I am having a hard time seeing my DH so pained. His brother just died this morning of Cancer. It was not sudden but really and truely we thought that he would have had 4 to 6 months from being declared terminal. instead he had only 6 weeks. We will miss him and his insight. I know that it was a good thing that he did not suffer longer but still I see that it was hard on DH to lose another Brother. Although he was one of 5 boys the two brothers he lost were the ones he was closest to. It breaks my heart to see him suffering so.
Also, he is not a really emotional guy so I feel so tortured for him when I see him come home and start hammering immediately. I can do nothing but let him tire himself out. I will hold him when he had done that.
D**nit! why is there not a cure for cancer yet?
__________________
Sasha - 35
DH Ed - 43
DS Mad Max - 1/09
Married - 4/1996
Diagnosed - 6/2001
Gluc - 9/2003
Repeat three times per day "I am a sweet and delicate flower"
"Everything happens for a reason but we know not the reason - It's GOD's will!"
"A loving and open heart conquers all"
"Accept what comes to you until you get what you want"
:-D
Sympathies to you and your DH - what an awful loss. I am a Hospice Nurse (in CT as a matter of fact) and I have seen countless families process terminal diagnoses and the loss of loved ones. Men grieve in their own unique way - a way totally different from that of women. Our instinct is to share the burden, tell our close friends and allow them to comfort us, men instinctively keep it inside to come to grips with it in a more private way. It sounds like you are doing the absolute right thing in letting him "hammer" or vent in nonspecific ways, not forcing him to discuss his feelings until he is ready.
Some of your frustration may be coming from you feeling that you can't share your grief with him because he is not able to deal with it outwardly. Do let yourself grieve the way you need to as well as supporting him, because you've suffered a loss too - tell your friends and family and let them help. The fastest way through this time of sorrow and readjustment is to dive into the middle and feel it for what it is. The awfulness will eventually fade.
We grieve in the way that we love, and where there is much love, there is much pain in loss - your grief is a badge of honor to the love you had for your BIL and something to be proud of and cherish as well.
Wishing you much peace
Jen
__________________ "My inner child is skinny"
36, married to DH Chris (also 36) for 12 years!
Dx IR and atypical PCOS 5/1/01
5 miscarriages
Precious 9 yr old son Matthew
Met increased to 1000 mg 2x/day on 11/26/03
Failed IUI 10/4/03
Failed IUI 10/31/03
Failed IUI 11/26/03
Canceled IVF cycle 11/06 - low Estradiol
IVF try # 2 - transferred 2 embryos 10/19/07
I am still new to this site and hardly ever had time to post because of my crazy work schedule. (That's beside the point) I just wanted to let you and your DH know I am terribly sorry for your loss. I can totally relate, I had a close family member die of cancer also. Keep chins up and spirits high, just remember the good times. It doesn't seem like great advised but it helped me.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband during this time of loss. I cannot imagine the pain he must be going through. You are a good wife to stand by him and allow him to grieve in the way he knows how- and to be there for you when he eventually turns to you for the support he needs.
I pray that your family can find peace and comfort in the support of each other.
*Aimee*
__________________
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me: 30
DH: 31
DD: *Eleanor Alexandra* 13 months (born 13 weeks early on January 31, 2004@ 2lbs 2.6oz)
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank you ladies for your support. Ed and I are trying to deal with it together and he does know that it gets easier to remember all the good things after time.
__________________
Sasha - 35
DH Ed - 43
DS Mad Max - 1/09
Married - 4/1996
Diagnosed - 6/2001
Gluc - 9/2003
Repeat three times per day "I am a sweet and delicate flower"
"Everything happens for a reason but we know not the reason - It's GOD's will!"
"A loving and open heart conquers all"
"Accept what comes to you until you get what you want"
:-D
Big hugs to you and your family during this horrible time. My Mum died of cancer last July. Similar to your story, she was diagnosed and they told her she would have a couple of months. She died less than 2 weeks later. CANCER SUCKS!!! Just hold on to each other, cry, laugh and comfort. Remember that each and everyday he is watching you and that the ones left behind are the ones who are suffering. He is healthy now and gloriously whole!
Doesn't it just piss you off when ppl say "At least he didn't suffer?" What a crock of crap! Had to add that!
Please take care.
Please accept my condolences on your loss. Having lost a niece to cancer, I understand how devastating it is. I know it hurts, and will for awhile. Please allow some good memories to join the pain. Somehow, it does seem to comfort. Hugs, Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
*****************************
Hi,
I know a month has passed...How are things going at home?
Has your DH had any relief yet or is he able to talk about it openly? My heart is aching with you.
Patty
__________________ Endometriosis (Infertility Cause)
Andnomyosis (Infertility/Miscarry Cause)
Fibroid tummores(One reason for Non stop AF)
Tubal ligation syndrome(Sister of PCOS)
Check this link out for more information!!
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My brother passed away in September and I still cry every single day. Its great that you are there for your husband, especially when he needs to talk or a shoulder to cry on. I couldn't imagine going through the loss of my brother without that support.
I am so sorry. I can totally sympathize. My dad died from cancer in September. We knew he probably wouldnt get better, but I had always thought he would. He went downhill really fast. He was only 56 and way to young to die. I hope your husband can find the comfort he needs. It doesnt matter if your family member died from cancer or unexpectedly...it still hurts so bad. I remember when my dad died I had a couple people say "Well, he had cancer anyways". Some people are so uncaring. I think in some ways that made it worse because you see the suffering they go through and there isnt a damn thing you can do to help them.
I agree...its hard to understand with the medical technology we have we why cant find a cure. We have come a long way, but we have a long way to go.
Take Care,
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Thank you ladies. Your support has been invaluable. Ed is doing well, we have started talking frequently about his brother and have found that creating a photo library of Rey, his brother, from birth has been of large aid in helping him. I know he will always miss him but now he can remember the good and joy Rey brought to his life without as much pain.
By the way, I have a theory that the reason we have not found a cure is that it is not financially advantageous to fund or develop a cure since thousands of dollars are spent on treatments that would not be spent if there were a cure. In short there is no motivation for companies to fund a cure cause they could not keep profiting from that.
__________________
Sasha - 35
DH Ed - 43
DS Mad Max - 1/09
Married - 4/1996
Diagnosed - 6/2001
Gluc - 9/2003
Repeat three times per day "I am a sweet and delicate flower"
"Everything happens for a reason but we know not the reason - It's GOD's will!"
"A loving and open heart conquers all"
"Accept what comes to you until you get what you want"
:-D
Death in the family 
Sorry for the loss 
