daughty

Hello there,

I regularly post in the Diet and Exercise board but haven't posted here. I hope this is OK to start a daily balloon.

I just feel I have to vent my negative feelings somewhere. I hope you won't think bad of me.

I don't know what makes me so depressed. I have had issues with depression before. My mum was so depressed during her menopause that she hardly got out of bed. My sisters have been on antidepressants.

Yesterday I have decided to go off my diet. I have lost some weight but very slowly and I felt deprived all the time. Yesterday I binged on a box (200g!) of chocolate candies and that was it. I hated myself so much that I started mutilating my skin with a pair of office scissors.

Then I hated myself even more. I mean, how stupid can a person be? First I eat like a pig and then I go crying. Other people die of starvation and I cry because I pigged.

All this dieting is cracking me up. I am so focused on losing, I can hardly think of anything else. At the same time I am ashamed for being so superficial.

I feel so low and at the same time I feel ungrateful. My job is demanding and I am working long hours but I have found a job which is not that easy at the moment and I have a loving and caring DBF who loves me and finds me attractive even with my PCOS belly.

I just cannot stop beating myself up. I cannot wear nice clothes and I find only granny stuff. I live in a small town with no friends at all (I had to move here because of my job) and I feel really lonely.

I am panicking and I hope I won't lose control. I have started neglecting my job because I was obsessing about my weight all the time.

Stephanie

__________________
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

daculadawg1

HI, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU TALKED ABOUT PIGGING OUT. I DO THAT AND THEN I FEEL BAD.

BUT I DO THINK YOU SHOULD GO AND SEE A DR, PLEASE GO AND TALK TO A DR ABOUT THE CUTTING.
I WILL SAY A PRAYER FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.
LINDA MULL

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THANK YOU GOD FOR MY 2 WONDERFUL LITTLE GIRLS!!!!

angsum

I agree with Linda. Please go see a dr. ASAP about the cutting. That is very serious, and if you are that depressed, you need to talk to someone.

I will say a prayer for you also.

Angie

__________________
Angie, 32 ~ David, 37 ~ Married 5/28/04
DSS~ Jonathon, 10
Logan David arrived October 19th at 36w! 5 lb. 5 oz., 18 in.

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daughty

Angie and Daciladawg!

It means much to me you said a prayer for me.
Actually I feel better this week. I have decided to ease up about the dieting and I have started reading a book by Susie Orbach. She is a counselor specialised in eating disorders.

I don't have the courage to see my doctor about depression and cutting. I hope this won't happen again but if it does I'll go and see a doctor.

Thanks again.

Stephanie

__________________
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

angsum

Stephanie,

I am so glad that you feel better this week. Please continue to think positively, and if you ever need to talk, please email me. I would be glad to listen and help any way I can. I have been through some pretty serious bouts of depression myself, so I know how lonely you can feel.

My email is angsum@milesnmore.com.

Angie

__________________
Angie, 32 ~ David, 37 ~ Married 5/28/04
DSS~ Jonathon, 10
Logan David arrived October 19th at 36w! 5 lb. 5 oz., 18 in.

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