The Empty Garden

believer621 · 04-02-2003, 12:40 AM

The Empty Garden

I sit in the sterile room
Chill bumps radiating from my exposed skin
As she flips through my vitals and stats.
Months of pain, absence of a rushing, red river,
And the refusal of lines to double
Has brought me here.
I sit waiting for the answers.
"Polycystic Ovarian Disease," she says matter-of-factly.
Dumbfounded, I sit waiting for the but,
Waiting for the exception, waiting...
"There's a chance with fertility drugs,
But there's a risk of multiple births.
Maybe two, maybe three, maybe four, maybe more."
"Do you have any idea how many diapers that is?"
My mother inquires.
"Do you have any idea how many diapers that isn't?"
I reply emphatically.
All the months of false hope, and false alarms,
Now diagnosed with a false acceptance.
How do I accept at 23 that I
May never experience the most wonderful gift
That God has bestowed upon a woman?
How do I explain to my husband of barely
A year that I am non-functional as a child-bearing wife?
How does one accept that after
One year, five medications, and fifty pounds later,
I'm still waiting for my garden to grow?

~Rebecca Morrison

Native · 04-09-2003, 08:41 PM

I know exactly how you feel....I had to tell my husband of barely a year the same thing...but he understands, and loves me still the same.... I liked your lines about the diapers...doesn't seem to matter how many it is....it just matters when there aren't any....only 23, I am 21...please know that being so young is an advantage....we have a lot of time for treatments to work, and this is a wonderful place for support...

You are in my prayers...

believer621 · 04-09-2003, 11:12 PM

Thank you for the prayers. I need them. I'm getting ready to start injections. Yep, we're moving on to step 2. Step 1 Glucophage and Clomid. I'll be praying for you too.