Do any other cysters find this ?

magzarooni · 11-03-2009, 12:11 PM

I am really fighting a losing battle with my docs to get any help for my pcos. Although I am thin and I have facial hair and hair in places where I shouldn't, I find that the real impact of my pcos is on my emotional state of mind. There is defo a serious chemical imbalance going on.The real problem I am having is that I feel so ugly and totally unnattractive, even tho my bf is always telling me that I am beautiful. Whenevr we go anywhere and I see him looking in another woman's direction it sends me in to a mad insane frenzy and I find myself saying a lot of things that I don't mean.It's like I am jealous of every other woman on this earth and I know that isn't normal. Any advice or if anyone has had this or similar problems , I'd love to hear from you . Magz xxxxxx

Tina Castle · 11-06-2009, 03:47 AM

You might need to see a counselor to talk through your jealousy/anger because that's definitely nothing good.

I can relate to the boyfriend thing. PCOS and poor eating habits have wreaked havoc on my body. I don't find myself attractive, but men like confidence so I don't mention it to my boyfriend.

magzarooni · 11-06-2009, 11:51 AM

Hey Tina thanks for your reply. Me and my bf started counselling on wed night and I have to say that the first session was a bit tearful for both of us .Although me feeling really awful about myself is partly down to my pcos, I didn't really indicate when I posted this thread that a lot of how I feel about myself is due to stuff that has happened to me in my past.Without giving every detail of my life on here I can tell you that all this started when I was 18 and preg with my 1st son.I'd been in a relationship with my sons father for approx 18mths when I fell preg and as soon as I told him he didnt want to take on the responsibility so I was quite literally left holding the baby!!!! I met another guy when I was approx 5mths preg and we were serious. All went well until I had my son and thats when all the abuse started. He told me I was ugly so much that I believed him, he used to physically abuse me because I didn't look,dress or act the way he wanted me to and his abusiveness really started to affect me , emotionally I was a wreck. Now I hear all you cysters out there saying " Why did you put up with that" and the truth is that he had me emotionally brainwashed into thinking I couldn't get anyone else. The final crunch came when we reached our 2yr point in our relationship and I discovered I was pregnant to him. He said I was lying and punched me in the stomach and automatically I miscarried. That was the turning point for me and I broke up with him.After about 6mths of trying to deal with the loss of my baby I attended a counceller but found that it didnt really help me so I bluffed my way to making her think I was totally helped and I was released from therapy there and then.I vowed that I would never trust anither guy again.I was 24 when I met my next bf and I made him aware of my past from day 1 so that he would understand why I found it so hard to trust.We were together 7 yrs when I found out I was preg BUT, sadly I miscarried before the 3mth mark. I was so gutted that I left my work as I couldn't cope.Almost a year to the day later I realised I was preg again and was delighted but, my partner seemed a bit funny about it and I just presumed he was a bit scared that I would lose the baby again.All went well in this pregnancy but my partner always seemed really distant, he waited til I got to the 6mth point and told me that he didn't love me anymore. 2 weeks after I moved out of our home I went back to get some of my clothes and discoverd that there was another woman.Here was me 6mths preg with a 13yr old son already moving back into my mums aged 32.3 mths later I gave birth to my second son reece who was absolutely beautiful but again not born into the most perfect of circumstances . Reece is now nearly 4 and I have been with my bf for just over a year now and he is the most loving, caring and devoted man I have ever met.I really want my therapy to work for me because now I know I have met my mr right and I think that now is the time to end my anger/jealousy thing but , to be honest the counceller told me that she could understand perfectly why I feel so **** about myself.I am giving my all into getting help so that my relationship is given a chance to survive. Magz xxx ps (that was me cutting a long story short ) lol xxx

Tina Castle · 11-06-2009, 09:42 PM

It sounds like you've been through a lot and I can related to you with not trusting counselors. My parents forced to and my younger sister to go to therapy after our brother's murder which happened in March 2003. The therapy went on during the summer of 2004 and it was just awful.

The woman *therapist* berated my sister and I. She kept going on and on about how she had to watch her entire family be slaughtered in a war that happened in her native Jeruselam and that our brother's death was entirely his fault. She went as far as to tell me I should just get over it. My sister and I stopped going, but my mom continued to see this woman because she fed into my mother's blown up ego.

I'm glad you and your boyfriend are in couples therapy. It sounds like he's willing to take the steps that it requires to have a successful relationship. I say stick with it because every therapist is different. After that awful woman I went to I decided in 2007 to seek religious based counseling and it was the best thing ever. Before and after each session my counselor and I would pray and during my time with her she actually listened and never judged.

I don't fault you for staying in an abusive relationship. Being single isn't the most desired position in the world and having PCOS only makes it more difficult. On top of that you had a child and who would want to have a father figure around?

I wish you luck on your journey through life.

magzarooni · 11-07-2009, 03:49 PM

Hi Tina I just want to say thanks for your words of understanding on here to me. It seems that you have had a pretty crap time too what with losing your brother, which I was very sorry to hear about.I totally agree with what you said about knowing that a counceller is not right for you and the " get over it attitude" , that is no use to man nor beast lol. I'm glad you found comfort through religion and an understanding ear. You seem like such a lovely person and I am totally appreciative for your kind words and thoughts. Thanks again xxxx Magz xxxxxxxxxxx