Deep In The Pit (child mentioned)

nelb68 · 02-15-2003, 06:13 AM

I'm new here and have been deep in the pit for a while. My husband lost his job over 1.5 years ago and is working nights in a much lower paying job so he can interview during the day. I work from home and feel a lot of pressure to keep pushing myself so our bills get paid along with the responsibility of taking care of our young son. Most days I am sleep deprived as my anxiety attacks are really bad late at night and when I take my RX for Clonopin, I'm hard to get up out of bed and be alert during the day. I know it's bad when I greet my UPS pickup driver in my bathrobe at almost 1 p.m.!

I take 200 mg of Zoloft daily but still feel edgy. I know stress can play such a big role in my mood swings but on top of that I've had people making crass remarks about me too and that just doesn't help. Yes, I've become more of a hermit but in my mind if I don't want to be around people all that much and I'm struggling just to do the basic day to day stuff, why push myself more to please people ya know?

I have been binge eating tons of refined sugar and bread products lately and the sick irony is I'm on weight loss supplements that are supposed to help with the cravings. I had gone on a cleanse for 10 days where I gave up my binge foods and the moment I started eating the triggers again I totally blew it! Ladies, I'm talking a 4 pack of cranberry orange muffins and a 1/2 gallon of ice cream on top of a bag of Oreo cookies in less than 2 days time.

My husband just doesn't understand my struggle and although he's supportive of me trying to lose my weight, he's Type II diabetic and takes tons of insulin, is overweight himself, and doesn't seem to think of the long term effects of his illness. I know if I don't stop my eating patterns I'll also become Type II diabetic.

Seems like lately my faith in God has truly weakened as I stay bitter and frustrated. I want so much to control this blasted PCOS with rapid weight gain, finances, how people treat me, etc. and I can't! Grrrr! I keep praying for the best and know I'm not alone in this.

I hope to make some good friends here who can relate to my madness. I had a friend from Florida who also has PCOS I've talked to online for over 5 years come visit me and she was blown away by how high strung I get especially when I comment I need to eat. It was kinda funny to have her tell others "She really needs to eat when she tells us that or she'll keep wigging out!" My friend is hypoglycemic so she can understand those icky mood swings.

I know "brighter" days are ahead but I'll keep praying for you gals if you'll pray for me.

The resident whining wigged out sufferer
missing menses since 1986 (age 17) but no official diagnosis with PCOS until 1999

santa'sbaby · 02-15-2003, 10:49 AM

Welcome to Soul Cysters!!!

Wow you are under alot of pressure!!

I understand about the employment part as I lost my job right after Christmas and then two weeks later my DF lost his job as well. NOT GOOD!!! So we are struggling to regain employment as we are suppose to be getting married this year and if we don't find employment soon, my dream wedding will be cancelled.

Plus we are finding it hard to keep up as well, bills are backing up etc.

As for your situation, I am wondering if it is not time for you to ask your doctor about chaging your meds? What I hear when I read your post is that the meds are not doing what they are suppose to do. Most of us when we go on meds have to change them a few times before we find ones that work. Maybe it's time to spell it out to your doctor tell him about your eating cycles, your anxiety, your fears for your future etc.

You are not alone here, there are many of us that are in the same boat with this battle. Since I started taking Effexor (which is used to treat anxiety and depression) I can begin to see the bright spots in the day and I can say that my anxiety is under control. I am just taking it one day at a time.

You are in my thoughts and my prayers! Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We are all pulling for you!

April

Lendi · 02-15-2003, 06:14 PM

I do not think you meds are working, either. And, if the Klonopin keeps you that drugged, it's not for you. I had read, on another board where a lot of people use Klonopin, that contrary to what you might think, small doses during the day will give you energy. Like 1/4 2 times a day and the normal at night. You would need to visit with your physician, though. It isn't a drug to just mess around with. There is probably something better for you, and there is no need for you to suffer needlessly. My thoughts and prayers are with you.