Deep Depression

Acajou73 · 08-15-2006, 10:21 AM

I feel so lost and alone. In the past 2 years, i've lost 3 pregnancies, my father died, my grandmother died, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, my sister was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, my husband was unfaithful and my favorite aunt died. My father's death this April has been a great deal more than I could handle. I've been extremely depressed lately. I feel a lot of guilt over his death. Last night my husband told me that he is sick of me being depressed and constantly trying to talk to him about my problems. He said that all i'm doing is feeling sorry for myself. He says that I should be over all of this now and i'm no fun to be around. He said that he takes extra work in order to be away from me. I blame myself for my father's death because when my mother was diagnosed with throat cancer, though she never smoked (my father is the one who smoked all of his life), I was very angry at him. I blamed him for her cancer. It didn't even cross my mind to tell him to get tested. If I had he might have gone into remission. My husband knows this. He says that all I do is whine and complain. He said normal people would be thrilled they can get pregnant and not whining over a miscarriage. He thinks that I should be happy that my father is in a better place. He says that i'm a pathetic and depressing person to be around. I am having such a hard time functioning. I feel very alone. I just need some advice as to how I can get myself out of this ditch and move on. It is just getting so hard.

ravenmisfit · 08-15-2006, 12:32 PM

You are not alone. I would recomend counseling both for yourself and for your husband. If he won't go with you then go on your own. As hard as it is try not to beat yourself up over your fathers death. If you ever need to talk or vent about something you can PM me. Talking about things is a way of copeing and you shouldn't feel or be told your pathetic for wanting/needing to do so. My bf isn't one for talking about our/my problems either and I often feel alone too. Good luck and know that you are not alone in your feelings and you will overcome.

HopefulCyster · 08-15-2006, 03:31 PM

Wow, I am so sorry hun!!! *****HUGS*****

I agree with Michelle, counseling would be a good thing - EVEN if he doesn't want to go with you. You need to take care of YOU, and its not fair for your husband to tell you, or expect you to get over all of this trauma! Not to mention make you feel so horrible about it. You have experienced more loss and mental anguish then anyone should ever have to, in such a very short time!!!

YOU have every right on this earth to grieve, mourn, dwell and be sad! Don't ever, ever feel guilty that your feeling these things, or that its taking a while, you ARE normal. Anyone in your situation would be the same way. I am so sorry your going through all of this, I really wish your husband was more supportive and sensitive to you.

God Bless you sweetie, your family too! ***HUGS***

Crownline266 · 08-15-2006, 03:57 PM

I agree with the others. I think counseling would help a lot and maybe take some of the stress out of the house since you can talk about all your problems to a third party. You've had a lot to deal with lately and you shouldn't put the blame on yourself for your father's death. I think talking to family (i.e. your husband) about your problems is common and natural and it sounds like he isn't very understanding.

Do they give you any ideas why you've had three miscarriages? Any testing? Just curious.

Good luck and I'll be thinking of you!

P.S. I'm in O'Fallon, MO! So, hi, neighbor!!

vancouverNicole · 08-15-2006, 04:41 PM

I agree aswell, anyone who has been through all that you've been through would benifit from couselling.. As for your husband, i won't say too much as he sounds like he's being an A-hole, and frankly you need time to focus on you right now and don't need any added drama from him.

VivC · 08-15-2006, 09:25 PM

Oh, my! I thought I cornered the market on @sshole hubbies! I second the suggestion for counseling - for yourself, and for hubby (if he'll go). You'll never get over all of your losses, but therapy can make it easier to cope. I wish I hadn't waited so long. (And counseling helped hubby see the error of his ways, too).

I hope you feel a little better everyday.

Viv

AngelMama0914 · 08-15-2006, 10:33 PM

Acajou73-

I just read your post and had to leave a reply. In a way I feel your pain. I agree with them all when they say you both need someone to talk to about this. I also lost my father and wasnt speaking to him when he pasted. Three years almost to the day i lost him, i lost my last pregnancy, my son. Not only that me and my mother can never see eye to eye, I have a brother who didnt speak a word to me until my father passed. And now im dealing with the fact that my grandmother is also getting to that point and this women raised me!! She was there when my mother never was. Its a lot to handle on you alone. My ex also felt similar to your husband about our child that we lost. It actually took us breaking up, him finding someone new, and then getting her pregnant for him to realize....wait...this has happened before...He emailed me not to long ago to tell me how sorry he was for acting the way he did, which might be a door closed for him. Men take things differently. But you are NOT alone, we are all here! We all will support you in anyway!! I know I would, I know how it feels to hurt this bad!

My thoughts are with you!

Acajou73 · 08-16-2006, 02:55 PM

Thank you all for answering and your kind words. I did suggest counseling to him. It did little good. He said that we don't need it. He said I just need to stop acting like a 5 year old and grow up. What I don't understand is, when his cousin lost her pregnancy, he couldn't have been more supportive and caring. But, with me, he acts disgusted. He says that he thinks that I just want people to feel sorry for me. He says that i'm a drama queen. I think though that I definitely need counseling.

Crowline266: I have antiphospholipid syndrome. I'll have to be on heparin and baby aspirin the next time I get pregnant. I had the testing done after my 3rd miscarriage. Everything else was normal except for my testosterone levels.

HopefulCyster · 08-16-2006, 04:02 PM

I'm sorry sweetie, but it sounds like HE NEEDS TO GROW UP!!!!! You are doing nothing wrong with grieving. We know your not looking for pity and attention, as neither are we. Losing your baby/s is so hard to deal with, and we all need a place we can go to vent and get help.

Its his own stupidity and cruelness that he won't give you the support and compassion that you need right now! That just makes me so angry, that he can be so horribly cruel! Not only have you lost your 3 precious babies, but you have lost close loved ones, and have to watch others suffer through illness... not to mention his unfaithfulness!!!

How cruel can he be.... I am so sorry hun. WE ARE Here for you!!!! Love, Hugs & Prayers!!!

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 08-16-2006, 04:37 PM

First I'd like to offer (((((A BIG HUG))))) You've been through so much in a realatively short period of time, and that needs to be aknowledged. I personally would like to validate your feelings, they are very real and you ae completely entitled to them,. You have earned the right to feel exactly the way you do. I too have been on a rollercoaster ride for the past two years, check out my signature below my post. I couldn't even fit everything into it. One month after losing my first baby, I was in a car accident, the following month I was injured at work. I rushed to come back to work because I was afraid of losing my job after being out for weeks after delivering a second trimester baby, coming back to work for three days and being in the accident and missing another few weeks ( I came back to work in lots of pain). The day I got back I was told by a superior to do something that ended getting me into lots of trouble, I was almost evicted from my apt. due to a clerical error later that same week ( it was my neighbor in the next apt building who wasn't paying, not me) the following week my 19 year old cat died suddenly. All of this happened between June 8th and August 17th. But, it was the start of the worst time of my life. I went on to lose three more babies. I felt just the way you described your feelings. Everyone around me tried to tell me to get over it. Two weeks after the first loss my DH was telling me that I needed help. Basically, he was trying to say that I should be over this by now. My feelings were so hurt, but, I agreed to seek professional help. Thank God for this therapist. She validated my feelings, and she politely told my DH that this was not something that I would get over in two weeks or two months or even in twenty years. She got him straight quick, fast and in a hurry! After that, we went to a support groups that was a tremendous help to us. These people truly validated what I was feeling. DH had really turned a corner by then, he became my biggest supporter. He also began to talk about his feelings a lot.

I didn't mean to write a book here, but, I wanted you to know that you're NOT alone in your pain. I totally agree with the other posters, please seek some help with or without your DH. Please know that we are all here for you. PM me anytime you need to. I'll be glad to help you in any way I can.

HOLLAND · 08-16-2006, 04:44 PM

I'm so sorry you have gone through so much!!!