I found myself mad at my family last evening because they had a dinner and were laughing and joking having a great time. I was upset that they were having so much fun while I was still going through my m/c. I know that it's not fair for me to expect everyone else to be sad. I think they think that since I was early it shouldn't hurt as bad but it still does hurt because I know there was a beginning of a life there.
I'm not sure how to react to my husband either, I guess they just deal with things differently. He has always been the type of person to show very little emotion and I'm an emotional roller coaster so it's hard for me to understand why he doesn't seem more upset.
Also I was curious how some of you ladies dealt with work after m/c because I decided to take a couple days off. I feel tired and emotionaly drained. I'm having some bad cramps and heavy bleeding so I think it's fine to expect a few days off. Some people was wandering why I took time off because they said it should be just like a period, being so early. I don't think they realize that there is real pain both physically and emotionally. As far as my family and friends go ultimately I feel like I'm in this situation alone because I think that it's hard to understand it unless you've been through it. Thanks for listening.
__________________ slgttc
me(32) dh(34)
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Beta #2 21 dpo 2457
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Hi Slgttc,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It all sounds "normal" to me (when I say normal, I mean it's similar to what I've felt.)
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I found myself mad at my family last evening because they had a dinner and were laughing and joking having a great time. I was upset that they were having so much fun while I was still going through my m/c.
This sounds familiar; it seemed so unfair that other peoples' lives went on as normal when my world was crashing down around me.
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I think they think that since I was early it shouldn't hurt as bad but it still does hurt because I know there was a beginning of a life there.
It hurts no matter WHEN it happens! The moment the test turns positive, or you get the call from the doctor's office, you envision yourself giving birth, with your child, watching them grow, going to graduations and weddings...and then suddenly all your dreams are taken away. It hurts.
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I'm not sure how to react to my husband either, I guess they just deal with things differently.
They seem to. My DH always tried to appear "strong" because he was afraid that if he got upset, I'd feel worse. This may be what your DH is doing. If you encourage him to talk, will he do so?
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Also I was curious how some of you ladies dealt with work after m/c because I decided to take a couple days off. I feel tired and emotionaly drained. I'm having some bad cramps and heavy bleeding so I think it's fine to expect a few days off.
I took 3 days off when I found out about the first one, then the next week I went back for 3 days (but left early on the 3rd because the bleeding was getting really heavy and we only have 1 restroom for 20 ladies at my company) and then took 2 days off for my D&C. With loss # 2, at 4.5 weeks, I took 1 day off. Loss # 3 happened on a Sunday (also at 4.5 weeks) and I just went back to work on Monday, sadder, but looking for a distraction away from home at that point.
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As far as my family and friends go ultimately I feel like I'm in this situation alone because I think that it's hard to understand it unless you've been through it. Thanks for listening.
You are NOT alone (although I know sometimes it feels that way); we are all here to listen and answer questions any time. I hate that ANYONE has to be on this board. It's a "unique" club - we are all here NOT by choice, but we all support each other and listen.
Please post again here or PM me if you'd like to chat more...
Meghan
Thanks for the reply. I'm really glad I have this board to come to. You're right though I wish none of us had to go through this. I am starting to think of things I may try or do differently next time as far as like prog. supplements etc. The day I found out I was m/c didn't even want to hear the word baby or next time, so as always with each day we can grow stronger but never forgot our losses.
__________________ slgttc
me(32) dh(34)
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Beta #2 21 dpo 2457
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Just because your loss was early doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. You had a baby growing in you and along with that you had dreams of what was to come. That just doesn't go away. It's SO emotionally draining.
Forget about work. They don't need to know everything. Just tell them that you won't be in for a few days because you're not feeling well...end of story.
Sometimes men don't show their emotions because well let's face it they just weren't as connected with the baby as we are. My DH was VERY upset when the MC first happened. But slowly as months went by he thought of the future and not of what happened. Even today I think about my little baby all the time. I asked him if he thinks about the baby that we lost and he said not all the time. Once in a while he will but it's not like me. He has a posted board up where he tacks all his paperwork on. One day I had to look for something and I found the baby's US picture up. I know I didn't put it there. So I asked him and he said he put it up. It made me realize that he does care and think about our baby just not verbally like I do.
Slgttc,
I hope you don't find this "nosy", I see you have had 3 losses now...have you had RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) testing done? I've had it done now and it helped us get some answers and a treatment plan for future pregnancies. If you like, I have typed up my RPL experience and could email it to you. Please PM me with your email address and I'll send it to you.
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Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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((Hugs))
I wish this was easier! I'm so sorry about your losses. Sometimes with other people around us, we really have to demand the treatment that we need. If those people, family or coworkers, had lost babies, they would understand better what's going on with you... but fortunately for them, they haven't. You might have to tell everyone that you need to be able to talk about your babies or that you need to have a memorial service with the family or that you need to not discuss other pregnancies and babies or go to events where they will be... whatever you're feeling. Some folks don't have a clue.
And husbands definitely do things differently. They are not usually as attached as Mommy when the baby is so young. That really governs how much grief a person goes through. Since we carry them, we love our babies from Minute One. Dads don't feel them yet in all cases, though some do. Give him some time. Maybe he would like to do a baloon release or something else special to memorialize your three little ones.
Good luck, and stick with us... we're always here for you!
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I am so sorry for the lost of your little one. I can understand the feelings you have about your family. I called my mom the day I found out I was miscarrying and when I told her she didn't cry, scream or have much of a reaction at all. I was a bit shocked. I don't think she did it because she didn't care I think (or hope) it was because she didn't know how to react. Since then, when I talk to her I use the name we gave our baby, Max. Instead of saying m/c'd, I say "when I lost my child" or "since Max is gone". So that he has an identity. I lost him early also, at 6 wks and I feel just because it was an early loss dosen't mean that he was not a person. He was the person I had been waiting for-for 2 years. He deserves to have a name and an identity. The last time I talked to my mom. I talked a bit about Max and told her that I was designing a piece of jewelry to honor him and she said "You know your baby went to heaven don't you" I told her yes and that he is playing with all the babies of the ladies on my PCOS site and his relatives up there. I think she finally came around.
My hubby is the same way. He cried the day we found out we m/c'd and he lets me cry whenever I want. But, he hasn't shown as much emotion as I have. We experience everything during the pregnancy and they are kind of an observer. I think it's especially hard for the hubby when the loss of child is early because they don't see us change in shape or get to feel a kick from the baby. I'm sure that your hubby is trying to be strong for you.
As for your co-workers they need to keep their thoughts to themselves. I can't believe someone was so insensitive to say to you that its just a regular period isn't it. That makes me so upset! People don't understand unless they experience it for themselves and although I don't wish something like this on anyone I do wish people could have more compation for others. I think a couple days off work is absolutely fine. Please take care of yourself and if you need to vent, need support or anything else, just post.
God Bless
-Julie
__________________ To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic
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dealing with emotions 
People don't understand unless they experience it for themselves and although I don't wish something like this on anyone I do wish people could have more compation for others. I think a couple days off work is absolutely fine. Please take care of yourself and if you need to vent, need support or anything else, just post.
