I've been sad lately - sometime around now I would've been due with my first baby - I never found out the due date, instead I found out that my baby had no heartbeat at approximately eight weeks when I went in for my scan to find out when I conceived. My bfp was a big surprise as I was not tracking my cycles, and would've been around CD60ish when I conceived.
I was sooo determined to be pregnant again by the time my due date came and it hasn't happened. There have been a lot of dates in between that I was hoping it would've happened by - birthdays, weddings etc, but my due date (which I figured would be between now and Sept 30) was my ultimate goal. I know there's a lesson for me in all this - probably a few - patience, acceptance, tolerance, letting go etc. And I've really tried (and for the most part succeeded) attaining these things. But at the moment I just don't feel like it.
People don't understand and say 'keep trying' - I don't even feel like I can try - I spend most of my days wondering when I'm going to ovulate - it's only happened once this year and believe me, we tried. I'm sick of being obsessed by this and think I may have a little more learning to do in letting go and accepting what is.
I know there are so many of you going through the same thing, and I know there are many of you who have been through so much worse than what I've had to, and multiple times. My heart and thoughts go out to all of you. It feels good to get that off my chest.
__________________ me: 38 he: 37 she: 13 (furbaby dog) ttc #1 since Jan 2004 (officially, but 5 years of no contraception prior...) mc @ 8 weeks, Feb 2006 BFP on March 13 2009: CD 100 (after oing on CD 79!)
Evie Jennifer born 17/11/09 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans" - John Lennon
Katie, I'm so sorry. I dread that first due date and can only imagine how rough it will be. I personally believe in Heaven, and so I keep trying to imagine which of my friends and family members who have passed on are watching over my little ones for me. It makes me feel a little better to know they are not alone.
Deciding to try again, of course, is a personal decision each of us must go through. Those of us with fertility issues and losses will obsess if we try again, and I really don't think there is anything we can do about that if we are trying.
My DH told me he didn't want me to stress about it next time we TTC. I told him I will stress until I O, and then until I get a BFP, and then until the first U/S, and then the heartbeat, and etc., and etc. Just part of life. I will recognize and deal with the stress in a way to make it liveable, but I certainly can't get rid of it.
I'm glad you have a place here where you can vent.
Thanks for your kind words, orcajbh - I do try to be positive most of the time (and not to stress too much, cos I know it's not doing me any good). It's just one of those times I guess we all have to go through...
__________________ me: 38 he: 37 she: 13 (furbaby dog) ttc #1 since Jan 2004 (officially, but 5 years of no contraception prior...) mc @ 8 weeks, Feb 2006 BFP on March 13 2009: CD 100 (after oing on CD 79!)
Evie Jennifer born 17/11/09 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans" - John Lennon
due date coming 
wish i knew what to say.............
