Dealing with PCOS on your own...

lov4bl3 · 04-15-2009, 07:52 PM

Knowing (alone) that you have PCOS is devastating. Not wanting to tell anyone, and dealing with it on your own is harder... The only person that knows about my PCOS (a cousin) doesnt really know how I feel. I know women with PCOS can have children, but I have tried and no doctor have been able to help. Am afraid if I go to a specialist, my job will find out about it and I dont want people feeling sorry for me. Every female in my family seems to be having a baby this year, and me... I am left behind with this secret. Whenever someone comes over to see me or I visit a family member and another brings their kids around, or cousin (who is pregnant) comes around, I get depressed all over again. I just feel like crying and dont want to talk to no one. I dont know how to act whenever my mom asks me if I will ever plan on having kids, or act around other pregnant women. I try to separate myself and dont really want anyone to know... Anyone else going through this? Any advice on how to be able to act around other pregnant females without feeling embarrased, let alone sad that you wish you were in their shoes???

februarystar · 04-15-2009, 09:21 PM

Hardly anyone knows I have PCOS. Obviously my partner, my mum and a few friends but it never comes up in day-to-day conversation.
I think if people know you are seeking help and treatment then they aren't going to feel sorry for you, they are going to be proud of you for taking action and overcoming your hurdles. I've had friends who have battled cancer and lost limbs and none of them have let me feel sorry for them, I've felt nothing but pride watching them tackle their hurdles and overcome them.

Ihavfaith · 04-15-2009, 11:45 PM

I actually havent told alot of people either. Just a my close family and a few friends. I haven't even mentioned to one of my very best friends. My main thing is that I don't want people to feel sorry for me. We always have people asking when are we going to have kids and it does get very annoying but actually I havent tried any meds I am just trying to get myself healthy and see what happens from there. I think you should see a specialist..How is it that your job will find out?

lov4bl3 · 04-15-2009, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ihavfaith

I actually havent told alot of people either. Just a my close family and a few friends. I haven't even mentioned to one of my very best friends. My main thing is that I don't want people to feel sorry for me. We always have people asking when are we going to have kids and it does get very annoying but actually I havent tried any meds I am just trying to get myself healthy and see what happens from there. I think you should see a specialist..How is it that your job will find out?

I dont know if in my job, when the healthcare bill comes in for the company to pay, if they see what they are paying for is it just a simple bill? I am afraid they might find out...

And I want to battle this on my own because I know they are going to start asking questions and just being in my business and I think that battling this on my own is best... Am I wrong for this?

JoyannaWants2BaMommy · 04-16-2009, 01:20 AM

do you have insurance with a company through your job? or is it set up some other way? no one would be able to see medical information. the people at the ins company would know when they are processing your claims but they cant tell anyone its against the law. your job shouldn't be seeing anything from drs. im no sure if there is another way people have insurance, but usually if you have it through your job it is through a seperate company. like if you work for a store, they buy insurance from blue cross blue shield (or whatever) and offer it to you at a deal cause they get a group rate vs you bying ins on your own.

anyway, it's your business who you tell but i would never let that stop me from getting medical treatment. the drs office staff and ins people by law can't talk to anyone about your medical history without your permision and sometimes not even then. i tell anyone and everyone, i don't care what anyone thinks. my clients know, men and women. my family knows, friends know, my cousin has it and she doesn't understand all of it cause hers isn't as bad as mine. i have it mentioned on my myspace page. it's a big part of my life and people tend to not understand why im always dieting and exercising and taking pills and going to the dr. when i tell them, they understand and then when they see me doin my weird little things they don't have to ask or wonder why.
but its allup to you, you can't be wronge either way, it is your business, your not really alone cause you've got us!

lov4bl3 · 04-16-2009, 10:46 AM

I do get the medical Ins through my workplace. I know they get a bill every month but I am not sure if that would say what doctor visits, etc each employee went to and I hope that it doesnt.

Like I had mentioned b4, I just dont want people feeling sorry for me, thats why I keep it a secret. And I know many people applaud the fact that you work hard to get better, but my family is more of the criticizing type. They will start blaming my poor eating judgement, my lack of self respect, etc. and it would just add on to the weight on my shoulders. They wont understand and would all blame me, for that reason, its just me against PCOS. Not even my bf knows about it, instead he blames himself for not being able to have kids and I have told him that its not him and I know it for a fact and that calmed him down a little on the subject.

Well, I am glad I have this place and you girls in it!.!.! It puts a smile on my face...

JoyannaWants2BaMommy · 04-16-2009, 08:54 PM

yeah my family is the criticising type too, i don't really have much to do with them though. as little as possible. you know everyone has thier diet tips and such, they seem to know so much more about us than we do. don't get me wrong, i have my haters too. but when they hate i just tell em to kiss it! i wish someone felt sorry for me! instead of like the classic, so your sick because your fat? oh man! if it was only that easy!

mstewart124 · 04-16-2009, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lov4bl3

Knowing (alone) that you have PCOS is devastating. Not wanting to tell anyone, and dealing with it on your own is harder... The only person that knows about my PCOS (a cousin) doesnt really know how I feel. I know women with PCOS can have children, but I have tried and no doctor have been able to help. Am afraid if I go to a specialist, my job will find out about it and I dont want people feeling sorry for me. Every female in my family seems to be having a baby this year, and me... I am left behind with this secret. Whenever someone comes over to see me or I visit a family member and another brings their kids around, or cousin (who is pregnant) comes around, I get depressed all over again. I just feel like crying and dont want to talk to no one. I dont know how to act whenever my mom asks me if I will ever plan on having kids, or act around other pregnant women. I try to separate myself and dont really want anyone to know... Anyone else going through this? Any advice on how to be able to act around other pregnant females without feeling embarrased, let alone sad that you wish you were in their shoes???

You are not alone. I had a HUGE problem with the fact I thought I'd never have kids after I found out and had tried concieving for many years before that. My sister has a three year old and she called me and told me she was pregnant I was so happy for her, but yet I was so angry at the same time. It was really hard like you say to be around her (other pregnant people) knowing they had what I wanted so bad. The day she told everyone else at her college graduation party I knew when it was comming and I walked outside and just cried and avoided everyone else the rest of the night. But you know after she had the baby and I got to be with my niece I'm so greatful. I keep up hope because of her and if it never happens for me then I've got her (and an extra bonus...no poo diaper, whining...I'm the best Aunt Manissa). It's tough, but keep your head held high and your spirits bright. I completly believe in things happen for a reason and there's gotta be sliver lining in the end. I stumbled upon this website the other day at work and I think it's great. Heck I'd given up hope and settled on the fact that kids just weren't in the books for me, but then found that through the new preciption program I have through my place of work that they offer a "special" Fertility Managment Plan where they can offer certain fertility drugs at a lower price since insurance companies dont cover fertility anything. So just that shred of information has given me hope and I saw many things posted on this website of older women (i know 28 almost 29 isn't that old, but older than I'd like to having kids, and husband says he's half dead just because he'll be 33) being able to concieve dispite having PSCO becuase basically we have our eggs like stored up or something...YIPPE! So again keep your head up and cherish your friends having babies and your family members having babies because life is something we all should cherish.

lov4bl3 · 04-17-2009, 02:35 PM

See, when my cousin (or anyone) come around with their kids, I play with them and I love being around them, its watching them go home and knowing that they are not mine that bothers me. Just the thought that I am having trouble but yet, she is on her third, it just bothers me inside. I feel useless, like I cant explain it but I wish I can take her 14 month old with me home. When I carry him I kiss him, I play with his hair, I watch him and I love doing it, but I also wish that when I go home, he comes with lol its sounds so bad... I know! But I cant control how I feel and know that I am not capable of committing a crime of kidnapping and know that I am not crazy, but the feeling of wanting to have what she has just tears me apart and when I go see her, I dont want to carry him. I just want to leave almost immediately as we got there...

Why do I also torment myself with reading about pregnancy online. I think I know everything about pregnancy that I need to know, but im not pregnant. Everyone keeps telling me what I great mother I will be and they keep making me feel even worse... What can I do to make myself feel better? Can anyone give me an advice on how to control/handle these situations?

tryinghard! · 05-08-2009, 02:33 PM

Im so glad I found your post - it sounds like exactly how I'm feeling. The only one who knows I have PCOS is my hubby, I ave not told my friends or family. I think deep down Im a little embarressed although I know its nothing to be ashamed of and I feel like they will always be asking me how things are going every five mins.

I especially avoid telling people at work coz Im so scared it will affect my job. I work in sales and I have a big patch at the moment, Im worried if they know I am actively TTC they will switch me with someone else on a smaller patch and it will affect my performance, Im also worried they will think I wont ever go back to work (which i will have to for financial reasons)

However, I recently did a psychological test as part of a training course at work and it showed up that I was really stressed and its affecting my work so ive decided its time to tell everyone whats going on - im guessing if they understand why im feeling so bad it might buy me some flexibility as its getting to the stage now where im having pretty regular hospital visits and its really hard to fit this around work.

Hope i dont chicken out!!!

tryinghard! · 05-08-2009, 02:36 PM

Oh - PS i know how you feel about the pregnant women issue, Of my 12 female friends and work colleagues 9 are expecting or have a baby under 6 months old - when i found out each time i just cried - im so happy for them but also sad for me and my hubby, what if we can never have what we want so much? I know i should stay positive but as the months keep rolling by with nothing happening I feel myself getting lower and lower

willohlady · 05-12-2009, 04:57 PM

This stinks, there is no other way to describe it. Being around people who are pregnant, be them family or friends, only brings up how inadequate you feel. When I was engaged I was diagnosed. I went home and had the "you may never have children with me and I'll understand if you want to break up" talk with him. That was the hardest thing I had ever done, but just by doing it I felt like I had someone to share my burden with, thus making it lighter.

My sister-in-law annouced that she was pregnant one month after we were married. Then his family (which is huge and rather clannish) starts in on me and my husband, for the first year I told him to keep it between us, it wasn't any of their buisness. So we came up with other excuses: we wanted to get out of debt, own our own house, be married at least five years, etc. Then his cousins all got pregnant and most of his married friends (he's 5 years older than me so it wasn't that suprising) as well. Then four women in my department got preganant and I couldn't hide it any more. I found two women in my office who have PCOS who I didn't know about. Suddenly it was easier, when the pregnancy annoucements came I could go to them and they'd cry with me. And when one of them got preganant for the first time I was genuinely happy for someone because I knew they understood what that ment for me.

Keeping secrets is hard, the truth eventually turns out. If there is someone in your life who you think could understand I urge you to talk to them. My family is also critical and I don't talk to them about it other than to tell them I have lots of Doctors appointments (which is about all the care to know). I know it sucks and finding this board will offer lots of support *hugs*

frustratedwife · 05-19-2009, 05:43 AM

I'm with you on that, I haven't told many about PCOS either, my mom, dad, husband, and one or two really close friends know just very little details about it. I don't like to announce what's going on with me... I use words like 'medical issues' and etc to get around strange questions about like, 'why are you on a diet?' though I have PCOS I'm at a fairly healthy weight, but still deal with a lot of the symptoms. My husband is always being asked at work, 'when are you guys going to have kids?' I've always said a 5 year plan until I decide it's done, but honestly I have feared that, that five year plan will never come to an end, because of inability to have children of my own. However I do hold out hope that there will be some in the near future. However I understand how challenging it can be to keep on hearing friends and relatives getting pregnant. It seems like everyone around me too is getting pregnant. And I mean everyone! It's almost like getting a slap in the face from each and every woman that gets pregnant... however they don't even know that they are doing that.
It's hard and scary... however I have begun the Nutrilite system, which is supposed to be able to reverse the symptoms of PCOS, and there is a high number of women who do get pregnant while on it. http://pcos.insulitelabs.com/Insulite-PCOS-System.php ... something you might like checking into? My doctor is not supportive of finding treatment methods at all, so what I have found has been purely on my own research and time. Once you are able to get things better under control you will begin to feel better about yourself.

But yeah keeping it all to yourself is hard, I am simply a person that just doesn't share much about my most intimate self with very many people, therefore I don't find it too difficult keeping it all to myself... but that is me and my personality. My husband is the type that seems like he has to tell someone! If he's got something going on... (which seems backwards)The emotions especially can be hard to deal with, but you've got us in here to be able to help and support you.

frustratedwife · 05-19-2009, 05:47 AM

I'm with you on that, I haven't told many about PCOS either, my mom, dad, husband, and one or two really close friends know just very little details about it. I don't like to announce what's going on with me... I use words like 'medical issues' and etc to get around strange questions about like, 'why are you on a diet?' though I have PCOS I'm at a fairly healthy weight, but still deal with a lot of the symptoms. My husband is always being asked at work, 'when are you guys going to have kids?' I've always said a 5 year plan until I decide it's done, but honestly I have feared that, that five year plan will never come to an end, because of inability to have children of my own. However I do hold out hope that there will be some in the near future. However I understand how challenging it can be to keep on hearing friends and relatives getting pregnant. It seems like everyone around me too is getting pregnant. And I mean everyone! It's almost like getting a slap in the face from each and every woman that gets pregnant... however they don't even know that they are doing that.
It's hard and scary... however I have begun the Nutrilite system, which is supposed to be able to reverse the symptoms of PCOS, and there is a high number of women who do get pregnant while on it. http://pcos.insulitelabs.com/Insulite-PCOS-System.php ... something you might like checking into? My doctor is not supportive of finding treatment methods at all, so what I have found has been purely on my own research and time. Once you are able to get things better under control you will begin to feel better about yourself.

But yeah keeping it all to yourself is hard, I am simply a person that just doesn't share much about my most intimate self with very many people, therefore I don't find it too difficult keeping it all to myself... but that is me and my personality. My husband is the type that seems like he has to tell someone! If he's got something going on... (which seems backwards)The emotions especially can be hard to deal with, but you've got us in here to be able to help and support you.