Divorcee Cysters- How did you go about asking for a divorce?

AimeK · 03-22-2006, 04:21 PM

I am going to ask my husband for a divorce (long story, many reasons) and I am not sure how to go about it. I don't want to air the dirty laundry in front of others but I am kind of afraid to be alone with him when doing it in case he goes psycho on me or something, I am also unsure of how to break it to my daughter (she is almost 13).

I have already secured myself an apartment and have been applying for jobs, until I am employed I will be living off of my savings. I am scared and yet, I oddly find it freeing.

I guess I just want the benefit of knowing what someone else has gone through, because I have so many mixed emotions and fears. Thanks in advance to anyone who can give me some insight.

Amy

StarMaiden · 03-22-2006, 05:08 PM

Amy, since the divorce laws are different in every state, I can't tell you what to do from a legal standpoint, but I DO suggest you make a trip to the public library. There are going to be resources there that will show you what you need to know, and suggest best ways of going about things. Knowledge is power in this situation.

I am worried that you are scared of him and what he might do. I think you need to maybe have someone else around when you tell him this. Or maybe have a restraining order or something. Or already be moved out when you tell him.

My situation was different. It was no suprise to my husband that I went for a divorce, but he was surprised the day he got served with papers. BTW, I had a contested divorce, which I don't suggest, because it can take forever, and cost a lot. But I couldn't get my ex to cooperate and get a no fault dissolution.

I really feel for you! It is so awful to go through, and especially if you have a child involved. But I am glad you said you feel it is "freeing" because I think that means you know you are making the right decision!

QuiltingAllieKat · 03-22-2006, 09:28 PM

Amy,

First I want to say congratulations to you. I know that might seem weird to some people, but if you say that getting started by getting an apartment is freeing then you deserve it.

My ex and I were having one of our "normal" fights when I told him that we go to consuling or we get a divorce because I couldn't put up with his abuse any more. I'm not sure what your situation is and I wish you the best of luck.

On suggestion that I can think of is to have all of your stuff out and maybe a friend waiting in the car to drive you to your new place. That way if he goes "psycho" they are near by to call for help if needed. I'd also recommend that your daughter be nowhere near when you tell him. And maybe on a subconscience level he knows that it coming. If you are having a bad marriage he probably relaizes it on some level but doesn't want to acknowledge it.

If you ever want to chat let me know. Best of luck, many hugs and my shoulder is ready if you need one to cry on. Divorce is hard wether your want it or not.

mandi78 · 03-22-2006, 11:10 PM

Yeah, I would definitely have someone with you if you are afraid. When my mom divorced my dad, I saw a side of my dad that I had never seen and hope I will never see again. A male relative preferably if possible. (if it's a male friend, he may suspect an affair and that would probably set him off more) And, I would not let him know where you live either. If he gets partial custody of DD, drop her off at his place or meet at a neutral location.....McDonalds or whatever.

I agree about not telling him when your daughter is around. I would think about telling her before you tell him. That way, she has your side of the story (the truth) first and she is less likely to believe lies he may tell her and "his side of the story".

Good luck and we are here for you.

AimeK · 03-24-2006, 01:15 PM

He has never acted violent, ever. But...since this is an emotionally charged issue, you never know what a person might do, you know? I also think he may actually still love me, whereas for me the feelings I had for him have been long dead.

One time when we were first married he said he just ought to shoot himself when I left him to go to my Mom's after an argument and that always sticks in the back of my mind (What if he goes thru with it?) I am probably just paranoid but one cannot be too careful. I have gotten myself nerved up to the point where my blood pressure is going haywire so it is time to just drop the bomb and go on with life.

Thanks so much for your input, girls! I am so glad this board is here.

~*~TammyLynn~*~ · 03-24-2006, 02:41 PM

Just wanted to say I wish you the best of luck. My divorce was final on March 9th and I couldnt be happier. My ex was a cheater and verbally abusive. It's the best thing Ive ever done for myself.