dealing with ivf failure

sara444 · 08-17-2009, 08:21 PM

I just found out a few days ago that the IVF failed. I think that I am dealing with it reasonably well so far, considering my history of depression. I mean, I have been sobbing intermittently and have been kind of blue, but I sort of expected that. Can anyone who has been through this before give me some tips for getting through this? What did you do when you found out that it was unsuccessful?

Thanks!

NJgroomer · 08-17-2009, 08:42 PM

I am sorry! Never having IVF done yet, I can't say that I would know how to deal. So, all I can say is sorry ! Hopefully next time goes better

amkhappy · 08-17-2009, 10:22 PM

My thoughts are with you. I haven't done an IVF, but just wanted to pass on a hug. I know this must be a difficult time for you and sometimes its okay to grieve a little...just try to be positive and have faith...your time will come.

sarah02 · 08-17-2009, 10:31 PM

Oh I'm so sorry.
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I do not know what you're going through but I hope you are doing okay.

nurse_cyster · 08-17-2009, 11:17 PM

I have had a failed IVF, it's hard because so many ppl assure you that it is a "sure thing", hell i even thought it was it the bag! nobody knows the amount of time/energy/emotions that are put into a cycle like a fellow IVFer. After months of build-up, stimming and all the excitement of a perfect cycle and perfect embryos, there is not really anyway to prepare for failure. i began to think all the thoughts of the embryos being babies and how they died-very depressing stuff.
you just have to process the emotions, let yourself be disappointed, sad, depressed, and mad as hell! it took me about 2 months after each failed cycle to not feel so cynical and angry. I couldn't even stand the sight of pg women, I wanted to scream-i wanted my turn, really. Just let the feelings run their course, just know that it is not over forever, hopefully like me, you have a few frozen embryos left to try again.

kamanda333 · 08-18-2009, 02:23 AM

I recently had a failed FET cycle. AF came 6dpt. I think I was prepared for a BFN but not this. I'm totally stunned. Especially because the Dr. said that I had a 55% chance of a BFP. Each day I cry a little less. Today I was thinking that maybe time really does heal all wounds.

Hang in there. :-)

chitchat · 08-18-2009, 06:06 AM

I am soooo sorry for your cycle....I had a failed IVF cycle as well....it is difficult to cope with it...I remember I had all the hopes up...when the embryos were inside I felt everything...I felt pregnant...I felt so many symptoms...and even I used to walk like a pregnant women....reaching so close to something you are desperately waiting for and not getting it is very hard...

I know no words can heal at the moment...but with time you will be better especially when you will start looking for future options like FET or anything else with fresh hopes...for now I can say that though difficult to understand but there is a reason for embryos not sticking..like may be they are not very healthy or our body is somehow not prepared for a pregnancy at that time....so whatever happens is in some way good as well though it may seem like horrible....(i know easy said than done)

all the very best to you...and herez wishing for our BFPs....!!

sara444 · 08-18-2009, 07:32 PM

Thanks so much, everyone! For those of you who mentioned it, I don't have any frozen embryos. I will have to do another fresh cycle. Hopefully things will work out for all of us soon! I never expected that it would be such a painful (both emotionally and at times, physically) process.

seastar81 · 08-18-2009, 09:03 PM

i've never had IVF, but i just did have a failed IUI, and so I feel your grief in a small portion. im so sorry :
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enigma80 · 08-18-2009, 11:55 PM

hugs Sara!

pauliesgirl935 · 08-19-2009, 06:28 PM

sara,

i know how disappointing it can be. it makes me tear up just writing this because it's been less than 2 years since my first IVF cycle. i tried to prepare myself for disappointment, but i was just so sure that it would be successful & i was pregnant. and i was! but unfortunately i miscarried at about 4-5 weeks. i cried for days & days & days. seriously. i think i shut myself in the house & laid in bed & cried. there were girls pregnant at my office & i hated seeing them. i hated hearing them complain about how uncomfortable they were or about how they didn't even "want" the baby (not that they didn't want it, but they weren't planning on getting pregnant). i felt like i could punch them in the face everyday - it kinda feels weird for me to admit this!!

we took a break for a month before we tried the FET cycle (with the 3 remaining frosties). 1 didn't survive the thaw, and we transferred the other 2. i was ready for this to be our last try because i didn't feel like i could take it anymore....and both took!! we have our beautiful twins!

i know you said you didn't have any frozen, but if given the opportunity next time, DO IT!! i wish i had more in the freezer because i would love more children someday & the FET was so much more laid back. no bravelle, no trigger shots. just some lupron & estrace. it's easy for me to say now, but please don't give up. ((HUGS))

heidi1979 · 08-19-2009, 06:43 PM

Sara- I am so sorry to hear about your IVF failure.
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I have went through two failed IVF cycles and had no embyros make it to freeze either time. Take your time to grieve the situation. IVF is very hard to handle, let alone when it fails. ((HUGS)) You are in my thoughts and prayers.

My 1st failed in April 2008 and the second in November 2008. I still have a hard time being around pregnant people. I thought IVF was the "for sure" method, but nothing is perfect. I find that I pray alot for the strength to deal with everyday.

As for the reason for my failures, I was never really given an answer. Basically I was told that it just doesn't always work and that I "may" have poor embryo quality and that may be why I had none make it to freeze.

sazzifrazz · 08-21-2009, 04:18 PM

I know your pain. I had one successful IVF, followed by 4 failed. These were all fresh cycles. my last one, 2 weeks ago, we didn't even have any fertilze, so no transfer at all. That first day i heard the news I was sad but coping, then next day i was a mess. I was angry for about a week. now im back to sad but coping. I feel hopless at the moment. Im not burnt out yet but we only have one more chance at it and since we can't even get any embryos to fertilize its hard to feel hopeful.

CAROLINEGORDON · 08-23-2009, 10:12 AM

Hi Sara, I`ve had 3 failed IUI`s and 1 failed IVF so i know exactly how your feeling. It`s the worst feeling in the world and only somebody who`s been through it themselfs can understand it, so being consoled by somebody who has a child or has no fertility probs seems to make things even worse.

My advice is to plan something nice to look forward to like a holiday or something and take a complete break from TTC and just have some quailty time with your DH. It`s so easy to let fertility treatments come into your life and stop enjoying your time together. Give it time and i promise you will feel better.

I had my failed IVF in Nov last year and had 10 months off. I`m currently doing my second IVF and i can tell you it`s not half as bad as the first one. I`m not sure why really!

Remember to be positive, the fact is that IVF is a journey and it`s a fact that over the course of three IVF`s most women have a 75% chance of having a baby which i think are pretty good odds.

I`m sure it will happen for us both! Come on BFP`s. xxx