distorted self image: tired of feeling ugly

lamaannalove · 09-27-2002, 02:15 AM

of course there are plenty of people whe say that i'm beautiful and they can't grasp why i feel so freakish. i can't reconcile the two things either because i believe that other people are being honest when they say those things, but when i look at myself, i see the sum of all of these freakish flaws: thin hair, fuzzy face, double chin, round belly, no waist, dark armpits and neck and under boobs, hairy arms, jiggly thighs.

i hate PCOS because i feel like it is the single reason i am ugly.

but i'm not ugly, am i? i am not just the sum of body parts that i consider ugly. how can i see myself as an entire individual and a beautiful one? i have to deal with there being something wrong with me everyday. how do i not focus on those wrong things to the exclusion of the whole package as something awesome?

not ugly:

MaLee · 09-27-2002, 03:05 AM

PCOS does make you feel like sh@t doesn't it. I was never one to worry about what I looked like or paid much attention to what I looked like. (Big Flannel Fan, wear make-up maybe twice a year, never fix my hair [wash and dry]) But, once I was diagnosed last year, I have slowly started obessing about the excess hair. I knew I had a 'moustache' but it never bothered me until last year. I am now looking at every single feature and feel horrible.
I guess we both will just have to try and find something good about ourselves every day and focus on that until we are convinced that every part has some good.

taah · 09-30-2002, 04:37 AM

I think most of us relate to how you feel. I know I have my moments that I feel exactly the same way and when my DH tells me I am beautiful, I just don't see it... I tell him .. hello I am looking in the mirror... but then he tells me he wishes I could see me through his eyes and that gets to me alot of times.... we will always critize ourselfs 100% worse than anything ever is, and most of the things we see and point out others don't even see. I know its not easy to overlook our problem areas that we have to face everyday, trust me I go through it, however, when I get really down on myself, I try to tell myself that it could be alot worse than hair or dark patches or weight that I was having to worry about and that my DH loves me and thinks I am absoulety beautiful.... so just try to keep that in mind sometimes.... you are beautiful... I know , easier said than done....

BEST WISHES

TERRA

missinnocence · 09-30-2002, 03:05 PM

This post hits home. At almost 250 pounds I can not believe what I see whenI look in the mirror. And it is so very frustrating because I am a very photogenic person and take pictures all the time so my weight gain from 150 to 250 is well documented. WhenI got married I was so much smaller and I keep trying to convince myself that my hubby still loves me the way I am now, but it gets harder everyday. No matter how many times he tells me he doesn't care, I never believe it. When ALL my hair falls out I always swear he's gonna leave me, but it has happened twice so far and he never leaves my side. It's so frustrating. I can really relate and I hope it gets better with time for you and all of the rest of us.

TxLady · 09-30-2002, 04:21 PM

I just have to mirror what Terra said - to the word. I have to tell myself every single day, as I stare at myself in the mirror and fight back tears, that I am harder on myself than I should be, and that I need to listen to those I know truly love me and care for me. They won't lie.

There have been times that I accuse DH of being on crack or something - like when he comes home from work and I have spent all day caring for our 4mo old daughter, cleaning the house, not showered yet, hair a mess, spit-up on my clothes, and so on, and he grabs me and kisses me and tells me how wonderful it is to come home to a beautiful woman. I could swear it is drugs talking! But it isn't - it is love,and i have to listen to that.

You are beautiful, girl - start believing that. I tell myself that I am stronger than PCOS - it might give me daily obstacles to fight, but by damned, I am going to beat them - not them ruin my day!

sweetkimmy · 10-01-2002, 10:37 AM

I can so relate. When I see pictures of myself, I can't believe I am so fat. I also have a beard and a lot of hair on my arms which I feel is quite noticable. I have hair in other places, but you can't see it thank goodness. I get depressed quite often. I've been in therapy and on prozac. I have lost 17lbs since being diagnosed and I see some lightening on the hair on my arms. I just seems to be taking so long. My doctor says it could take a year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.