Embarrassed to say this but....

kw0602 · 02-14-2006, 12:10 AM

My husband left me when I was 7 months pregnant. We have will be married for six years next month. Needless to say I was devastated. He later told me that he was having affair with someone at his job. I am 29 years old and I feel like I have given up my whole life for him and in return his spit on it. The one big thing that I have sacrificed for him is taking care of his kids. I did not want to but I did it anyway. He and I both can agree that in this relationship it has been mostly I give and mostly he and/or his kids take.
He and I have prayed together about this issue several times and I truly believe that God wants the two of us to be together. I also believe that my two babies deserve to have their father. But here is the problem. I have been plagued with temptation to get him back. I truly want him to hurt as much as I did. Does this mean that I don't love him? The feelings that I feel toward him are frequently not the feeling that the Lord describes as love. I have even gone as far as thinking about a man that I could have an affair with just to get him back. I know that this sounds horrible, but I feel guilty for even thinking this way but I can not shake the feeling. My husband revealed all this to me about 9 months ago, and while things are tremendously better, I still want him to suffer like I did. Any advice?

Jashobeam · 02-14-2006, 03:11 AM

I'm sorry you went through this. It's very hard to put aside your right to punish him for what he has done. Forgiveness seems like such a simple word, but it carries a lot of weight. It means giving up our right to harm another even when we feel it's deserved. Love is action more than just feelings. I would encourage you to pray that God will remove your desire to hurt your husband and put in place a closeness to him. Also, put away thoughts of having an affair, for the more we think of a thing, the closer we get to doing just that. If you start seeking ways to love your husband (actions, not the feelings) then the feelings should follow. It might take a good while and it won't be easy, but I hope you two do continue to make the effort in preserving your marriage.

I would also encourage you two to seek counseling, maybe from a minister at your church or a local Christian counseling group. Many pastors give free marriage couseling. I would suggest you find one with training in marital counseling, or a pastor who has been married for many years.

Binxsmommy · 02-14-2006, 03:38 AM

I really do feel for you Cyster. I am now going through a similar situation. Although I wasn't pregnant (ever heard the song unanswered prayers?) which I'm sure was god's way of letting me know it wasn't meant to be. DH and I have our 5 year anniversary Feb. 28 although we've been together 7 years we were married for 5 of those years. It's tough at least you have some time behind you I'm only dealing with this just now. You are definetly not alone. The cysters here are SOOOO great and such a great help. You shouldn't be embarressed to talk about it here (I mean if you can't share with us who can you share with?) Sometimes its good to share with someone whos NOT involved and has an unbiased opion I found that out just recently posting here. Were always here if you need us. Your a super strong women! And I can't help but think all your feelings are super natural/normal! Pm me anytime

cysterof2miracles · 02-14-2006, 05:34 AM

I just wanted to offer a website for you to go to and possibly get help. You can go to the discussion board and get wonderful advice to help you through the hard time you are having with people who are going through the same things.
www.marriagebuilders.com
If you've ever read the book His Needs/Her Needs by Harley he is the one who did the website. It has helped fix many many marriages.
Good Luck