Down in the dumps

Jaclyn1120 · 07-22-2004, 11:47 PM

I've just been really sad, i got fired 2 weeks ago for calling in sick only one time at my new job-cuz i was really sick and possibly may have lupus- ive been on so many interviews and have heard nothing- its just so frustrating.. i just wanna cry all the time -i feel like the biggest bum

bluedragonfly2000 · 07-26-2004, 10:57 PM

I just wanted to respond to your post. I am sorry that you lost your job and that you havent found a new one yet. How is your job search going now? It is very hard and frustrating at times looking for work. Just try and hang in there,
take care and stay safe,
Mel

enchanted1 · 07-27-2004, 12:49 AM

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I, too, am looking for a new job and the depression that goes with PCOS is not helping at all. I know how you feel. I have been looking for a job for months to no avail. In fact, today I had some really bad thoughts. Sometimes, it seems like the world would be a better place without me in it.

Jaclyn1120 · 07-29-2004, 12:22 AM

ks ladies- i found a job but that hasnt made me feel better- some days are a little ok and other days i feel like im hollow-and i hide it all and smile and laugh and blah blah blah-sometimes i really wish i was dead

Jodiedahl · 07-29-2004, 01:25 AM

Hi Jaclyn !

****SI*******

I have a similar situation, only my teaching job got reduced to half-time. I have been driving myself up the wall trying to figure out what i did wrong- I am sure they are picking on me becasue I didn't have the best year last year!

I have cut myself twice in the past week and if my pdoc or therapist finds out- I have to go inpatient. The only way they will find out is if they ask me directly (I can't lie) but I am very good about omitting the bad days if they don't ask. I have to meet with my case manager tomorrow and don't know if I should tell her that I am not doing well?

Jaclyn1120 · 07-29-2004, 01:28 AM

you know what i cut myself for the first time the other night-i dont know why i did it but ill never do it again it just made me feel worse. i didnt tell anyone but my boyfriend saw and freaked out- its a hard decision to make if it depend on you needing to be inpatient- but it is best that you watch out 4 your safety- maybe you need a little break you know? you never know- inpatient can be whats best for you
you can aim me jickaboonyc or msn me jickaboo@hotmail. com
thats me email address too...
hope to hear from you

whats ***SI**** ?

TickledPink · 07-29-2004, 01:30 AM

(((((()))))) big hugs!

I am very sorry your feeling down, I really know how that feels!

I too have lost a job in the past due to my illness, some bosses just don't understand. I know they need people who are really dependable, but it still hurts.

Take care....

Jodiedahl · 07-29-2004, 01:39 AM

sorry... "SI" is self-injury I belong to a self injury web board and that's what we use to let people know that we will be talking about SI - in case that triggers some to do more.

I've been cutting on and off since I was 15 (37 now) it got really bad last year and I was put inpatient for nine days- it is not fun having the police come and get you and take you in. I would be smart to let them know what's going on and tell them whenI needed inpatient - but that's really hard for me to admit...you know the routine....smile and noone knows how bad you feel!

Jaclyn1120 · 07-29-2004, 01:41 AM

how about going to the center and voluntarily checking in?

Jodiedahl · 07-29-2004, 01:51 AM

I am really hoping that my case manager will notice how I feel and call my doctor for me!! I have a very hard time talking to doctors on the phone. I live 80 miles from the nearest psych ward and I'm afraid if I call my doc they will send the police again.

I might go in if it gets worse!

bluedragonfly2000 · 07-29-2004, 03:39 AM

Jodie- I am sorry to hear about the si its hard when it happens. You know whats best for you and you need to just follow your gut. Do you need someone to talk to about something? Are you running away from feelings/confrontations etc.? Do you need a break? Do you need to take a few days to go inpatient to get yourself back together?
You need to ask for help when you need it and not try to get others to notice because they might not and then that might do you more harm than good. I hope that makes sense I am sort of sleepy.
I use to self harm and wanted people to notice when I was in need of help. It took me a very long time to ask for help when I need it but it is possible
Please take care of yourself and stay safe,
Mel

Jodiedahl · 07-29-2004, 03:58 AM

it's about 1am here - but I am scared to go to bed because I think about suicide too much. I fantasize about people finding me, or doctors finding out that I overdosed on past prescriptions, blah, blah, blah

I just want someone to make important deciosions for me. We are in financial ruins - cannot pay our august bills. I need to ask my parents to help us out- but
i hate to....they still have to take care of me which really bites. I know if I go in I can straighten some things out- but to admit that I need to go in is impossible for me. ...another decision I want someone else to make!

I know if I call my psychdoc she will make me go in-I am hoping my case manager will make that call for me--but who knows.

I am sorry that I am so pessimistic- but life really sucks right now and I just want everything to go away.

bluedragonfly2000 · 07-29-2004, 12:20 PM

Jodie- I am sorry that things aren't getting any better for you. Please tell someone that you need the help, pick the safeest person who can help you, perhaps your case worker.
Maybe in the meantime you could journal your feelings, or if you feel like cutting try writing on yourself with red marker, or squeezing ice or exercising or anything else that has helped you cope in the past.
Please take care and stay safe,
Mel