devastated...help me.

soya · 06-24-2004, 04:20 PM

Hi ladies,
I really need words of encouragement.I am all out of hope.I lost my son due to IC in march of this year.....still grieving so much.Got pg again in may....had a m/c at 5 weeks.I just want to start our family and am so tired of waiting.I am seeing my RE & fertility expert in july.I got pg the two times on met alone.I am just so so impatient ....and the emotional pain is horrendous.When will it stop hurting so much?My husband has three children from a previous marriage.....I love them cause they are half him.....but it is so difficult to be around them.Reminds me of what we lost and what I so desperately want.I thought all I had to worry about the second time around was the cerclage.I am so angry at god ....haven't prayed in a while.SO so sad:-(

kwannabee · 06-24-2004, 04:28 PM

soya....i'm so sorry! We're very similar in our stories...its a little scary actually

I sent you a pm.

lots_of_dots · 06-24-2004, 06:08 PM

((((big hugs soya))))

I'm so sorry for your losses. I know it's hard to do right now but don't give up on God. I've wanted to so many times in the past but I found that I needed him to lean on more than I needed to be mad at him. I pray god gives you the strength to get through this hard time.

((((more big hugs))))

KimberlyJ · 07-21-2004, 03:03 PM

Hi Soya, don't give up. Please don't stop praying. Everyone needs something to believe in and to give us strenght. Your babies soul is waiting for the right time. I'm a firm believer in what is meant to be, God needs to make sure your body can have a healthy baby. Be careful what you wish for and let God guide you. I'll light a candle for you, they are blessed. I'm by no means an overly religious person but I do have my faith.

I may need your kind words of strenght one day as I am just starting my round one of Chlomid. We have been trying for over a year now.

Keep your chin up

powerpuff · 07-21-2004, 08:09 PM

Hi Soya~

You are not out of hope and please never ever lose your faith!

There are cysters who have been ttc for years and still not giving up. I myself have been ttc since 2001. It is a journey of ups and downs (mostly downs of course). The wait is killing us and we all feel impatient sometimes, especially after a loss. I know that first hand.

I also lost my baby due to IC/preterm labor last year. I kept telling myself I WILL get pregnant again and STAY pregnant with a healthy baby. I am now almost 28 weeks pregnant and have a cerclage done this time. Let me tell you the cerclage isn't something to worry about. I pray that you will soon find peace and strength in you.

cheers,
Jessica

April_Bee · 07-22-2004, 04:25 AM

Soya,

Please don't give up on your faith. I know it's hard right now, but you need to continue praying. It's all we have left when we've lost so much. After my m/c, I had a hard time praying. But I hung in there and now my faith is stronger than before. It's been a long journey, but God is healing my heart and giving me a new hope for ttc. I'm praying for you and your family. (((((((big hugs)))))))

tndrmrcies · 07-22-2004, 11:44 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. We all know how much it hurts, but we also know it affects everyone a little differently. I have to agree with the other ladies, don't give up on God. I have had trouble praying since my m/c as well. I seem to be able to pray for strength to get me through the grief (which God has graciously given), but I can't seem to pray beyond that for another pregnancy, dr. appts, procedures, etc.

I'm just God knows what is in my heart. And even if you can't pray the words, God knows what is in your heart too. It's okay to be angry with God. He understands. I wanted to share two brief passages from a book I've really found helpful, Free to Grieve by Maureen Rank. In regards to anger she writes, "Of all the grieving responses, I believe that anger is the most difficult to accept, particularly for those of us who are Christians and particularly when we are angry with God." She goes to write later in the same passage, "Psychologisty Paul Tornier observes, ' "Open the Bible: Moses, Job, the authors of psalms, the prophets-there is plenty of righteous anger there. Jesus Himself overturning the tables of the money-changers in the Temple............Holy Writ is full of conflicts, conflicts between men, and between God and men, and when true harmony-the harmony of faith-supervenes, it is only after an explosion of anger. In the personal history of many believers holy rebellion has been the first step towards a trusting encounter with God." '

So it's okay to be angry, but try to keep praying. If nothing else pray for the strength to get through the day and wisdom for what lies ahead.

Karla

hopeful408 · 07-22-2004, 06:16 PM

Soya
i am so sorry for your loss, last week, i also miscarried my first baby, after ttc for 10 years. we were devastated, our hearts broke and yes, we did experience sadness, confusion and anger. but i'd like to tell you something............
when i got pregnant, i praised and thank God with all my heart and trusted Him with our lives, also, i prayed to Him that it be His will in regards to my pregnancy. i glorified Him and exalted Him regardless of the outcome (i had no idea i would miscarry). when i did miscarry, i cried out to Him, and He took me in His arms. He gave me the strength to make it through, and His peace spread like fire over my heart. i still give Him the glory for making a positive change in my body, now i know i CAN get pregnant and someday be a mommy.
why miscarriages happen, we might never know but one thing is for sure, God is in control and only He can heal our hearts from this awful pain of losing our precious children. i hope i don't sound insensitive to you, i tell you from my heart, the Lord loves you unconditionally and wants to comfort you, even if you haven't prayed in awhile, He's still here, waiting for you. don't let the devil tell you lies and deceit about your situation, or even try to condemn you. the Lord gave me a scripture that i have been meditating on for awhile, Isaiah 54 and i believe it. i hope that soon you will feel joy and not give up on your journey to achieve your dreams! you're in my thoughts.......take care dear........

tndrmrcies · 07-22-2004, 06:49 PM

Hopeful,

That was so well said. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with everyone.

hopeful408 · 07-22-2004, 08:24 PM

thanks Tndrmrcies....
i'm glad that my experience could offer something to someone else, i believe there's a purpose for everything, we might not understand it or like it at times but the Lord knows our future and He knows what is coming up. i won't lie, for moments i did feel like rebelling, asking "why why" but when you know in your heart, that He has YOUR interests in mind, you can feel at peace. i also felt that i didn't want to get pregnant and miscarry again, that i couldn't bare the pain again, but the Word says we are conqurers in Christ, that the victory is already ours, that He knows the plans He has for us, to give us a future and a HOPE. i used to doubt if i was meant to be a mommy, but again, His Word says that no woman in His people shall be barren, we are to be fruitful and multiply, and He will give us the desires of our hearts. sorry for making my response long, i'd just like my Cysters to know that we can go to Him who is Almighty and is abundant in mercy, grace and blessings!

SheriKCMO · 07-23-2004, 12:06 AM

Soya,
Our losses are virtually identical. The pain after that insulting early loss was almost unbearable. I was certain that I would never have a family.

I think the whole thing threw my hormones into a big mess, and once they straightened out a bit, I felt better and could see things in a better light.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. See if there are support groups in your area. It has really helped me, like having cysters in person! Try not to rush and put pressure on yourself right now. Getting out of bed in the morning is a huge accomplishment, so feel proud of everything else you feel up for.

We're here to listen, and when your body is ready to carry a child again, you know so much more about what care you need. It will go very well, and you can fill those arms as we all wish to do.

((Lots of hugs))
Sheri

Liesl123 · 07-23-2004, 02:58 PM

Soya - my heart goes out to you. I also lost my son due to IC on July 3, 2004. Still realing from the shock and not praying much. The only thing that I have been able to pray is to thank God that he gave me my son for 21 weeks in my womb and an hour in my arms.

AvivaElona · 07-23-2004, 05:12 PM

Soya,

No words, just hugs. I wish no one had to experience these losses. I'm on a support board for those with IC and while some have had multiple losses it does seem that most have eventually manged to have a child to hold in their arms.

It gives me hope to read it.

Aviva