airforcewifeynva

Well, it's almost here. The day I have been dreading for a year. Tuesday is Dallas' birthday. He would be a year old. This is so hard for me. I keep thinking about the day we found out he was gone (July 14, Sunday). It hadn't rained in so long but it rained that day. Today....Sunday....it is raining again. It reminds me of last year and I have been crying most of the day. My friend has a little boy who will be a year old in 2 weeks. I look at him and know that my baby should be doing all the things he is doing. I miss my little boy so much. He was so perfect. I just wish he was with us today. Everywhere I look in my house, I am reminded of hiim. We got so many angels from his funeral and they decorate my house. It is nice to be reminded of him. I have a box, that the hospital gave me. It has his clothes that they put on him, a tuft of his hair, the umbilical cord clamp, a heart shaped pillow and a blanket in it. All of those things he touched. I haven't been able to look through the box lately because I just miss him so much. I know that I will tomorrow or Tuesday though.

My MIL called today and told DH that she had gone to the grave and put flowers out for his birthday. It upsets me so much that I cannot be there myself to put them out. We live in VA but buried him in TN...where we are from and all our family lives....in the family graveyard.

One of my only bright spots is his little brother that I am carrying right now. I know Dallas is watching out for him. I am also thankful for my DH. He has been so wonderful....but he is hurting too. This is so hard for us.

What I wouldn't give to be able to hold my precious baby just ONE more time. There is a song...One More Day...by Diamond Rio....that makes me think of Dallas.

Well, I am going to end this now. I am crying my eyes out and I am trying not to get myself so upset. I know Dallas wouldn't want me to cry and I know Ben doesn't want his mommy upset either so I am going to try to be strong....key word being TRY.

For those of you who don't know my story, please visit my website...and those who do, maybe you will visit my site again. Oh, and please keep me and my DH in your thoughts and prayers these next few days....we are going to need it.

Thank you for listening.

Juana Baby

Jessica, I want you to know that I will be praying for God's strength and comfort for you this week. I remember the excitement of your pregnancy with Dallas and then his passing. Please know that he is with God and that God loves you very much.

laural

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I love the Lord, because He has heard My voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1-2
Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship with Christ!


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Rosie1028

Jessica,
I want to send you a big hug. You and your family have been through so much. You will be in my prayers. Take care of yourself!

__________________
Rosie~33
Happily Married with 2 Children
Highest 240/current 227 and losing!! /150 goal?

Dx PCOS, Hashi's

1500 mg Met
100 mg levoxyl

amglpn

I will keep you and dh in my prayers!!! My son would have been 9 this July 4th, I lost him at 38 weeks preg. (placental abruption)
It does get better, I always hated when people would say this,
but its true!
Do you guys 'do' anything for Dallas' birthday?
I ask because this helps us so much. Every year now on July 4th, we blow up helium balloons(we do red,white and blue) and dh and I take one for each year he would be, everyone else grabs some and we say a little something and then we all let them go. Were talking 60 + balloons going up at the same time!!! All for our little Matthew!!!Our dd, shes 6 does this with us (we told her about him). She really likes it. And now when ever she gets a helium balloon she says I'm giving this to "my baby brother" and lets it go. I know it different for us since his birthday is on 4th of July! We also have a big cookout and do fireworks.
I dont know if that is something you would like to do or not. Also I've heard where someone lights a candle for the baby and sometimes use the same candle every year or gets a different one.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts! If I was close I'd give you a great big hug!!!!!!! And when you think of Dallas think of him sitting on Jesus' lap

__________________
I'M 28~DH 34~DD 6
^THEY ARE THE TWO BEST THINGS IN MY LIFE^
DS Angel Baby Matthew 7/4/94
We lost our DS due to placental abruption at 38 weeks pregnant!!

DX Sept.2001
Started Met. on Nov. 4th
(if I could only not skip days!)
Yasmin

*DannysMom*

((((Tears))))
Jessica~ I filled up with tears reading your post. You are such a strong mommy~ Dallas is ever present in your heart~ and will be especially close to his mommy and daddy on his first birthday. Both you and dh are amazing people... I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers..
Karen

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Karen (36) DH(37) TTC for 7yrs
Our Sweet Angels: 7/11/02 8w4d Our Angel (low progesterone) 12/26/02 16w6d Liam & Eileen (PROM/IC) 9/2/03 15w1d Aidan (PROM/IC) 2/13/04 Ectopic pregnancy/ loss of left fallopian tube
8/1/05 2nd IVF attempt a success!!!
Subchorionic Hemmorhage, IC, Gestational Diabetes, Pre-eclampsia, Chloestasis
Our Miracle Baby arrived 2/21/06

DavisSR

Jessica, every time I read your story I cry. I'll be thinking of you and your husband for the next several days. I'll visit your site again and look at your precious, beautiful baby and cry my eyes out for your loss.

Big hugs!!!!

Sheri

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Sheri (39)
DS 12 on 4/28
DD 5 on 5/2
DD 3 (11/18)
Baby Girl Charity Rests in God's hands (5/15/03 @ 17 weeks)
Emergency D & E and Emergency Hysterectomy on 5/15/03
--------------

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JulesW

Jessica
I feel your pain and I will be praying for you to have peace.

__________________
Me-30 DH-37
2 M/C
One angel baby lost at 6 Mo.-Ethan 12/13/03
DD-Charley-Born 12/16/04
Pregnant with triplets! Due 10/10/06 Girl/Girl/Boy!

ellialex

Everytime I read your story, I am in tears. You, DH and your family will be in my thoughts and preyers.

__________________


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ttc since 1999
1 stillbirth 12/2004 at 30 weeks
Weight Loss
10/2005 size 14
10/2006 size 8
2/2007 size 6/8
Organic, whole foods, gut healing diet and excercise
No medications and Metformin resistant

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Teeg

((((((Jessica)))))))
Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that your heart is not so heavy this week, and that you may know how much inspiration you give to others through your strenght.

hugs
Teeg

__________________
Me Teeg:30yo Dh Mike: 29yo
dx nov
1 Angel baby Alexis -19 wks pg, Born still 28th Feb 03 (clomid 50mg cd2-7)
1 beautiful little girl -Hannah Alexis born 24th April 3.6kg(clomid 50mg cd2-7) Now a healthy 9 month old...but wait...met worked....OMG...+hpt edd 1st August 04

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2 boxers & 2 chinchilla persians

CITOLDUSO

Jessica,

You are in our prayers...the night I was told that our baby was gone at 10 weeks I read your web-site and cried my eyes out. You are such a strong person and I will pray for you, your husband and Ben!!!! Your tribute to your son Dallas is so beautiful, much love and hugs....

Lynn

__________________
Lynn
insulin to much to list
diagnosed 3-2001

Now A MOMMY!!!!
Lost Angel Number One June 2003 No heart 12 Weeks
Lost Angel Number Two June 2004 No Reason 6 Weeks
Our MIRACLE Born May 16, 2005.......
Gennavieve Cara

MaLee

I am sorry I missed this post before now. I hope you were able to make it though the day OK. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

__________________

Sarah (24) DH Mike (25)
1st M/C 08-02-02 CMP
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Now on Paxil 37.5, Avandia 8mg, and 1500mg XR
TTC again
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skiboo

(((Jessica))) I have read your story before and visited Dallas's web site when I first joined sc ... I went back for another visit in honour of your dear son's birthday. I am welled up with tears for you at this moment and wish I had magic words of comfort... I am so glad that you have Ben to comfort you and your dh. I will be keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers for the next few months...
Janie

__________________
Me: 40 DH: 40 Married 04/21/01
dx pcos 1998; have been on Metformin for 6 yrs (2000 mg/day)
Ectopic pg 08/02 ... HSG 09/02 -- all clear
Five failed clomid rounds as of 2/27/03
Laparoscopy 03/11/03; found multiple fibroids and endometriosis
3 rounds of Gonal-F injections with IUI's -- all a BUST!!
Myomectomy on July 8, 2003 to remove fibroids.
Adopted the Light of My Life on July 14th, 2004 from St. Petersburg, Russia