derealization anyone?

mom_of_3_boys · 01-03-2006, 05:23 AM

I began experiencing these episodes about 2 yrs ago. I had a panick attack that lasted for weeks!! I freaked out and thought I was dying and couldn't shake it. It was sooo horrible, the Dr. put me on 1mg klonopin, and 20mg lexapro. I am better now, but still have problems every now and then. I was wondering if anyone else ever had the feeling of being in a dream, or a fog etc? It's a very scary feeling for me. When I am outside and the sun is setting it bothers me sometimes, also wal-mart does it to me. I don't freak out about it anymore cause I know what it is, but it is still annoying!

barneyb · 01-04-2006, 01:52 AM

With my panic attacks, I sometimes get an out-of-body type experience right before an attack really starts. It's like my body is still there and functioning, but my brain is somehow separate. Don't know if that's what you're talking about, but my old therapist said it's reasonably common.

*pEaNuT* · 01-04-2006, 02:02 AM

*hugs* My panic attacks last for awhile,, most they have ever lasted was a week! But thnk goodness I don't have them that often anymore! *hugs*

mrsteddy · 01-04-2006, 04:00 PM

Ah bless, Jaime, I've been through all of that. I had a panic attack that lasted weeks on end and it was the most miserable experience of my life. It's happened to me quite a few times actually. I also get derealisation - I had it constantly for months once, but now I only get it when I have a panic attacks. It's terrible. I can't do bright artificial lights either, especially when it's dark outside. And that in-between sun rising/setting time sets me off badly too. Feels like the twilight zone.
Hugs xx

mom_of_3_boys · 01-04-2006, 07:52 PM

Yes it is awful . I wonder why things like lights and stuff set it off. It really is horrible. I was always a little "high strung" and always thought everytime I had a weird pain or something that I was dying of a horrible disease, but I knew it was just me being a freak! Then one day my finger started twitching at dinner, and continued to do it off and on until the next morning. Then I decided to look it up on the internet HUGE MISTAKE!!!! That was what sent me into a a panick attack that seemed to last forever. I thought I was dying then when I started having the dearealization I thought I had brain cancer or something. It was horrible, I couldn't sleep at night because my mind would race, all I would do was cry and sleep when I could. The Dr. couldn't figure out what was wrong with me until I just started sobbing in his office, then he put me on Lexapro on Klonopin. I slowly got better and realized that I wasn't dying from a horrible disease, and was very disturbed that my OWN mind could be so evil. I have felt better ever since. The "fog" still comes and goes but I don't let it bother me like it did.

strongernow · 01-04-2006, 09:52 PM

wow I didnt even know that what I have had all my life has had a name to it..I always thought I was just different and maybe more "evolved" and not of this world. I still get it at times, yet I dont get panic attacks nearly as often as I did before. I had severe agoraphobia/social anxiety that started when I started smoking pot at 14..I believe it is what spurred my depression and anxiety on in the first place, I was on zoloft for years that never helped and made me more suicidal, I was then put on another anti-psychotic (forget the name, started with a D) which didnt help but made me numb, I then started Paxil.. It was the only thing that made me normal and let me lead a normal life, I was sick of taking it and weaned myself off it almost a year ago. Ive had a few anxiety attacks but I seem to be in better control of my body now. Certain things set me off too, I am pretty sure I am Photophobic and I get the feeling of Derealization often and will have to close my eyes or get fidgety to bring myself out of it. I hate it because it happens mostly at school (with bright artificial light) and I start feeling like I'm going to pass out, everything happens in slow motion and I feel detached. When you said Walmart does it to you, I couldnt help but laugh because walmart along with any bright busy department store does it to me too. Netherless if I think about it I constantly feel like I am in a dream..but I relate it to my beliefs and spirituality as well..and I believe life is just an altered state of a bigger reality..

mom_of_3_boys · 01-05-2006, 01:33 AM

I too was relived to find out what I was feeling had a name and that I was not alone in feeling like this. When it first occurred I felt totally crippled by it. It still bothers me, but I try to shake it off if I can. It was totally a coinsidence I found out what it was. I was doing a psychology paper in college and was researching for it and I ran across an article that mentioned the word "derealization" and "desocialization" I thought to myself, I wonder what that is, kinda sounds like it could describe what I am having so I googled it and VIOLA! Described it to a T!!! I felt such a sense of relief at that moment, but scared at the same time. I read message boards where people had been totally bound to their homes with this "fog" and unable to function in society, then I also read about others who got over it and never had it again, and then even more who had it all their lives at times, but just learned to deal with it. I have been on meds now FOREVER it seems, I wish I could get off of them, but my Dr. refuses to wean me off of them ( I think he like's knowing I have to come and see him every 3 months for a refill ) and I don't know how to do it myself. It is VERY comforting to know others are dealing with this, and leading normal productive lives ((HUGS))

strongernow · 01-05-2006, 01:42 AM

mom_of_3_boys, why dont you go see another doctor if this one is just keeping you "hostage" with pills? No real doctor would do such a thing especially if you expressed to him you arent happy taking them. My doctor immediatly told me of all the symptoms and things that could happen when I go off them but helped me wean off them because it is what I wanted. I have read message board about this too and alot of people are experiencing this DR/DP because of medications harboring it. I would definitely get a second opinion. I honestly believe that meditation, maybe some therapy and holistic healing can do wonders with it. The brain is a powerful thing and so is the power of suggestion.

mom_of_3_boys · 01-05-2006, 03:02 AM

LOL I said desocialization! I meant depersonalization! I am a cash paying patient, I have no insurance, and he just says if I'm doing okay off of them then why stop. I tried to wean myself off of them before but I wasn't sure how to do it so I stopped. Dh and I are wanting another baby and I cannot take these meds while pg, but he said wait until I get pg then he'll take me off of them! I'd rather do it now though, but I don't know how to go about doing it!! and even before we decided to get pg, I asked him, it's probably been a yr or so ago, about getting off of them then.....same answer thne too. I feel like a crack head

I think if I could get passed the way the meds make me feel when I have tried to quit taking them I could control the DR/DP now that I know what it is. But I dunno what to do.

strongernow · 01-05-2006, 03:42 PM

what kind of meds are you on? I know some are alot harder to wean off of then others, and the fact that it takes about a year to finally leave your system doesnt help if you want to get pg..stopping them as soon as you get pg, what will that do? It takes atleast a month or two to wean yourself off, maybe more, so you will be taking these meds while you are pg?

mom_of_3_boys · 01-05-2006, 04:15 PM

See that's what I was wondering. I went to him in Oct and told him I wanted to get pg and to wean off them meds. We are planning on IVF in Feb/March so I knew in OCt I would have had enough time, but now I will have to hustle. I take 20mg of Lexapro and 1mg of Klonopin. I guess he is just wanting me to quit cold turkey once pg? I dunno, I really need to get off of this crap before then {SIGH}

Scoot · 01-05-2006, 04:44 PM

Holy mother of god. I didn't even know there was a word for this. Man, I've dealt with this for years and had no idea it was a recognized disorder!

From the age of 12 thru 16, I would have what I guessed were "panic attacks," usually brought on by the fear of something (usually catching some sort of crazy disease), but they were quick and relatively mild as attacks go. In fact, I wasn't even sure if they were "panic attacks," because I wasn't feeling frenzied or panicky really, just... detatched? A little frightened? Like I was having a nightmare. When I was 16 I decided to experiment once with a powerful hallucinogen. BIG MISTAKE. THAT experience, while it wasn't bad in and of itself, sort of introduced my mind, as it were, to a whole new level of detatchment. It's like I "learned" what it REALLY felt like to be detatched, and to have yourself and everything around you feel completely foreign, foggy, unreal, and things got a million times worse. That one experience seemed to be a trigger, and the feelings stayed with me for weeks, and for some time afterward I would have frequent recurrences of it. I deemed them "flashbacks" of some kind, though, and just figured that's what I deserved. Over a few years they became less frequent, and my last significant episode was two years ago, thankfully. I think it's ironic that several of you seem to mention Wal-Mart as a trigger. When I'm feeling an "episode" come on, I actually have to use things like Wal-Mart (or any other busy place) as a means of "re-orienting" myself. Something about seeing other people bustle about their business reminds me that I'm really alive and that this world really exists, if that makes any sense (I know it sounds ridiculous).

In any case, wow, thanks so much for mentioning this! No psychiatrist/psychologist I've ever visited has, and I might've gone a long long time thinking I was the only one who felt this way! I feel much less crazy now.

mom_of_3_boys · 01-05-2006, 05:14 PM

WOW glad this post helped. For a long time I thought I as the only one who ever had experienced anything like this before! Al teast we all know we are not alone, that is comforting to me. Now I don't feel panicked about them, because I am familiar with them by now. But, as I'm sure you read, at first I thought I had brain cancer or something horrible that made me feel that way! That sent me into a REAL panic attack that FOREVER it seemed. I went to the eye Dr to have them check my eyes, my GP (about 3 times) by the third visit he was totally puzzled at what I was describing to him and wanted to refer me to a neurologist. Hearing him say that made me just start balling, it was then he knew it was anxiety, or something of the sort, and put me on Lexapro and Klonopin, and I slowly, over a few months got back to normal. I still experience these episodes if my kids are bouncing off the walls, or if I am anxious about something, walmart, the mall or any other crowded place etc but it's not scary for me at all now knowing what it is and that "this to shall pass" but it is frustrating none the less.

Scoot · 01-05-2006, 05:31 PM

Yeah, I hear ya on the brain cancer fear. It's never been brain cancer in particular for me, but actually one of my biggest triggers is when I begin to worry about having some sort of disease. I can be sort of a hypochondriac at times, but I do recognize that that's what it is so I guess that's a step. I start equating any random weird things going on with my body with rampant, unusual diseases, I get worried about it, and that triggers the detatched, unreal feeling more often than anything else. The first time I can ever remember it happening, I was twelve, and I had myself convinced I had Ebola. Ebola!!! How ridiculous. That should've been the first clue that I was a looney tune, I guess!

mom_of_3_boys · 01-05-2006, 06:57 PM

Oh I TOTALLY know what you mean! When I was young (under 10) was when AIDS was all over the news. I would lay in bed at night and cry because I thought I had AIDS!!! Where the hell did that come from?!?!?!?! I guess seeing all the hoopla on tv freaked me out. I knew I didn't have it but I still couldn't shake feeling like I had gotten it from somewhereI don't remember having the DR/DP then, just a paralyzing fear I was dying, it only happened at night...during the day I was fine. Now if I have anything that could be traced (or even not traced) to a weird disease it brings on the DP/DR feeling, but it's fleeting.