Does it make me a bad Mother...

Stacy48060 · 10-03-2009, 12:17 PM

If i choose to bottle feed instead?
I know all the pros of breastfeeding but to be honest if our Daughter is anything like my Husband when he was a baby i would have her attached to me 24 hrs a day almost. My Daughter will have almost my 100% attention. But how do i care for the house and take care of the animals too if i have to feed her every hr or so? And what about when we go out? Do i want to be one of those Mothers breastfeeding in the cafe with a blanket over us? I just have a feeling that if i am constantly breastfeeding her then i will get super depressed after she is born. I don't know.

The reason i want to bottle feed is because she is already a big baby and i bet she will have a big appetite. If she is anything like her Mommy and Daddy she will lol. When i am in the hospital if i am exhausted and need sleep (i won't get it at home) her Daddy, our family and even the nurses can always bottle feed her. I want Chris to be able to hold her and feed her and not be robbed of that bonding experience. If i am super sick in the middle of the night Chris could sometimes feed her as well. Now if she was a preemie and of low birth weight i would definitely want to nurse her. But i dunno..... Mom's here i am again asking for advice. But please also see my side of things.

agclo · 10-03-2009, 12:28 PM

You have to do what is best for you. There are going to be people who judge you either way. I had people make comments to me because I was bottle feeding, even though I tried to breast feed and had no milk. You know what is best for you and your family. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for making a decision that is right for you.

c.a.rogers · 10-03-2009, 12:29 PM

Since you know all of the pros I won't lecture you... Just make an educated choice. Something to think about you could always try and if it does not work for you it does not work. I don't think that you would be a bad mom if you decided not to.

Carol

coobeastie.com · 10-03-2009, 12:45 PM

I think it's all a personal choice. I understand about wanting your DH to get to feed the baby and bond, but you could always pump if you choose to breastfeed. It's a great bonding experience between baby and mother if you breastfeed, though. I would at least give it a try in hospital. I did it for DS's first four months, and he was pretty demanding, which is one of the reasons I stopped. It was nice to be able to just wake up at night and feed him instead of having to prepare a bottle.

No matter what you do, you probably won't have time to get the housework done, lol. My DS is almost 2 and I'm still struggling with getting things done.

khopefullysoon · 10-03-2009, 01:03 PM

It defo dees not make you a bad mother what so ever ,it would be worse if you were stressed while bf cause your child can sense the stress.So good luck and do what you thinks best
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Im sure your a super mother,if people say anything to you tell them to mind there own buisness LOL....................

Anonykat · 10-03-2009, 01:15 PM

Quote:

There are going to be people who judge you either way.

Too true. It's so stupid. Is breastfeeding in general better for the baby? Yes. Is it better for the baby if doing so is going to spiral mom into an awful case of PPD? No, it isn't. Feed her when she's hungry, regardless of whether breast or bottle, change her when she needs it, hold her, cuddle her, and just love that baby to pieces, and you will be a good mom. Tell anyone who says otherwise to shut their piehole.

khopefullysoon · 10-03-2009, 01:17 PM

LOL Anon HERE HERE tell them to shut there piehole
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battlingPCOS · 10-03-2009, 01:19 PM

Definitely doesn't make you a bad mom and it's a personal choice, but I'm not really following your reasoning. You'll be tending to the baby constantly, whether you are BFing or not. Not like you can hand a newborn a bottle and go do some vacuuming. Actually, probably better chance that you could let her BF while in a carrier/sling and you'd have your hands free. Also, like a PP said, you could pump and have all the advantages of bottle feeding if you want to use breastmilk. Don't worry about what others think. Lots of people judge BFing moms too, seeing them as a nuisance when they need to BF outside the home. Just do what's right for you.

smeets88 · 10-03-2009, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by battlingPCOS
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Definitely doesn't make you a bad mom and it's a personal choice, but I'm not really following your reasoning. You'll be tending to the baby constantly, whether you are BFing or not. Not like you can hand a newborn a bottle and go do some vacuuming. Actually, probably better chance that you could let her BF while in a carrier/sling and you'd have your hands free. Also, like a PP said, you could pump and have all the advantages of bottle feeding if you want to use breastmilk. Don't worry about what others think. Lots of people judge BFing moms too, seeing them as a nuisance when they need to BF outside the home. Just do what's right for you.

Well said, and if you change your mind, DO NOT be ashamed to feed your baby in public!!!!!!!!!! Don't let that hold you back either. YES, you will be one of those mothers with a blanket over the both of you, and BE PROUD OF IT! Where the heck in time did it become a sex act to feed your child?????
I BF my son for the first month before my milk disappeared. :-( But, i tried and i'm proud of that. I must say, i really thought i was easier to BF than use a bottle. You have 24/7 warm milk handy! You don't even have to get out of bed and make bottles in the middle of the night ;-) I personally think there are more pros to BF than bottle, in more ways that just health to the baby (and mommy). But like PP said, it's ultimately your choice, and you shouldn't be judged for it :-)

supermouse · 10-03-2009, 02:03 PM

Of course not!

If you want to give nursing a try, go for it, and if it's not your cup of tea, don't worry about it. You can do both too---nurse, and/or pump and give breast milk in a bottle, and also formula feed for other feedings. I have twins, and I needed help with overnight feedings--which meant they had to eat from bottles, so others could feed them. They did get breast milk for the 1st month, but I didn't have enough for both exclusively, so they got formula too, and they are fine. They are well bonded to both DH and I, and they are very social, and will happily take a bottle from anyone (friends, grandparents, daycare lady).

Don't beat yourself up for your choices--you do what is best for you and your family and don't worry about what others think.

Fleegle4 · 10-03-2009, 04:32 PM

No. You are not a bad mother if you bottle feed. Each of the concerns you raised could be something you dealt with as a "wait and see how it goes" if you really want to try, but reading between the lines, I think fundamentally you would prefer not to. And that's okay. And don't apologize here or anywhere else if that's what you choose to do.

One option you can do is always bottle feed, but pump your milk so that at least part of the bottles contain breast milk. That's what I did. I never made enough to feed my son all the way, but he would have one or two bottles a day with breast milk. That has the advantages of bottlefeeding and breastmilk.

No matter what you do, though, you will be tired, stressed, but also bonded with your child. I have never figured out what the deal is with saying you won't bond with your child properly if you don't breast feed. What, you feed a baby with a bottle via remote control or something? You also may get 'super depressed' if you bottle feed -- everyone gets hit differently with all the hormones going through their body combined with the lack of sleep. So I would start out following whatever path you think you would like to follow in terms of raising your child, but just be open to changing things up if that turns out not to work for you.

Good luck.

*Jenny* · 10-03-2009, 04:38 PM

Maybe you could try to do both so both you and your husband get the bonding experience. I plan on breastfeeding as much as possible for my baby because I believe that's what's best for her, but that's just me.

JoyannaWants2BaMommy · 10-03-2009, 05:15 PM

i don't think you'll be a bad mom b/c of that. i already know i am not going to be able to BF b/c of the meds i take say not to breastfeed. and i can't come off them so, i will be formula feeding. i am already hearing peoples bs about taking meds during pregnancy and not breastfeeding. it's none of their business anyway.

JoyannaWants2BaMommy · 10-03-2009, 05:17 PM

and there is a lot worse things out there you could do besides not breastfeeding. there are alot of horrible parents out there, and it goes way beyond how they feed them. so don't feel like you're gonna be some bad mama, i don't.

soonermomma03 · 10-03-2009, 05:53 PM

The size of a baby at birth has nothing to do with how much they will or won't eat. And really, any weight estimates while you are pregnant are just that. I've been told with each of my pregnancies that my babies were big...Kenley is my biggest at 8 lbs. 8.6 oz. Not big by any means.

Evie nursed for 5-10 minutes at the very most, every 2-3 hours. Yes, when she was going through a growth spurt, she would nurse more often. Lainey was bottle fed after she was 6 days old, and she would take as much time to eat her bottles as Evie would to nurse, and she was eating every 2-3 hours due to reflux. For me, bottlefeeding was harder than BFing overall.

As for feeding in public, any kind of feeding, as long as you are feeding your baby, BM or Formula, who cares how it's being done. When your kid is in kindergarten, I promise the teach won't be sitting there thinking, Ryan was bottlefed, Katie was BF, and she's SO much more intelligent. If you want to BF, you can do it in public, either with a blanket over your baby's head, or you can do it without and still be very discreet, not showing anything. If this is something you want to do, I would practice in front of a mirror or with your DH or someone watching to let you know if/when they see something.

For me, BFing is so much easier than bottles. Nothing extra to carry around, here we can't drink the tap water so I would have to carry water with me as well. Others feel that bottles are so much easier than BFing. It's really something that only you can decide for yourself.