i dont know if i just am the odd one out, or if i have not dealt with it, but i hurt the same now, as i did the day i lost my baby. no better, just the same, like i am stuck. it will sneak up on me, i will be sittign there, and i will start to cry. and i will cry, uncontrlibly, for a hour. im just not getting over this, and i dont know why, or how. if i try to talk to my mom, she just tells me i need to get over it, and i know DH is sick of hearing about it. over, and over, and over.
how long sis it take you to "get over it"? how? i am just at a loss of what to do.
thank you
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Yeah, I refer back to my advice on when others don't understand or help, or seem to care. Others do NOT understand, and some people are incapable of caring about much, other than themselves.
You have us all here, and we all can understand, relate, and share your pain. I still cry all the time, for both of my sons that I lost. It still hurts now as much as it did then. But before, I was only hurt...now I'm hurt, angry, depressed, raging mad. I think it's harder now than it was before.
Everyone heals in their own time, and NOBODY "gets over it". I hate that term. Nobody, not anyone who is human, will EVER 'get over it' and go through life without every thinking of the babies they lost. You don't do that, you simply learn to live with it. I haven't been able to do that yet, but some ladies here have. It's hard, it takes time, lots of time.
Don't like people rush you.
And be sure to show them what I wrote, so they can remember that when something happens to them.
*hugs* GL and keep crying if you need to, no harm in that...
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
thank you for your reply i am glad to know i am not the only one who feels like this.
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You are not the only one. I think we all feel like this. Not until something bad happens to you do you realize the darkness of others around you. Thankfully, there is somewhere to turn for comfort and support, and we're always here when you need us. I think knowing that we're not alone in our losses, that helps the most. Knowing that someone actually DOES understand, and DOES care. Realizing there are humane people left in this world, it's something I've come to cherish. I'm currently trying to invent the emphathy gun. Shoot someone with it, and it forces them to feel what you feel.
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
I'm currently trying to invent the emphathy gun. Shoot someone with it, and it forces them to feel what you feel.
lol!!! sign me up, i will buy the first one!
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Laura,It does get better but it never goes away. However I think you sort of answered your own question, in order to feel better you need to grieve and go through it, and that is very hard to do when those you love are telling you to "get over it". Come here and vent as often as you need to, but you might also want to find a therapist or support group because sometimes you need people who are right there. Also, there is no shame in taking medication if you think your emotions are stuck on permanent sadness, sometimes with a great grief like this the chemicals in our brain get stuck, medication can unstick you and let you continue to move forward through the grief process. There is NOTHING wrong with needing to cry sometimes still though, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Aviva
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((Laura)). I still have whole stretches of awful days. I KNOW that therapy has kept me sane...please consider it.
We're always here to listen. I hope you find some peace.
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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(((Hugs)))
It takes time, give yourself plenty. I'll never "get over it", and no mother who has lost a child would tell you such a thing. Unfortunately it sounds like you need to turn to others besides family when you are dealing with your loss. I'm sorry about that.
Take care.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Laura, You are absolutely not alone. I went through the most severe depression of my life after my second MC. I am still in a lot of pain, but I do feel better (if you can really call it that). The pain I feel for the losses isn't gone, not by any means. but I've started doing some things to get out of my depression. I'll share them with you, if it can be of some help.
1. As soon as I start to have negative thoughts... like I'll never have children, I'm a failure, I literally say to myself. "Stop this nonsense right now!!!" I still have moments when I get into self pity sessions, but I definitely have fewer negative thoughts now.
2. I take a 30 min walk around the neightborhood every evening before dinner.
3. I knit.
5. I participate in this forum.
I talked to my NP about my depression and will do therapy and meds, if I fall back into the depression again. For now I'm ok. I hope you will seek help if you feel overwhelmed. Take care.
Nani
__________________ Me 31 DH 31
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MC#1 Blighted ovum 1/05 (8-10 wks)
MC#2 4/05 (5-6 wks)
Elevated Homocysteine (11.4)
MTHFR 677CT Heterozygous
I have often said, earlier in my grief process, that you never "get over it." I've come to know now that it becomes part of you. Others will continue to live their lives like nothing has happened, but for you it will be different. It will take time to move past the pain of your loss. The crying will come and go...and maybe lessen in the future. But once that happens, it doesn't mean you are over it.
People (my friends and family) just tick me off when they think it's just that easy. I choose to ignore them. At one point, I even asked someone would they be able to "get over it" if it was their child....and I point out one of their kids. I ask them can you imagine a life without them? Of course, they say they would be devastated. So I asked this person to put themselves in my shoes. I told them, yes, i am grieving, but i will always have to live with the loss of what could have been. It will always be with me. How can you get over something like that.
We understand you and what you will continue to go through. We are here for you whenever you need us. This website has been a Godsend for me.
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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Everyone heals in their own time, and NOBODY "gets over it". I hate that term. Nobody, not anyone who is human, will EVER 'get over it' and go through life without every thinking of the babies they lost. You don't do that, you simply learn to live with it. I haven't been able to do that yet, but some ladies here have. It's hard, it takes time, lots of time. Don't let people rush you.
Renee (and all the ladies on this thread) are SO right. It does get better (at least it has for me) but each person has their own timetable for grief; every experience is unique and every person is unique. My first loss was in August 2004; my low point was in late November / early December 2004. One morning I woke up and said to myself "I can't live like this anymore" and that was it, it was like the sun had suddenly come up. Right after that I had another very loss, which was very upsetting, but I was determined NOT to be like that again. In early February, I finally decided to look into taking an anti-depressant, which also helped somewhat. It didn't change my life, but it did take the edge off things.
We are ALL here anytime you need to chat, talk or vent. We have a unique bond and we are all here for you.
Renee, I am second in line to buy the empathy gun. Thanks for posting the link to your other thread; I am going to check that out shortly.
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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I think that, sometimes, when people say you need to "get over it"... they don't really mean that they want you to forget. I think they really are just saying "I want you to be happy again." I thought about this because my dad said that to me last weekend. I asked him to clarify because I know he loves me and Gabriel and is grieving as well, and he said he didn't mean that he wanted me to forget or to stop grieving. He just hopes for me that I will get to the point of learning to live with it and that it will be easier for me.
Renee, I LOVE your idea of the empathy gun! Think of the problems in this world that could be solved with a little bit of empathy!!!
skyler, I just wanted to add, as others have, that sometimes it does seem like it just happened, that the pain is even worse than it was when I left the hospital without my baby. It takes a while for the full impact of the loss to sink in.
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
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Thank you all for replying. I have been trying to get up the curage to see a threipist, but i dont like them, they scare me, lol.0it makes me feel so good to know that i am not the only one who is like this. (ok, i wish NONE of us did, but you know what i mean) thank you all so much
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Here's an article I posted from Reader's Digest.... http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php?t=129176&highlight=ettiquette+grief . I loved it. It has been almost 10 years since I lost my first babies. There are moments when I am paralized with grief for their loss now. Even my DH can not understand this long term grief. Now that I have my son people (even my DH) act as if I don't have the right to be sad about the babies I lost. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to be sad anymore. Truthfully, I think your grief shows how much love you have to give
does it EVER get any better??? 
Thanks for posting the link to your other thread; I am going to check that out shortly.
