southie

This may seem a bit strange but here seems that best place to express what I am feeling.
To cut a long story short I finally fell pregnant last year after many years of trying and had my two gorgeous boys in October.
What I had hidden from many people however was that I actually concieved triplets but lost one at around 7-8 wks.
I did not let myself think about it too much at tyhe time and told myself that I should concentrate on the 2 babies I had. All was going fine and I had no real time to think in the first few months after the babies were born.
Now that life has settled down a little I suddenly find myself constantly asking the question what would that baby have been like. I also start crying when I think about it.
Does this sound crazy so long down the line? I feel completely selfish having these feelings now.

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Me(35), DH(44), Mom to 2 boys & an angel (vanishing triplet at 8wks)
Diagnosed PCOS/insulin resistance 09/2003


Currently trying to shift the bulge
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skyler

i dont really have anything to say other then (((hugs))), and maybe till now you just did not have time to greve.

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Laura 24 - DH (chris) 26
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BFP 9/26/04 - m/c 10/3/04
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BFP 10/1/05
10/03/2005 - 183 10/07/2005 - 1,323
Caleb - 6-10-2006
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GabrielsMom

southie, I'm so sorry about your loss. You're NOT selfish. You needed to stay positive for your two living babies so that you could give them what they needed - your love and complete attention. Allow yourself to grieve now. Unfortunately, it's just something that we all have to work through

BTW, I think your boys are REALLY cute...

*hugs*

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Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
Gabriel born 19w5d 11/15/04 due to IC.

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*DannysMom*

No, I don't think you are being selfish. Every life is so equally important. That baby was conceived and loved from the moment you learned he/she was growing inside of you. I think it is only natural that after the trauma of a difficult pregnancy, and the birth of your twins that you now have the emotional strength to truly let yourself experience the profound sadness over the loss of your third. Our bodies and our minds have such amazing capacities for physical and emotional pain. We can try to submerge these feelings and invest ourselves in other things to try and forget... but ultimately the grief will work it's way out. I think it is healthy that you are having feelings for this baby and are dealing with your emotions. If your sadness is too much to bare alone I do think it would be healthy to speak to a counselor to work through the grief. It can all be so overwhelming.. having someone to talk to can help you work through your heartache.

Your life must be so incredibly busy with two little ones to look after... but I will leave you with this thought... Some time ago a wise cyster noted all my losses and pm'd me. She offered a beautiful suggestion to me that I intend to carry out now that i am in my new home and Spring is here. She suggested that I create a garden in memory of my children lost. She suggested that I select the most beautiful, most fragrant florals... that would make me smile and fill my heart with joy each time I looked out my window. She explained that she too had experienced losses and never wanted to forget the way each child had touched her life. For her- it helped to have something tangible... a garden of remembrance. I know this will help me work through my pain. You may want to do this or something else that will help you work through yours. This will be my private way of honoring my children.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are so strong to have worked so hard to have your babies and to experience this loss as well. Take the time to heal.
It is definitely okay to cry. If you ever wish to talk... feel free to pm me.

Hugs,
Karen

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Karen (36) DH(37) TTC for 7yrs
Our Sweet Angels: 7/11/02 8w4d Our Angel (low progesterone) 12/26/02 16w6d Liam & Eileen (PROM/IC) 9/2/03 15w1d Aidan (PROM/IC) 2/13/04 Ectopic pregnancy/ loss of left fallopian tube
8/1/05 2nd IVF attempt a success!!!
Subchorionic Hemmorhage, IC, Gestational Diabetes, Pre-eclampsia, Chloestasis
Our Miracle Baby arrived 2/21/06

kwannabee

After i lost my girls the social worker at the hospital came in and chatted and left me with lots to read...cycles of grief and stuff...one thing that stuck out was that its totally NORMAL to have delayed bouts of grief...things happen in your life that trigger the emotions all over again, even when you think youre doing fine.

i'm so sorry for your loss...sending you lots and lots of hugs...your babies have a very special guardian angel watching over them

Peace

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Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS

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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks

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SheriKCMO

It's perfectly normal to have delayed reactions to things. I would feel the same way, looking at those two healthy boys and wondering if they should have a sister or brother lying next to them. It's terribly sad. I know with IVF there are many embryos lost by an average couple, though many are pre-implantation. I think it would be normal to hold feelings of loss for any and all of them. JMO.

On another note, you are still within the window of time when post partum depression can creep in. If you feel like this is really dragging you out of reality for more than a few days, it could be that you are having some other trouble and might benefit from calling your doctor. This is just something to keep in mind, because I do believe it's totally normal to grieve at this stage. That little triplet should be bouncing around with the other two, and it's more obvious all the time, I'm sure.
Best wishes,
Sheri

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Sheri:36 Hubby:36
Metformin 1500mg since 10/02, Yasmin since 4/06, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs

First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.

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Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks

Third pregnancy, Cerclage 8/13-1/19

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Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage 8/26-1/26

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Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs

Time to lose this weight!

*pEaNuT*

~~hugs~~

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Kissyboo

I agree that its normal to have delayed grieving. I became pregnant about 2 weeks after giving birth to my Son. Mostly because my Husband and I were young and stupid. We thought that using the foam alone would prevent pregnancy. We didnt even think to back it up with a condom. Anyway, we were happy none the less. But I guess my body could handle it because I had just had a baby, so I had a miscarriage. I was 6 weeks along, and my new born was about 8 weeks old. I was so stressed out at the time, because I was trying to take care of a new born that I didnt grieve right away. But when I finally did, it was horrible. I started blaming myself and my husband, because the way we noticed that I was threatening miscarriage, was after sex, there was a pool of blood. So of course I blamed the fact that we just had to have sex at that moment for the reason I had the miscarriage. Anyway, like the other Ladies, I dont think you're selfish at all! ((((hugs))))

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~ Crystal ~

southie

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions ladies. Yesterday was one of my worse days.
I will keep a special place in my heart for my little one who couldn't stay for long.

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Me(35), DH(44), Mom to 2 boys & an angel (vanishing triplet at 8wks)
Diagnosed PCOS/insulin resistance 09/2003


Currently trying to shift the bulge
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VivC

((SOUTHIE))

I agree with what the others have said, and I LOVE the idea of a remembrance garden. Now I just need a house.

I haven't gone on to have another baby, but I imagine it will be a bittersweet experience - joy and painful memories all rolled into one. I think what you're feeling is normal.

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Miracle baby boy Rivelino born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten...always to be remembered...forever my source of inspiration.

Dominici

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