Well, it looks like for my little neice...the end is coming. When i lost aimee and dana my sil was preparing to have her twins at the same time...we were due about a week or so apart...weird but true...her babies were born about a month after our memorial service....
anyway having to deal with the emotional roller coaster of grieving my girls while being 'happy' for her successful pregnancy...it was hard...i mean reeeeely hard...but she was fortunately very supportive of me and tried to be understanding of how hard it was for me, and i know i tried. Especially knowing her little one was gravely ill and her life expectancy wouldnt be very long...but at least she got a year or so of life whereas i got nothing. Now we've come full circle...our roles are reversed...i'm getting ready for my baby to come into the world and she is preparing for the inevitable death of hers...poor sweet baby just cant go on anymore...her little brain cannot function at the capacity needed to operate her growing body...her organs are shutting down and now its just a waiting game.
And the family philosophy is that john and i are 'lucky' that our girls went the way they did...instead of this prolonged waiting game...personally i think its wrong that either of us is losing our little girl but emotions and logic dont always mix. Whether baby is here for two minutes or two years...it doesnt matter...but i cant convince anyone so i just stay quiet...maybe its a grieving mommy thing i dont know...
Aimee and Dana have been my guardian angels throughout this preg and i go tomorrow to have my stitch taken out...and i love them and think of them every single day and wish they were still here with me...and yet i guess i'm just glad they're there to meet their little cousin...how logical is that??!!
Anyway...sorry for my rambling...
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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Kim,
I'm sorry that the day is approaching for your family to sustain another enormous blow. It does seem that joy is strangely accompanied by pain in that group. I'm very sad about that. Good luck with the stitch... just take some deeeeep breaths, and it'll be over soon.
I think that the philosophy that it's better to die sooner than later falls into the "they didn't suffer" category, but there's just no need to talk that way. If it gets to you, tell them to keep their thoughts to themselves.
Hugs to the whole family,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Kim, I'm so sorry for you and your family. These emotions must be so hard to deal with and sort out I'm so happy for you that tomorrow you will get your cerclage out! But on the other hand, I'm so sad that your brother and SIL are losing their baby Gosh, your family has been through too much pain. In any case, she's lucky to have you around for support.
The whole "it's easier to lose them sooner than later" inspired a blog post of mine.
Quote:
Easier isn't always better. On one of my loss boards, we have a few "rant" threads where we complain about the stupid things that people say to us in reaction to losing our babies. One of the things that really gets on our nerves is "At least it didn't happen *after* he/she was born." "At least you were only 5 weeks along." "At least you didn't have a strong bond with the baby." The stupidity of these statements defy words, but I'll explain anyway. First and foremost, these statements minimize the loss, as if it is unreasonable for us to be devastated by the fact that our children died. Secondly, there is no AT LEAST when it comes to a child dying. Nobody would ever be so stupid as to say "Well, at least your grandfather didn't die later, when you would have had a deeper bond with him." or "Well, I know your mother died, but you are young. You can at least have another one." HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT REPLACEABLE! Yes, I am shouting. It just makes me so angry!
Fortunately, I haven't heard too many stupid comments like these, but I can imagine how frustrating it must be for women who get these comments day in and day out. Imagine constantly having to listen to this tripe.
In this online discussion, we did agree to the partial validity of the fact that it IS easier to lose a baby earlier rather than later. Having a bond with someone DOES make it harder to lose them. It is a fact of life that we all die, so we should be prepared for this fact when it comes to any one of our loved ones. But would we give up a minute that we spent with them? No, not a single second.
Allow me to step into "what if?" land for a minute. What if Gabriel had been born at full term and died of SIDS? Would I want that situation or this one? They're both devastating and there is no loving parent in the world who would want either one. But DAMN, I wish I got the chance to see my baby smile. I wish I had the chance to hear him cry, and to see his eyes. I wish I had the chance to get to know him before he left me.
I suppose it would have been easier to lose him at 5 weeks. Heck, I might have even had him a sibling by now. Would I change it if I could? There's not a chance in the world that I would. Thinking about this has made me realize that I am thankful for all of the things I DID get to experience with him.
I did get to see and hear his little heart beating. I saw him do somersaults in my womb. I FELT him moving and kicking me. I watched as my husband, the man I love beyond words, form a bond with him. I got to talk to him when he was in my belly. I got to hold him and to see just how perfect and beautiful he was. I got to feel the excitement of telling my parents that they would be grandparents for the first time. I got to see his sisters' happy faces when they found out they would have a new sibling. I got to wear maternity clothes and tell people excitedly how far along I was.
There's no way in the world that I would give a second of it back. If I somehow make it so that I didn't conceive him, there is no way in the world that I would do it. Yes, it would have been easier on me to have never gone through this pain. But then he wouldn't exist. None of that good stuff never would have happened. And he wouldn't be waiting for me in Heaven.
I dunno if that helps any, but those are my thoughts.
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
Gabriel born 19w5d 11/15/04 due to IC. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
" 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Adrianne, I totally agree with your sentiments. I hope that all mothers can feel some comfort when they think of the good times they had with their babies. It's hard no matter when we lose them, but that doesn't de-value any of the time we had together.
Adrienne...you just said it all so....perfectly...i knew you guys would understand.
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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{{{{HUGS}}}} to you Kim as well as to your entire family. Neither of you are "lucky", you both lost/losing children and I don't call that "lucky" by any means.
Traci
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2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
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So sorry for your loss and your SIL impending loss. Its just horriable
When my daughter was born it was indeed a joyous thing but at 5 months old she developed cancer and we almost lost her numerous times. Is it easier to not see them grow and smile and see their sweet eyes. I dont know. that is something that only the mother knows deep in her heart. My daughter is almost 10 now and If I ever were to loose her I would not be able to go on. period.And I know that deep in my heart. I guess I should count my blessings every day.
Best of luck to you and your family. I will pray for you all.
Good luck with the new baby!!
__________________ Cathy 32 y/o To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DBF Tom 35 y/o My beautiful girl, Cassidy, 11 years old!!! Leukemia survivor!
MOMMY TO A BULLDOG
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[font="Comic Sans MS"]Aimye (35) married to Jay (35) my hero
One IVF/FET,IC miracle JT born 8/18/06
1 perfect Angel Forever missed 10/29/04
WLS 4/14/2008
Start weight: 280 Current: 176 Goal:130
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I'm so sorry. ((((Hugs)))) to both you and your family.
Both losses are terrible and can't be compared.
Good luck for your stitch removal. In no time your new bundle of joy will be here.
Do not rescusitate order has been issued 
When i lost aimee and dana my sil was preparing to have her twins at the same time...we were due about a week or so apart...weird but true...her babies were born about a month after our memorial service....
You and your family are in my prayers.
