Don't think a +htp is in our future - questions about adoption
I've known since highschool that I would have problems conceiving. No, a doctor didn't tell me that - call it women's intuition I guess.
DH and I have been ttc #1 since April 03 - 10 or 11 months now. Add his male factor to my PCOS and I've started to resign myself to the fact that we might not have a biological child.
I've looked at many of the adoption links posted and they have been helpful, but I have a question for those of you who have adopted and been through the process.
#1. Are we too young? DH will turn 26 this year - I will turn 27.
#2. Will DH need to finish his undergrad before we start this process? He has 1 1/2 years left. I will complete my M.Ed this May. DH also works full time for a large international computer company.
#3. We own a townhome - will we have a better chance if we own a single family unit?
#4. Did anyone have problems convincing DH that this was the way to go? DH wants us to wait until we are in our mid-30's to consider adoption. I don't want to put my body through all that testing for the next 5-7 years.
In answer to your questions....no I don't think you are too young. That might be a big plus to some potential birth parents, you know, hoping to place their child with young parents. Just a thought...but I wouldn't give up hope on having a bio child just yet. It takes many couples up to a year to concieve, even if there is no fertility problem.
It's up to you about dh finishing his schooling. School's hard enough when there's only two of you and adding another person (a little person who demands alot of attention and time!) might be that much harder. Just depends on what you guys feel you can handle. No one else can answer that question for you!
I don't think they care if you own a town home. They are just looking to make sure you have room for a child. Each agency is different, but I'm sure having a townhouse isn't a problem.
I had a hard time convincing dh at first--he was ready to try a third cycle of IVF before moving on, but he finally came around to the idea. He realized we both wanted to be parents more than be pregnant. WE may try another cycle of IVF in future and until then, we will probably not prevent a pregnancy, but I'm not adding any fertility meds to the mix. Whatever happens, happens. But it doesn't matter. We have Luke now and he is the light of our lives. And let me tell you, dh absolutely adores ds. He is deployed right now and so I send him pics of ds by email. Last night, dh said that his heart just about can't take looking at his boy because he misses him so much.
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Thanks Spookycyster for the information. I don't think school will be an issue for DH - he seems to be able to balance things well. I was just concerned that adoption agencies would take issue with us if he didn't have a degree yet.
I have another question for those of you who have adopted- or perhaps I'm just thinkin out loud regarding finances. We could afford to go the adoption route with some careful planning - but it would be tight. Was money a concern for any of you? Part of me wonders what right DH and I would have to adopt if forking out money is a concern. Strange logic I guess, because raising a child, whether from birth or through adoption costs money. Having enough money doesn't concern me if we were to have a biological child because we have excellent insurance coverage for birth costs, etc - and money will be spread out. Laying down the costs for adoption does concern me a bit simply because I like the feeling that comes with paying all the bills and having extra money left over - not living paycheck to paycheck.
I don't feel like DH and I should be asking for money from family or friends to finance adoption - my thinking is that if we are unable to afford adoption with our money, then we are probably not financially fit enough to raise a child.
Did anyone else have this concern? Did you equate financial security with good parenting in your head? If you financed it on your own, did you already have enough money put aside to pay for adoption costs outright, or did you save for a long time after deciding to go the adoption route? I'm sort of rambling right now I guess. Sorry. I think I may have just answered my own question. I guess we need to start saving more money before we go this route. I will feel better if we can lay it out rather than financing it.
Since you are concerned about finances--- Are you only interested in finding a newborn to adopt? Because adopting children who are available in the foster care system can be very low-cost or sometimes free, plus in many instances you can get a monthly stipend until the child is 18. If you might be able to consider that option, there are some websites in the Adoption Resources post at the top of this forum that you should check out. I am in the process of adopting right now, and my agency's services are entirely free. I'm seeking a child between 4 and 14.
I've looked at that (adopting older children)- and I'm not opposed to adopting an older child - not sure how DH will feel about it though. He's not at the point where he's really even thinking about adoption - though he's perfectly content to continue with medical treatments and the stress and disappointment each month that AF comes.
My only concern about adopting an older child is that we then don't have as long to build up a college savings account for them. I suppose that really is second to giving a child a family to love and that loves him/her. Just stuff I worry about.
I'll start researching the foster care system. Maybe if I just start leaving this information around DH will pick it up and start reading it out of curiousity. That way he can have it be "his idea" some day.
Yes, that's what I was going to suggest next--- hit the used bookstores online (like powells.com) and get some researching going, then leave the books around the house for him to consider at his leisure. I have read Adopting the Hurt Child, The Limits of Hope (kind of scary but tells you what to watch out for as far as less-enlightened social workers, etc.), books by the author Melina but I forget the titles right now... and other books... Anyhow...
By the way, I am a guidance counselor and have helped send plenty of kids to college, almost none with any college funds saved up by family. There is plenty of financial aid out there, and I encourage you to not let that be a reason that you not consider older kids.
Don't think a +htp is in our future - questions about adoption 
