Just To Give Some Hope!!!
by, 09-19-2011 at 07:43 AM (800 Views)
So those of you who know me and have seen me around the boards know i have had pcos since i was about 17, a year after having my daughter, and i have been ttc for 11 years. In those 11 years we have had 3 miscarriages, or 2 miscarriages one chemical pregnancy, but heck its all the same to me, a loss is a loss....i have never been entitled to IVF because of having a daughter already so we were relying on ovarian drilling and the clomid as my ovaries just didnt want to work alone, which after taking 200mg finally worked but ended in the chemical, tried again and miscarriage, and no matter how many times i tried again i just couldnt get my baby!!!
Well some friends from this board who have become more like sisters to me these past few years sent me some tablets to try and help, after id given up many times. They sent me femera, which i took, fell pregnant and lost the baby, so i gave up, completely gave up, i spent every day wallowing in self pity, feeling so completely useless i was no good to myself, my fiance or our daughter and my stepsons. I would lay in bed and cry, or i would get angry and break things, i would take my temper out on my man and my friends as i didnt think i deserved their love, because i was so completely useless i couldnt do what a woman is made to do!!!! or thats how i felt. I was so low that somedays i honestly thought i would be better not waking up!!!!
Then a small package from abroad came and inside was enough femera for one more try, and then shortly after that some progesterone turned up, i hadnt tried the progesterone before and thought what the hell, one last try before im 30. I know inside i wasnt ready to give up BUT iv spent the past 11 years of my life calculating my cycles, taking medication, stressing over when to have sex, everything!!! SO we tried again, one last time.....
I am now 17 weeks 3 days pregnant!!! It was a heck of a rocky start, at 5 weeks i started bleeding and they thought with the pain it was ectopic, so after 3 weeks and 3 scans they said something was happening, and it was growing slowly, but i had to wait til 12 weeks to see if things were happening properly and if everything was going to be ok....so we waited, we prayed and we cried almost every day.
At the 12 weeks scan we saw a beautiful little baby on the screen, wiggling away and its little heart beating so strong, i cried like a girl i was so happy, even now i still dont believe it somedays, i sit andi feel butterflies in my tummy and i get shocked, thats theres a baby in there, finally!!!! Now i know i have 23 weeks left, and its a long way to go BUT iv got further than i ever thought possible, and i am so happy!!
So i just wanted to say to those who have been trying as long as i have and god forbid longer that even when your at your lowest and you think all hope is lost and youd rather just lay in bed and cry than live a life that seems so damn hard, sometimes, just sometimes a little light will come from somewhere and bring you back, Someone will show you that good things do happen, just when we least expect it!!!
I am not around on the board as much as i used to be BUT im always here if someone wants to talk, cos i really did hit rock bottom and i know how depressing living with pcos can be, so anyone wants to chat, feel free!! From One Cyster to Many Others - Have Faith, maybe not in god if thats not your thing, but in yourself, or in your cysters because sometimes that little bit of positive faith helps more than any treatment xXx