End of the Road

jordon23 · 06-03-2008, 08:44 PM

We have decided to finally put our dreams of a family to rest. We have been devistated numerous times, and we are just out of options. We have had two babies ripped from our arms with foster/adopt. Both times we were lied to straight faced. We really can't afford IVF or an agency.

Our little girl we have had since birth will be placed with another family that has a sibling and a bio child. They don't care about her attachment to us, and they just want another child. We will have her until they can finalize their current adoption, and take care of the interstate compact. So we are baby sitting a child that will be torn away from us.

I know I shouldn't be mad a God, but I can't hide the fact that I am. I have always had faith, and been a christian. However, I can't say that at this point. I don't understand why God doesn't feel we deserve to be parents, but aparently that is the case. I will be starting back on the pill to take care of the symptoms I have from the PCOS. We have tried every option such as treatment, foster/adopt, and private adoption but we have been stopped in our tracks every time. So I guess it's time to take the hint and move on with what life we will have without children....

JoJo1793 · 06-03-2008, 09:23 PM

I am so sorry!

I feel as if it is time that my husband and I gave up too. I am so tired of being hurt.

I will say a prayer for you.

zilla · 06-03-2008, 10:50 PM

I am so very sorry.

anang · 06-04-2008, 01:11 AM

I am so sorry- That is why we chose to do straight foster care adoption, I was not sure I would stand the pain of loosing a little one that I had come to love. I admire those families who do it year after year.

mommavia · 06-04-2008, 04:32 AM

I am so sorry that you have been through these struggles. But I believe that God does not place desires in our hearts that He doesn't intend to fulfill. We went through several rejections because of my medical history after we had already brought our first son home. I was devestated, I truly thought our family was done despite my heart not feeling complete. I completely under your anger at God. It is appropriate and understandable. After cancer and those rejections, I have had my fair share of angry conversations with God.

I know that this is not much comfort now, but your love and care for those children was part of God's plan for their lives. And you are a key part of their beginnings. Without your love and devotion, they will not have the life that God has planned for them.

God has a plan for your life as well. The path remains unknown, but the plan is perfect even if we don't always see (or feel) it that way.

Hugs to you,
Cynthia

sazzifrazz · 06-04-2008, 08:58 AM

i understand you being angry with God, I've been there many times. Someone once said something to me that now makes sense.

whenever i ask why God did that "to me", i remember this lady once saying , "well, i know God did_____ for a reason. Maybe it wasn't for me, but for them." so while this situation sucks for you, those kids needed you. you were a positive in their lives...maybe God was answering their prayer. kwim?

ProudPCOMom · 06-04-2008, 04:57 PM

I do understand being angry at God - I was too after we lost our 2 youngest bio-children at birth. I too felt that we were being punished (so I punished myself with guilty feelings of 'what did I do wrong' and 'what could I have done differently'). I do feel in the end it made our family stronger - but I felt I was in a deep ditch and it took forever to get back on the road.

It is possible that the children God has in mind for you have yet to be born, or that they're still living with their bio-families. God has a plan, although it's really hard to wait for 'His' timing. Foster/Adopt is a really tough road as there are no certainties - except that CPS is in control.

I wish you the best in your decisions.

Miss-Meme · 06-04-2008, 10:54 PM

I know how you feel. I've been there. We gave up on having a family a few years ago, after treatment done nothing for us and we were scammed with a twin adoption. I was so heartbroken. We tried for awhile on our own but just pretty well gave up and said "well if it happens fine...otherwise we're done"

Then one day out of the blue (when it was on God's time) someone asked us about adoption. That lead us to our son!! We weren't looking to adopt at that time, but we took a chance and said that if God meant this to be it will.

I prayed for what ever would be right for us, the birthfamily and the baby to be born. I felt selfish if I prayed that she would place the child with us...because what if that wasn't the right thing for all of us. I prayed that she would make the right decision.

I learned that God DOES have a plan for us. And we have to wait for him. I say now, that God had me stay at daycare for 13 years so I would be ready for our son! He did right!! Boy is our son a little wild man!! I'm glad I was able to learn from other children first!!

I am very sorry that you foster DD is being placed with another family. That's the hard part about fostering.

samstars · 06-06-2008, 10:18 PM

I can say we have also been to the give up point. My husband and I were 30 and 35 when we got married, older by many standards. We didn't find out we couldn't have bio children until 5 years later. We fostered and fell in love with 5 different children. Our hearts broke when the last two left our care after being lied to by the caseworker many times. We stopped accepting foster children and put our license on hold. We both suffered major depression.

Then one day a coworker came to me knowing our history and asked me how to find a home for a 10 year old boy who had run out of choices and had just been put into a boys home because no other family members would step up and take him in.

Today we are the proud parents of a 13 year old son who we love beyond all the hurt we suffered before. We still think and talk about and love those 5 children. They will always be a part of us. Our son has his problems but he is ours and we don't ever worry about someone coming to take him away.

I am so sorry you are hurting.

Stacy

~*~Michelle~*~ · 06-09-2008, 10:34 AM

I understand where you are also. Sat we were asked if we would be interested in adopting a baby who is due in 2 wks. We of course said yes. We sent her our profile and never heard back from her. Her sister e-mailed me and said that she's meeting w/an agency today to look at family profiles. So, this would be the second baby taken from us. I am having the exact same thoughts as you, maybe I'm just not meant to have any more kids, maybe God doesn't want us to have anymore kids. I'm praying that isn't the case, but right now, in this moment, that's how I feel. I pray, for both of us, that isn't the case.

MWpuravida · 06-09-2008, 12:47 PM

Hey, I just wanted to tell you one thing.
God is big enough to take your anger. I always feel so "unchristian" when I get mad at him. That just sends me farther down that spiral. When I made that realization, it helped a lot.
You will be in my prayers. I would just give you a great big hug if I knew you!

Bree-and-Izy · 06-09-2008, 01:52 PM

I'm sorry for what you are going through and have gone through. My only suggestion would be to get a child or a sibling group that has member over three years old. Many times these children are ready to be adopted and it can take as little as 6 months to accomplish that. When a state worker says that an older child will stay in your home, they can say that with confidence. I know it is difficult but in times like these it is sometimes helpful to expand on the idea of what your future family looks like. You certainly don't seem ready to settle for not having children. Make it clear to your caseworker that you cannot handle another child leaving.

You can also try looking to other states for adoption. Any kids or sibling groups that they list are available for adoption already. These kids need homes so badly.

Here is a website to see waiting children in the US.

http://www.adoptuskids.org/

Jewels · 06-09-2008, 08:45 PM

What a perfect thing to say! So true! God is big enough to handle our hurt and disappointments!

I too am very sorry for your pain. I gave up ttc for several years and did a lot of soul searching and really thinking about my life w/o children in it and if that felt ok. I asked myself, "When I die will I regret not trying until I find my baby?" It was a moment of complete clarity that, yes it would be my biggest regret in life to not continue to try. Not everybody will come to that same conclusion. You may surprise yourself and find out that you and your husband can live a happy, healthy life without being parents or you might take some time, heal your heart and open it to a new possibility. Whatever you choose I hope you know that what you have done for those two babies is far more than babysitting. You WANTED them, LOVED them, and CARED for them with your whole heart and that is what a good mother does.
Hugs to you!
Julia