DH's cousin had a baby on Tuesday

RoxieInPa · 06-21-2004, 11:38 PM

DH's cousin had a baby on Tuesday, June 15, 2004. We didn't even know she was pregnant. She say's she didn't know either, but how can be 30 weeks and not know? She was either 33 or 34 weeks when she delivered a healthy baby boy THANK GOD the baby is fine from what I am told. My in laws never told me till Saturday the 19th. They said it was to "protect" me that they thought I wasn't ready to tell me. Why 4 days later? Does 4 days make a difference? Not to me. They are going to give her a baby shower on Sunday the 27th. My MIL says they will understand if I don't go but I know her family they WILL hold it against me and DH for not "getting" me to go. I do wish them both well wishes (I never really liked her but I do wish her well) I do want to go but I don't think I can handle it. I don't know what to do. My mom thinks I should not go. I don't know what to do. I still cry everyday. I have to go back to work in one week. I don't want to do that either! I am so lost. I need help as to what to do with my life. I feel like I am going CRAZY!!!

packerfan · 06-22-2004, 01:20 AM

(((HUGS))) Roxie,

I suggest NOT going, it is just too soon. No matter even if you think you are ready, it is a whole other story once you are there. I really hope that everyone would understand and not hold it against you and DH---if they don't understand that's THEIR problem.

I would send a nice card and gift and leave it at that.

Keep your chin up, eventually your heart will feel better, but it's tough, I know.

Kim

~Traci~ · 06-22-2004, 01:31 AM

I say do not go. Send a nice gift & a card. It doesn't matter what her family or your family thinks, for your peace & sanity, I would not go.

{{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci

airforcewifeynva · 06-22-2004, 12:30 PM

I also suggest not going if you dont feel ready. I went to the hospital to visit a good friend of mine after she delivered her healthy baby boy. It was 2 weeks after we buried our son. It was the biggest mistake I could have made. I wound up leaving early and in tears. I am sure everyone thought I was nuts. Do what feels comfortable and who cares what anyone else thinks. Good luck!

RoxieInPa · 06-22-2004, 01:47 PM

Thank you all for your kind words and hugs. I needed them. I already bought a card for her (one step at a time 1st the card then a gift ... I will have it by he time the shower gets here) and that was hard enough.

DH and I had a little fight last night. His aunt from out of state had called to see how we are doing. He tell here I am good and back to "normal". I was in the tub but did hear him then comes up and tells me his aunt wants to talk to me .... "Hello can you NOT see I am in the tub"? So he left and finished talking with her. When I got out of the tub. He was yellin at me cuz I was "rude" to his aunt. So I yelled right back and told him don't tell ppl I am back to "normal" cuz I will NEVER be normal again! This is now my normal state of mind! B~4 I was not a mom , now I AM A MOM and my baby died b~4 he/she ever had a chance! I will NEVER be the same ol' Rox again! Then of corse I cried cuz I should have been 18 weeks pg yesterday

It's like it get harder everyday not easy.

kwannabee · 06-22-2004, 03:05 PM

Well Roxie i just want to say that your post brought tears to my eyes cuz your cousins baby came on the 15th...that was my due date

2nd of all...i know what you mean about the 'not feeling normal' and the difficulty sharing in anothers joy so soon after your loss. I still havent gotten a card even for my sil who had her twins a month ago...i should have my twins right now...i tried to buy a sleeper or sometihng and i left the store in fear of losing control completely...i almost hyperventalated in my car! havent tried to do it again...either...so i know how you feel.

As for the shower...how close are you to this cousin of your dh? How close are you to the friends and reletives that are there? Chances are if they know you enough they'll understand why you're not there...if they DONT know you...they wont care one way or the other!! (i dont say that to be mean but its a reality unfortunately...) Dont take on more guilt then you need to. Send your well wishes, and take care of you. You first. And dont feel guilty for ONE minute...

...hope your feeling better soon...

RoxieInPa · 06-22-2004, 08:02 PM

kwannabee ~ THank you for your reply. As for how close am I or DH to her ...... We have not seen her since around Christmas of 99. MIL's family are a bunch of drunks and cannot get along. That's why MIL don't talk to her mom. DH's grandmother turned to her daughter in NY when dh's grandfather died. (I will call her AUNT E) Aunt E is a drunk. Along with Aunt A (Aunt A is the new grandmother.) ANd Aunt J (Who moved to Ohio) Aunt J and MIL are the only two who do not drink. DH's cousin is just like the rest of them. Hubby and I are not drinkers (Not saying we don't enjoy a drink on "special" day's or even weddings or such.) They cannot go 1 day w/o a drink. I even have a drunk for an Aunt but we don't be with her ofton. It's just messed up.

kwannabee · 06-22-2004, 09:04 PM

Well see there ya go! We all remember the dilemma of having to invite ole 'aunt murtle' or 'uncle Harold' to the wedding because we were 'supposed to' NOT because we felt connected to them...its the same thing. Dont worry about being 'politically correct'...just do whats right for you at this moment...later on when youre stronger then maybe you can handle the 'outlaws'...but right now...sounds stressful to me.

Hope you're feeling better about things soon...hang in there okay?

RoxieInPa · 06-22-2004, 09:32 PM

Thank you I will take your advice. I do want to see her and give the gift myself but not stay (maybe 3 ~ 5 minutes) Just long enough to wish her well and give the gift. Again thanks for being here to listen to my "story".