anger towards God. While grief is a necessary healing process for any sort of loss, the anger on top of that was just too much to bear. So while I cannot say I truly know how you feel in your shoes, I do know my own pain and can feel for your experiences.
To give you some personal background, I do not subscribe to any one religion, but as a seeker of spiritual insights I suppose my beliefs more closely resemble that of a Gnostic Christian and I believe that there is spiritual knowledge to be gained from each and every religion around the globe. :o)
I would like to recommend a book that my dearest friend in the world came upon and sent to me. It has made ALL the difference, and not only has it completely (and miraculously!) lifted my anger, but it has allowed me to see God in a new light and answered many questions that I have wondered about for YEARS. The book is called "The Shack" by William P. Young and I cannot recommend it highly enough...I am an avid reader, but I can honestly state that this book is the best I have ever read, bar none. It will indeed answer the question of 'Why me God', and I hope that it will bring you the same measure of peace that it has for me.
I want to believe that seeing your post and being moved to respond (and sign up here!) was no accident or coincidence. {{Hugs}}
P.S. Do know that this book WILL bring tears, but beyond that it also brings healing.
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I know what you mean. I have for the last two years prayed for a baby without ceasing. It almost seemed like I was talking to myself. I wondered why would God do this to me....wanting to be a mother so bad and being infertile. But heres the thing. God gives us trials. Sometimes they are due to sin, or due to other ppls sin. I really dont think your predicament is due to sin. Other times there tests. How would God know who really loves him through thick and thin if we were never tested. If things were always good, of course we would love everything. Im sure you are also thinking, if this is a trial, why have I been dealing with it this long....Well, several reasons. God's time isnt like our time. Years are like moments. He sees the begining, middle and end of our lives all at once. He also may be waiting for you to do something through this situation. Really think about it. Think....could God be using me in this situation to lead others to him....could this be to strenghthen my faith. Im not sure if any of this made any sense, but I would love to talk to you anytime.
Hello, here are some affirmations that may help you on your journey...I was recently diagnosed last month, and today...10 days before my 32nd b-day I have decided to take my life back! I will not let Satan try to destroy me. I know that when I am down, God is there carrying me, he is lifting me up, and sweetie, let me tell you that you are a fighter! Do not let Satan pin you down with his lies and his schemes cause sweetie, you shall live! Jesus said by his stripes we are healed! (Isaiah 53:4) You must visualize your healing. Stop looking at things in the carnal mind, stop looking at your circumstances. You must vocalize your praise, you must tell Satan that he has no hold on you and that by Jesus's stripes you shall be healed. Sweetie, I say everyday, God I choose today to know that you would never put too much on me, you know what I can not bear and you will carry me through my rough hours. I think about the woman with the issue of blood, she had so much faith sweetie, she said If I could touch the hem of his garment I know I shall be made whole!!! She touched Jesus, and He felt some of his power leave him, and he said, who touched me??? The woman came to Jesus trembling and Jesus said Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace. Luke 8: 41-49. I am soon to be 32 and I want a child, but God brought Hannah to my memory, in I Samuel Chapters 1 - 2. Since God healed so much then, what makes us forget that he can do the same today??? "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever." -- Hebrews 13:8 He does not change. God is not the author of evil, he does not want us to perish...1 Peter 5:8-9 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. You must continue to be steadfast and pray, stay in the word of God, and find a good church, I know it is hard, but allow God to lead you & guide you sweetie.
Here are the Affirmations! :-)
1. I can do all things though Christ who strengtheneth me. (Philippians 4:13)KJV
2. And we know that all thing work together for the good of them who love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. ( Romans 8:28 ) KJV
3. No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper, and every tongue that rise me shall be condemn. ( Isaiah 54:17) KJV
4. I am a positive encourage. I edify and build up; I never tear down or destroy. (Romans15:2)
5. I am a believer--- not a doubter! ( Mark 5:36 )
6. I love all people, and I am loved by all people (1John 3:14
7. I am a responsible person. I enjoy responsibility, and I rise to every responsibility in Christ Jesus. ( 2 Cor.11:28 KJV; Phil 4:13 )
8. I do not speak negative things. ( Eph. 4:29 )
9. I am an obedient wife( --or---child or person) and no rebellion operates in me.
( Eph . 5:22,24 TLB 1 Sam.15:23 KJV )
10. I am very prosperity. I prosper in everything I put my hand to do. I have prosperity in all arrears of my life- spiritual, financial, mental, and social. ( Gen. 39:3; Josh 1: 18; 3John 2 )
Source: http://www.xanga.com/blessedchild38/546320817/item/
I know exactly how you feel, infact most people here do because we go through almost the same degree of pain. I am not going to bore you with things i have had to face since i was 16 but you probably get my drift. Don't give up, i know it is hard. But don't. God has a plan for you, we don't know what it is and that is why we get so angry and hopeless because we don't understand, but He does. I believe God has His ways of cleansing His dear ones by suffering in this world which is very short. Please do not focus on all the things which are wrong(i know its hard) but try to focus on all the postives. Think about all those people who do not even have a morsel of food to eat tonight or think about all those children who will sleep on the streeets..think about a terminally ill person who is praying for just another minute/hour/day that he/she can get...think about all those things that you have others dont...God has a greater purpose behind our sufferings and trust me if we knew what it was we would be gladly suffering.
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I don't mean to be rude here but this woman is crying out for God's help and I don't recall any of you telling her that "no one comes to the Father but through me"--JESUS.
God can have nothing to do with the unclean and we are all unclean until we accept the gift of salvation that Jesus has extended to each of us...."For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23
God puts things in place for us to realize that we need a savior and that we cannot do it alone. He allows the devil to cause bad things to happen so that we will turn to God for his wonderful mercy, and allow Him to "work all things together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
And just saying the affirmations won't make them work, if you don't have the Word living in you.
I know people are going to be offended but it's my believe if you are going to lead someone to the One true God you have to show them why they need him not what they can get from him
Cruel Fate... God & Punishment 
{{Hugs}}
