Do you ever feel like just being done with it all?

pennykandy · 09-14-2009, 07:53 PM

I just got yet another BFN.....this month marks one year of medical intervention. I feel like it has ruled my life this past year. All of our decisions are based on if we get pregnant, or if we don't get pregnant.

I'm at a point now where I feel like the pain of the BFNs is getting to be more than the pain of just making the decision to be done would be. Like if we just decided to be done we could move on with our lives. I could switch jobs (I've had that on hold so I don't give up my benefits) I could pursue weight loss surgery (on hold because I'm 35 and don't feel like I can put off TTC until after) We could turn the empty bedroom into the office (on hold to be the nursery) and i could just stop thinking about it.

I already have 2 children from a previous marriage, so I feel like I *could* be okay with that, if i were just to commit to it, kwim?

I've mentioned this to DH and he doesn't think I'll be able to do it, that after a week, i'll be back to TTC again.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

KaitlynH · 09-14-2009, 08:05 PM

YES!!!!! It's hard with days like today, but, with me at least, something always happens that gives me hope again... I'm just waiting on that something...

nicholenc · 09-14-2009, 10:05 PM

Yes!! I feel you. I have been trying for a year now with no medical intervention and this is my first cycle with medical intervention. I did Femara and Ovidrel injection. I don't think it happened this month and I am just so tired of every month getting the BFN. It is so depressing. Hand in there as I am trying to do.

SanSan · 09-14-2009, 10:10 PM

I am there with you ladies... I have been trying for just over a year and a half and nothing.. I just did 6 months of clomid and now I am not sure .. I live outside of the city so I don't know what step I want to do next I think I might just relax and take a break until after christmas.. but who knows if that will happen
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!

KaitlynH I am waiting for that something too!! LOL I think it needs to come quickly for everyone!

theOceanicSix · 09-14-2009, 10:46 PM

I don't feel like giving up TTC. I just feel like giving up with any meds and supplements. I'm sick of making sure I take them on time, sick of reading up on a million herbs wondering if just maybe I'll finally find the perfect one that will help me get pregnant, sick of taking my temp in the morning.
I just want to live life and if pregnancy happens, it happens.

jbolack · 09-15-2009, 12:49 AM

I have been there before. After 9 months of TTC with clomid and AI and talk of IVF but needing to loose some more weight before IVF and it got to the point where the frustrations were stressing me out and I took a year off. I am 34 now and my biological clock is killing me so we are trying again.

I do have a 15 year old son from a previous relationship and he is the love of my life and has allways been a son to my DH since my son was 3. but we still would like another baby. There are people around me who don't allways 'get' it. but its not allways something you can explaine so that others can understand.

Hang in there and if the stress is getting ya take a break. My Dr told me that the more I got stressed the harder it was gonna be for him to help us cause my body would be working that hard against me the more and more stressed I got.

kimmee · 09-15-2009, 01:06 AM

I'm in the same boat. I've been thinking about weight loss surgery (lap band), too....but, I think that at my age, I need try for a baby first, then go for the WLS. I know WLS will probably make it easier to get pregnant, but then I don't know how long it will take to recover to try and get pregnant. It's just a struggle...which is the best route to go, cause it's not like I have a lot of time left to TTC. If I were in my 20s, I'd go ahead with the WLS, but in my mid-30s? I think I need to wait...

jbolack · 09-15-2009, 01:26 AM

I thought about the WLS but I am 34, it would take 6 months of pre surgery requirements and classes and all the dance the insurance companies makes you do. By the time I have the surgery I will be turning 35, Then it takes time to loose weight even with the surgery. They say it's best to wait a few years... YEARS UGH! untill it is safe to TTC after something as body altering as WLS. Sooo that ruled WLS out because I'd be closer to 40 by the time I could start TTC again and who knows what my insurence is gonna be like then

Bruisen · 09-15-2009, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pennykandy
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All of our decisions are based on if we get pregnant, or if we don't get pregnant.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Yes, with the work situation, with the "spare room". I have turned down some career opportunities because I did not want the extra stress/ work hours with the role while I was pregnant...that was 18 months ago. I'm still kicking myself because it would have meant and extra 10K- 15K or more, not to mention the experience I could have gained.

I'd be interested to hear how others cope with this situation. Do you live life and make decisions like you are not TTC? or like it will happen next month?

lisafon09 · 09-15-2009, 11:58 AM

Yes... I'm there with you too. This is normal because there will be highs and lows. Seems like I've been on this rollercoaster forever. Then as Kaitlyn said, something happens to give me hope. When I think of watching my baby bump grow, fixing up the baby nursery and finally holding that precious bundle after birth I realize that I want it more than anything. That whatever pain I go through prior to it will have been well worth it when it finally happens. Hang in there...I'm saying this just as much to myself as I'am to you (sending you hugs).

mystik817 · 09-15-2009, 12:18 PM

DH and I set up a deadline. We already have one daughter and we don't want this TTC to become so obcessive that it takes time and energy away from her. So if we are not pg by end of November we are done. That's four cycles medicated, which is enough for me. If it wasn't for DD asking for a sister we may not have thought to try again. We just want her to have someone to grow up with and another baby to love.

But you seem to be in a different situation. Does your DH have kids of his own yet? That may be weighing on your mind or his. It's more delicate than just stop or continue. I pray you find the wisdom and courage to make the right decision for your family.

pennykandy · 09-15-2009, 01:04 PM

OMG, kimmie and jbolack.....those are my exact thoughts about the WLS.....but now that it's been a year, I think I could be post op and nearly ready to TTC again.....

Misty, DH does not have any bio kids of his own. He puts in all the work with my kids and is essentially their dad.....but I think he really wants to hear a child call him Dad, and to be involved from the beginning. Honestly, I don't think he'd be okay with being done, so I think in the end that will make the decision for us. I don't want to take that away from DH.

I just don't know how to live my life without this taking over....KWIM? I feel like we need to plan for when we do have a baby, be prepared. DH says we will deal with baby when it gets here, and trying to plan is just stressing me out. I know he's right, but it's so hard!

mystik817 · 09-15-2009, 01:33 PM

Penny- I don't think any of us can control TTC and how it takes over our lives. We can try and mitigate that take over, but TTC makes us emotional and hormonal... two things we have little control over. I think if we are organized and accept that somethings are out of our control than we can at least start to make decisions about TTC that can help us be in control of what we can (when to start and stop, the meds, the timing, the doctors, etc). The stuff we cannot control (BFN, BFP, women that get pg so quickly that upset us cysters, etc) we must let go as much as we can and let our bodies and God do the work.

ChaoticChris · 09-15-2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theOceanicSix
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I don't feel like giving up TTC. I just feel like giving up with any meds and supplements. I'm sick of making sure I take them on time, sick of reading up on a million herbs wondering if just maybe I'll finally find the perfect one that will help me get pregnant, sick of taking my temp in the morning.
I just want to live life and if pregnancy happens, it happens.

I couldn't have said it better myself. It's the daily grind that gets to me. I feel like giving up every month, but I just keep calling the office and asking for the next step.

As to WLS, I know that RNY patients are urged to wait 18 months before starting TTC, some as long as 24 months, although I know women who have done it after a year. Not sure about lap band.

jessietex · 09-15-2009, 04:32 PM

DH & I decided NOT to put much on hold while TTC, we refused to let TTC take over our lives. Easier said then done, I know, but it worked for us. For instance, shortly after I finished decorating our 2nd guest bedroom which will be the baby's room, I got my bfp. I didn't have WLS, but I did lose close to 40 lbs over the past few years. I was completely determined to get in the best shape possible, and in June I was at the lower level of a my healthy weight range & felt great. I had 4 pack abs- ha, not 6, but 4!! Anyway, my point is that once I really focused on me being healthy the bfp happened. I think we all need to find other things to focus on, for me it was being in great shape, because TTC easily takes over our lives. I didn't want to live that way. Good luck, I really hope everyone gets their bfp soon!!!!