Don't know where to start

Anderia · 10-03-2006, 02:02 AM

Ok here is my story...

My sister is giving me the option of adpoting the baby she is now PG with. She was going to have an abortion because she do not want anymore kids. Well I asked her about adopting the baby because I just couldn't take the ideal of abortion. Well when I asked her she said she would have to think about it because she didn't want to be PG for nine months. So I told her to just think about it for me. And a few days ago she said that she would let me adpot the child and do to whatever I had to make things final at the birth of the child...but I don't even know where to start or being

Any help would be nice
Thanks!

so-tired · 10-03-2006, 03:06 AM

Hey! Adopting from family definitely has advantages... and disadvantages.

Even tho it's family you still have to get paperwork, homestudy, and possibly go thru an agency (every state has different laws). I have heard florida has pretty good laws for adoption. Each state can be so radically different so I'm sorry I am not able to help much.

I think it's great that your sister is willing to do this. Is the father on board as well? It's a tough balancing act when you don't want to smother the birthmoms too much and take care of them (and your soon to be baby) and making sure to remain as active as you want and need to be.

Much luck! I am happy to talk or give any advice I can.

Anderia · 10-03-2006, 03:36 AM

Well my sister doesn't know where the dad is..so will that be a problem?
I feel like I have ten million questions running through my head...
I would still have to go through an agency even though its a in family adoption? We have a family and children services, I guess I will have to call them...I really don't know

~Traci~ · 10-03-2006, 05:10 AM

Here is a link to some information about adopting from relative (or adopting relatives): http://relative.adoption.com/

You will definately have to go through someone (either an adoption attorney or agency) for a legal adoption. You also want to cover all your bases & make sure the birth father can't come back years later to claim his child. Does your sister know who the birth father is or not? If she knows who he is, you can search for him (through a private investigator, etc). Personally, I wouldn't go in to an adoption if I didn't know who the birth father was b/c there are too many adoption disrupted b/c the birth father wasn't disclosed or the grandparents, etc.

Good Luck!
Traci

Anderia · 10-03-2006, 05:17 PM

Thanks for the info hun! I really do apperciated. I guess I will have to call a lawyer or something and see where I need to start. For me it's really driving me crazy. What if something happen and I'm not able to get the child in the end...than someone else does.....I just want to do everything right so there will be no issues....aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...ok I'm clam...lol

Miss-Meme · 10-03-2006, 07:55 PM

I just wanted to wish you good luck. How far along is she? I would call a lawyer and see what to do first.

Join us here ~~adoption~~ to talk about your match!!

One tattered Angel · 10-04-2006, 09:39 AM

Anderia congrats on the desission to go into adoption. It can be so overwelming at times but what a neat experience you will have.

As you may know from the other threads we adopted Joshua when he was alittle over a year thru our local FosterCare program. We lucked out and got him when he was a little over 1 day old. It is amazing to me he just turned 4 yrs a few weeks ago. My how time flies.

Anyhow we had a home study done for another child thru fostercare that didnt work out and although it was current we could not use it because it was directly associated with this little boy including names ect. We decided to go thru our local adoption services after that and about half way thru they decided that they didnt want to use our homestudy ect( they would lose money) and we started getting bills for unnessasary paperwork we allready had. When we questioned them they told us they didnt want us going thru their program and unfortunently they kept $2000.00 and we got no where. We decided since adopting elsewhere was going to cost way more than we had we turned to some friends that had adopted thru fostercare and our journey began.

Before I go into another thing I also wanted to give you a little heads up. The sooner you guys can get on the ball and get things started before the baby is born the better. We had 2 FAMILY adoptions fall thru because the paperwork wasnt started #1. Because we thought we had to start it after the baby was born (lived in another state) #2. Twins were born very premature and mom and dad were taken into NICU as a mix up and changed their minds.

When we got Joshua things just seemed to fall into place. The B/M a (prostitute)has no clue who the B/F is so when we went to court the state said they would go by the guy the B/M was married to at the time. He didnt want anything to do with a baby so he immediataly signed his rights away.
I guess sometimes the state will do that.

Ive got allot jumbled in my head because I am so excited you guys are looking into adoption. I hope I am making sence.

Anyhow I think if I were you I would first contact the state(social services) you and the birth mom live in. You dont have to give names to find answers either just so you know in advance. Then ask if they have a list of attourneys that they go thru day to day. Ours gave us a list of names but we had to call around and see who was cheaper ect.(They cant recommend anyone in paticular). It was amazing when calling what each charged. In our case we were told between $3000.oo all the way down to $750.oo It deffenently was worth the calling around. Once the adoption was finalized a few weeks later we were reinbursed for the adoption expense because of the adoption Tax credit law.

Well I hope I didnt scare you guys in any way. Not my intentions. Anyways I hope to continue hearing from you on this new adventure in your lives. Keep me posted and if you are ever needing anything or have questions please feel free to PM me or leave your phone number and I can call you.

Have a great night. Love-Lesia

Anderia · 10-04-2006, 04:18 PM

Thank you ladies so much for the great information...

As the news was great when I was asked...it has been taken away already. Well I called my sister to get the update on how she was and she told me that she was able to contact the guy that was the father and he doesn't want to give up his birth rights and he also wants to keep the child so....that leaves me...I don't know where. I really don't know what to do next..I should not be surprised because this is not the first time this has happen to me. Each time it is disappointing but honestly I can't really get mad at someone because they want to keep their own child. I can just move on...

Thanks for the info ladies...I really am greatful for it....I just don't know where I go from here

Miss-Meme · 10-04-2006, 07:47 PM

I'm sorry. (((HUGS)))

One tattered Angel · 10-04-2006, 09:32 PM

Sweetie I am sorry. Hugs to you both. Maybe this is the time you both can start looking into the diffrent type adoptions there are out there and see if this is what you both want to do. Then start emailing or writing diffrent agencies and request a adoption packet. This way you recieve the information at home and go thru it whenever you have the time. Also I have been on this site periodically and the thread... Sticky :Adoption Resorces has allot of helpful info. Also check into fostercare. There are so many children out there needing good homes. If you go to....http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/wa...hotolists.html
you can search the children allready available and you may see that special someone that is ment to be yours also. Just from my experience in the fostercare program here in Fairbanks there are not allot of African Americans fosterhomes available for children so they end up getting put mainly in all cacasian homes which is fine but I think it is kinda ummm a shock to the child if they have never been outside of their race if that makes any sence. I have a story about a little girl who came to use at the age of 7. One day I will have to tell you about her. She was a riot.

ANyhow if you need anything else let me know. Love ya girl. Love-Lesia