The downward spiral

merrickgirl · 10-10-2006, 04:12 AM

ok wellthis is my first time posting in depression and I needed to because if I dont i dont know what Ill do at this point. Im in the middle of a divorce that I wanted but didnt realise how hard it would be, the emotions and feelings of not being good enough are over whelming and I cant seem to find an outlet for them. Im crying as I type. So here is goes....

I feel horriable, I feel right now that IF my daughter didnt exist I could down a bottle of pills and wash them down with some grey goose. I feel like I have no one who "gets" me or ever will... maybe Im just a freek. Maybe im over dramatic, maybe im right on target. I dont know I just knwo that my entire body hurts, my stomach is in knots and I just cant cry anymore. my hair is falling out like crazy and the circles under my eyes from my big 3 hrs of sleep a night are huge. I feel like a shell of who I was and I feel like a nobody at the same time, make sence? I honestly feel that I want to "trade" my life for someone whos honestly worth something in this world because up to now I havent been, at least in my own eyes. Im tirede of being broken I just want to be whole and fixed and normal and loved. not alone and shattered.

Dont worry im not goign to do anythign stupid I just needed to vent it out. thanks for giving me a place to do so

Cathy

kzig · 10-10-2006, 04:55 AM

I'm so sorry that you are going through such painful times.
You may not feel it now, but believe me, you have great worth and your life matters. It will get better and there will be joyful times on the other side of this mountain.

I will keep you in my prayers.

10-10-2006, 10:28 PM

Be strong for yourself and your daughter (who is really pretty by the way).... Divorce is hard because it will always hold memories, but I am sure you will come out stronger in the long run, it might not seem like that now but think of those happy times and focus on them! *sending some hugs over to you*

SnowFlower · 10-14-2006, 12:55 AM

Cathy:
Hugs. We are here for you to vent. Divorce is hard. I went through a messy one too. If you want to talk im here. You have a beautiful daughter and you guys can get through it!