Depressed and scared

southernchic24 · 07-31-2006, 03:17 PM

Hey girls

I just wanted to come and vent for a while... I had a miscarriage almost 3 weeks ago and had my D&C last Tuesday... ever since then I've just been completely out of my mind. It was my first baby and I wanted this soo bad(I know that you other "mommies" did too). I haven't been able to eat, sleep, concentrate, or anything else. My husband has been very supportive through all of this but I just feel like a bad wife knowing that I lost his child. I feel like I've let him down. He tried telling me that it wasn't my fault, but deep down, I feel like it is. I try and watch shows on tv to maybe help "cheer me up" but when I start laughing I feel so guilty for laughing, I feel like laughing makes me look like I didn't care about my baby.

To make the matters worse, When I found out that I lost the baby, I called my boss at work and told her and she said to not worry about coming to work until I "felt better and to take care of myself first" well, I haven't been back to work only to get my paycheck. Well, last night DH had to take me to the ER because I was still cramping and bleeding really bad and I was passing some green like stuff(Sorry TMI) I called the dr on call for my reg. dr. and he wanted me to come in, well, I called my boss and told her that I wasn't going to be able to make it in today because I was going to the dr. and I didn't know what time I'd get home(ER's are so slow), well, she then tells me that either I fill out a Medical Leave Act form, or I am going to get fired(mind you SHE told me not to worry about coming in, to take care of myself first). I'm so scared that I won't be able to take a leave of absence and I'm going to get fired, but right now I just can't work and be around people, I haven't gotten out of this house except to go to the dr. since I found out that I lost my baby. I'm just so confused and I feel so alone.

Thanks for reading this.

*SAHMommie* · 07-31-2006, 04:54 PM

((hugs)) I am sorry for your loss. Dealing with the loss is over-whelming.
Just take one day at a time. The miscarriage was not your fault-its just something that happens to some of us-unfortunately. Don't blame yourself in any way. I felt that way at first too-its hard to not feel like that.
Lean on your DH for supprt. Lean on us cysters here. I found much comfort & support here (& continue to).
I know how you are feeling. There are no magic words to say. Greive at your own pace.

Good luck & best wishes to you.

Again, sorry for your loss.

*~SugarPlums~* · 07-31-2006, 06:01 PM

See if you can get the fmla papers and take them to your Dr and have them fill them out. The same thing happened to me after my 4th loss. I just couldn't stand being areound many people especially pregnant co-workers. I told the Dr how I was feeling and explained that I just wasn't ready emotionally to go back to work and I wasn't sure how long it would take for me to get over it. He filled out the paper work "until further notice" and I had my DH drop it off (make a copy of it for your records). I felt better a few weeks later and had the Dr. release me.

Most companies are sypathetic at first saying to take care of yourself blah blah blah. But after a few weeks they get irritated and just want us back. There is no specific time for greiving. They think a few days is enough. JERKS!!

Bye using you fmla you will preserve you job. That's what its there for. Good luck!!!

AngelMama0914 · 08-01-2006, 02:19 AM

Jessica-

I just wanted to share with you a couple thoughts of my own. I am new to this group and lost my 3rd and longest pregnancy in September of this year. After I lost my son, I lost IT! I went bonkers, so bad I had to move, out of town wasnt far enough so I packed up my stuff and within 3 weeks I was gone. I needed to get away, unfortunetly its not the answer for us all, but it was for me. Its very difficult to deal with this, and there is nothing anyone can say to make it go away, except to know your not alone, there is so much out there to help you emotionally,physically, spiritually. When we want something SO bad and we lose it its awful. I feel your pain, and im so sorry. I wanted my son more than anything losing him has really left a whole in my heart and soul. I feel misplaced often. I agree with the other women you should file the right papers and fight it, you can. You deserve this time as a grieving mother to fill in those blanks or at least try. A great friend one told me "Never mess with a grieving mother, you will NEVER win!!" I truly believe in that, we are stronger women, and we can withhold and DO anything! Stay strong, keep pluggin ahead and keep shinning! All our times will come!!

My thoughts are with you in your time of need!

Anonykat · 08-01-2006, 04:42 AM

(((((hugs))))) to you in this very sorrowful time. Please do take advantage of FMLA so you don't lose your job.

May your sweet angel rest in God's arms.

LK

ChocFish · 08-01-2006, 05:10 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss (((hugs))). Please take the time you need to grieve, I hope you get the time off work you need. As for feeling guilty, that's completely normal, its part of the grieving process and you will get through that in time. For now, try to remember that its not your fault. I always say that its talk, tears and time that gets you through any grief process. Look after yourself and know that brighter days will come. We're all here for you.