well gals I think I have hit rock bottom.....I never thought one could feel so lonely in the real world. I know I have my cysters....there are just times when all you want someone to just let you cry on the shoulder, or lay your head in their lap and just let it all go. Maybe I am out of my mind or something but all I want is to have this. There is a person that I thought I had this with but I was so out in left fetid about it( or I am just not getting something). I have not had many close friends due having HUGE trust issues and I know this is my problem I need to deal with and over come. But how can I when this person I thought was there for me and I DO trust them and love them but when you REALLY need them they are just poof gone for some reason. I just don't get it...so hear I am looking for something that just is not going to happen I take it and all I do is sit hear write this and cry my eyes out just wanting someone to hold me.
I don't know if this makes any sense to ya'll but I just know how to really put it all.
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So sorry that things are so hard right now Stefany. I so completely understand wanting to be held or to lay your head in someone's lap and just be comforted. I feel sad that you have no one to do that for you right now. I know that it feels miserable and horribly lonely. I wish that I could give you many real hugs, but cyber (((((hugs))))) are all I can give right now.
I just want to offer you a bit of encouragement. I trust very few people with my emotions. I also have trust issues from when I was a kid. Because of this very few people know what I really need. I have just recently been working so hard to create a support system because I was sick and tired of feeling so alone. I got in touch with some people that I had trusted a little in the past, but had just lost contact with over the years. I porayed for the strength to be honest and deal with the rejection.... thankfully email allows me to begin being honest without being face to face!! Of the two people that I contacted, one has been great and one not. When I was more honest with my therapist about my feelings she was also able to be more supportive. Do you have a therapist?? I am still praying for the stength to be open about my feelings and not to hide the hurt and pain that remain in my heart. The hurts and pain are going to take a bit more work before they go away. I had a have time accepting this, but I am told that we all need people. That is why God made us human, to depend on one another. I know that you feel like you have no one to depend on. Is it possible that there might be a few out there who just do not know that you need them??
I hope that you are feeling better soon. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh, Stefany-- You are always such a support to everyone on this board and I hate it that I can't do anything to make you feel better when you need it.
Sometimes we do make mistakes about people and they let us down badly. I am hoping that perhaps this is just a misunderstanding with you and your loved one.
I know what it means to crave that human contact when you feel so alone. Sometimes it makes you want to scream. I am afraid my poor dog gets hugged til she's breathless when I feel like that! I really hope you can work things out and feel better soon. :flowers1:
I wish I could hug you and let you cry on my shoulder, we could even cry together and then have some ice cream. I wish I could offer you some advice and I wish I could make it all go away. Please take care of yourself, we all care about you here and will always be here to support you.
Heather
__________________ Heather 28
DH: Mike 30
DD: Hailey Susan
DX January 2002 through lap
Furbaby: Toby, my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
+HPT 4/7/04
Hailey Susan born December 12, 2004
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My heart aches for you right now....I hurt that you hurt. As the wonderful Dellwood said you are such a support and comfort to all of us cysters...that we hope we can be the same for you. I am sorry that you are going through this....I really wish that I could give you a hug right now and just hold you close. We are here for you hun and we love you. If you ever need anything...please just PM me....I am always here to listen and give the best advice I can. We love you Stefany.
__________________ Your friend and cyster,
~*Katrina*~
Pre-medical Student/Medic
22 Years old
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DOING THE BIGGEST LOSER WEDNESDAY!
Mommy to her furbaby kitty Tank To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , Bunny Scrubs, and lots of fishes.
Girls- we are cysters by chance but friends by choice. I love you girls so much. You give me strength,courage, guidance, support, and friendship
Update.....Thank you gals for all the love it means so much to me. I just got home form my mini vac. I took my niece and her friend with me and I had about all I could take with them so... I dropped them off at the fair grounds so I could go over and talk with the person I want to let go with. Just as we start to get really talking the girls call me and say come pick us up PLEASE there are these guys that will not leave us alone. Well that just SUCKS!!! So I say I have to go get them and all the fun stuff blah blah .... So as we are walking to my car I hear the words "keep it precious" it something that we used to say a long time ago( it a Melissa Ehtheridge song the means a lot to both us) if you want the words to it just tell me and I will send them to you and when the words came out of her mouth I thought I was going to lose it. I got in the car and had to get away form there fast. She knows that something is not right and I am not happy but damn it I couldn't tell her anything since I had to leave..so now I am doing the I could write a e-mail or something but its not the same. I really wanted to do this face to face..so that is where I am at now...
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I'm new here, but from the response posts and your mod. status, I'd assume you are very supportive to everyone else, and now it's your turn. I know it's not the same, but I have cried many a time on the telephone. Can you call this friend? I know it's not the same, but I think you would feel a little more connected to be able to talk to a voice. I know it's probably just a temporary thing, but just hang in there! Get a pint of Hagen Daz or run 5 miles - whatever makes you feel better, and keep the posts coming. I think those make you feel better also! (((((BIG HUG))))))
There was someone really important in my life as a friend for many years that has more or less disappeared in my life this year. I don't know where she went or what happened. It's really hard. I've had this happen before, and it's really exacerbated my trust issues.
I wish I could be there to hold you. If the choice is between email and holding it all in, I would second the option for calling. I do better with email than talking, but I think I'm very rare in that.
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Oh Stef, I'd give anything to live close by so I could let you cry on my shoulder. My heart breaks for you and I'm helpless to give you what you need. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to and I'll do anything in my power to help. You need only ask.
Thank god the boards are back up I thought I would lose my mind. All you cysters ROCK!!!! Thank you so much for all the love and support the last few days. I still have not heard form her. I know work has been really hard for her that last few weeks and she was not looking forward to going back today. I have wrote a letter that if I can would love to read to her over the phone if that can happen. I wanted to add the song lyrics for you all to read.
You brought me to trust you brought me to tears
In one tender touch the pain disappears
I have been to the sword seen it come seen it die
As we enter the dark I beseech you to try
In prophecy all good things must end
So take care my love my friend
Keep it precious
Keep it precious
This yielding is fine this promise rare
One day at a time we've agreed to dare
Holding you tight with wide open arms
I'm letting you go no stranger to harm
Go on ride your way do not break or bend
Just take care my love my friend
Keep it precious
Keep it precious
And the wonder let the wonder never cease
And the madness of the pleasure and ecstasy
Danger believing me
Wounding and healing me please
Keep it precious
I believe in your eyes
I believe in your fate I believe we can fly on the wings we create
A voice from behind calls up anger and fear
We can silence that scream it's simple and clear
Nothing must die only if failed to mend
So take care my love my friend
Keep it precious
I feel that it goes for my wonder cysters. So, in that keep it precious.
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Down and out 
You are always such a support to everyone on this board and I hate it that I can't do anything to make you feel better when you need it. 
and when the words came out of her mouth I thought I was going to lose it. I got in the car and had to get away form there fast. She knows that something is not right and I am not happy but damn it I couldn't tell her anything since I had to leave..so now I am doing the I could write a e-mail or something but its not the same. I really wanted to do this face to face..so that is where I am at now...
