Do you attend memorials for "angels"?

enits · 11-15-2005, 07:16 PM

My husband and I a received a letter from the hospital where I delivered and lost my baby in February. It's a letter telling/inviting us about their "angel tree" memorial services hosted by their labor and delivery staff and volunteers. They even want you to read a poem if you wish.

As soon as I saw the envelope, I started to tremble. And when I opened it and started reading it, I started to fall apart. In a way I am glad that the hospital has a program like this. On the other hand, it brought back bad memories for me. DH and I decided we're not going to attend. We're simply not ready yet. I know I'll start crying as soon as I see the Christmas tree with all the ornaments to symbolize all the babies and children who are no longer here. Perhaps next year we can go.

Do some of you attend events like the one I mentioned above?

nylittlejen · 11-15-2005, 07:28 PM

My close friend Kevin and his girlfriend lost their baby girl at about 22 weeks. He wears a silver band with his daughter's initials engraved in it and both him and his girlfriend attended the hospital's memorial service. It was understandably sad but he said it was so nice and thoughtful of the hospital that it made him feel better to attend. I hope this helps.

SheriKCMO · 11-15-2005, 11:13 PM

we do. it is hard but theraputic. you could just stop by for a few minutes if you want to take a look, but next year is fine too. there is so much love in that room, it is overwhelming, so it is hard to remain calm. but we are there for each other and for our babies, so it's worth it to me. ((hugs))

VivC · 11-16-2005, 02:50 AM

We don't attend these. I'm sure they would help us tremendously, and be a way to honor Rivi, but these things are ALWAYS held in the chapel across from the NICU, the chapel where we spent HOURS with Rivi's body, saying goodbye. There's no way I can ever go back in there.

((hugs)). If you go, I hope it helps you. If you don't, I hope you find some other ways to find peace.

Viv

Sneez · 11-16-2005, 02:52 AM

Our armed services ymca does a ceremony every December for the angels whether they are through m/c or those who were born. The lady in charge caught me at the right time a couple of years ago and talked me into coming to it. I will always treasure the little pink and blue votive candles that they lit during it for my babies and that I got to bring home, but it was much too soon for me and made it even harder for me for awhile after I went. I loved the ceremony, but I am just not one that is able to handle it right now that publicly. I find it easier to remember our angels amongst our family with special flowers we plant in the spring and little garden angels and things, plus their Christmas ornaments that I chose and had engraved on the years that I lost them. I am just not able to go to another cermony for this, especially around the holidays, anytime soon.

Gnzls924 · 11-16-2005, 06:43 PM

I received a letter from the priest (fr. alfredo)/church who blessed Matthew before we buried him at the cemetery. He said that Matthew, along with all other people who passed on in the past year, would be remembered at a mass on All Souls Day. I knew I was going to go, and wasn't sure if dh would go because he is muslim. So the night before, dh asked what time we were leaving. He said that he felt really comfortable at that church (the one we got married in) and with Fr. Alfredo.

All families were invited to bring a picture of their loved one who passed on and place them on the near the alter. I scanned Matthew's footprints and put them in a frame. It was very emotional for us to place his picture among the other people who have passed...so many lives that were cut short ...so many lives that were lived to the fullest...and then there was Matthew. It was very nice that they included him.

In the middle of the mass, his name was called and a candle was lit in his memory. We were asked to stand around the altar with our candle....just so many people. Needless to say, many tears were shed. And i didn't care who saw me. Then i realized that I was not alone in my grief...so many people missing loved ones. When i returned to the pew, my mom and DH had both been crying.

Although it was an emotional ceremony, I am so glad that we went.

enits · 11-18-2005, 12:36 AM

Thank you for sharing your stories. I really do hope that someday, DH and I will be strong enough to attend the ceremony. In the meantime, we'll continue to honor the memory of our babies in our own special way. Many thanks again.

kwannabee · 11-18-2005, 03:16 AM

Hi Enits. I went to mine...aimee and dana were born in feb and the memorial was in may...we went. The hospital social worker called me and asked if i could share somthing if we wanted to...i had actually showed a post i wrote here on sc and one of my nurses read it...its printed in the program even. The post is called I Miss My Babies...its on here somewhere dont know where anymore. I wrote it a week after our own memorial for the girls...just spilled my guts...

Anyway, there was a blessing, music, families shared their stories or spoke if they wanted and we had a candle lighting service. There were tears...i must admit...but i'm glad i went. And honestly i went on a binge at the food table afterwards...some serious stress eating when on.

Going was hard...i felt anxious and like i was about to keel over from my own racing andrenaline rush...but once it was over i felt calmer.

Im glad i went, but i hvent been to another one. For me personally i just felt that as their mommie i had to be there...it was for them not me. At least thats what i told myself at the time...i was afraid i'd regret it later if i didnt. Whatever works for you though...i'm sorry youre going through this...lots of hugs.