does that make me a pathetic person???

sabreena · 09-06-2003, 09:41 AM

Hi Girls,
I feel really pathetic, I broke up with my ex bf about 10 months ago, but i just cant seem to get him out of my head.
He was the best relationship i have ever had, but there was one problem. MY WEIGHT!!!!
he wanted me to loose the weight, dont get me wrong he wasnt a bad person, he was very supportive and loving and tactile, he was always full of compliments and always used to say that you are the prettiest girl i have ever been with...
you just have to loose weight and you will look stunning..
I knew that i had the weight problem and so i promised him that i will loose the weight.
I lost a stone but then i put it back on again...

and then eventually after about 6 months we decided to break up, it was him who said that we should take a break.
2 months later he was allready ready to date and i felt really awfull, i felt as if he couldnt wait to move on..
and the thing is we were still sleeping together...
we tried to stay frienns but we always ended up sleeping together, so decided to stop seeing each other.
the weird thing is he is a very ordinary looking guy, probably the least attractive man i have ever been with..
I dont understand?!!
I am confused why cant i get over him???
its been 10 months you know, does that make me a pathetic person???
what am i going to do???
I did a lot of stupid things and behaved like a fool and an idiot for a while and made things even worse..
I caused him a lot of pain coz i wanted to take revenge, now we are at a point where he has made it clear that he does not want to be friends anymore...
I am heart broken i dont know what to do???
Sabreena x

bandanna · 09-06-2003, 10:00 PM

i think he is not that wonderful at all. if he's so great, why does he insist that you lose the weight to look stunning? he should like you for who you are. unless of course an individual does not take pride in themselves and just let themselves go. however, in your case, your weight issue has a medical reason and so he shouldn't really insist.

sabreena · 09-07-2003, 11:44 AM

Hi Bandana,
that is the problem, i know he wasn't that great, but he did have his qualities, he was the nicest man i ever met.
I know that sounds sad...
but I just cant stop tinking about him, probabaly to do witht he fact that i dont really have much self esteem...
sabreena

cmdecoskey · 09-07-2003, 12:40 PM

Sabreena,

I am sorry about your breakup. It sounds like you really cared about this guy but he was worried about other things rather than how much you cared for one another. Sometimes, no matter what you look like, it will be difficult in a relationship but if you can't make it through that with communication, compassion and respect then it is time for you both to move on. As for a friendship, that would be great if you could both stop sleeping with one another and focus on each other...you never know... a great relationship may develop and you will find that love you are looking for. My husband and I were friends before we started dating and it was great...still is...we have been together for 7 years and through some really tough times but we have stayed together and worked things out...if you really want this relationship work at it together.

Chris

SoulDoctor · 09-09-2003, 01:37 PM

Sorry to hear about your breakup...those are never fun to go through, huh? Some guys can be mean with their requests without even knowing that they are sounding like that while others geniunely care for you and want to see you lose the weight for more reasons than just appearance. It sounds like since you two were still sleeping together but were not "together" in the whole sense of the word, he moved on faster than you think. That says a lot about his character. Don't let your frustrations and sadness overwhelm you and undo all the hard work you have done thus far...get a good support group of friends, go out for an activity or two, exercise and eat right and know that you are taking charge of your life, etc. You can do it...

sabreena · 09-10-2003, 02:01 PM

Hi Every one,
Thankyou for replying, I am feeling a lot better these days, i started a Beauty therapy course this year about two weeks ago and it is going really well so far..
I am thoroughly enjoying it, I am at a point now where I dont think about him that much...
Only some times at night...
Or when i see a loving couple holding hands i sigh and think about him, but i know that i shouldnt be thinking about him..
I am sure it will come with time.
I think the thing that annoyed me the most in the whole situation was the fact that I thought if any one i will be the one to finish this relationship coz he was very ordinary looking and i thought if any one it will be me who eventually finishes with him..
I have never really been rejected before and when i was rejected by a very ordinary looking guy, I was hurt!!!
I suppose it was my ego that was really hurt more than any thing else..
I know this sounds really shallow but thats the way i felt..
once again thank you all for replying...
It made me feel a lot better..
sabreena x

AmericanWoman · 09-11-2003, 03:21 PM

You invested a lot of your time and soul into him girly...no wonder it is hard to let him go! I am proud of you for moving on...go on and explore who you are! Let him go so that your heart is fully ready to embrace someone else...somebody else who can love you WITHOUT conditions...that is what "unconditional love" is.
NO list or requirments to meet. Ex may have had wonderful qualities but it is not a loving thing to love by requirements that they hafta fulfill. Hope this makes sense.

sabreena · 10-13-2003, 02:16 PM

Hi Everyone,
I just want to say thankyou for all your replies, I am always up and down one day I am feeling ok and the next I feel really down.
But i suppose thats an imrovement cos when I initially posted this post I was always really really down.
I hope Its ok for me to add you onto my friends list?
sabreena