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Just To Give Some Hope!!!

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So those of you who know me and have seen me around the boards know i have had pcos since i was about 17, a year after having my daughter, and i have been ttc for 11 years. In those 11 years we have had 3 miscarriages, or 2 miscarriages one chemical pregnancy, but heck its all the same to me, a loss is a loss....i have never been entitled to IVF because of having a daughter already so we were relying on ovarian drilling and the clomid as my ovaries just didnt want to work alone, which after taking 200mg finally worked but ended in the chemical, tried again and miscarriage, and no matter how many times i tried again i just couldnt get my baby!!!

Well some friends from this board who have become more like sisters to me these past few years sent me some tablets to try and help, after id given up many times. They sent me femera, which i took, fell pregnant and lost the baby, so i gave up, completely gave up, i spent every day wallowing in self pity, feeling so completely useless i was no good to myself, my fiance or our daughter and my stepsons. I would lay in bed and cry, or i would get angry and break things, i would take my temper out on my man and my friends as i didnt think i deserved their love, because i was so completely useless i couldnt do what a woman is made to do!!!! or thats how i felt. I was so low that somedays i honestly thought i would be better not waking up!!!!

Then a small package from abroad came and inside was enough femera for one more try, and then shortly after that some progesterone turned up, i hadnt tried the progesterone before and thought what the hell, one last try before im 30. I know inside i wasnt ready to give up BUT iv spent the past 11 years of my life calculating my cycles, taking medication, stressing over when to have sex, everything!!! SO we tried again, one last time.....

I am now 17 weeks 3 days pregnant!!! It was a heck of a rocky start, at 5 weeks i started bleeding and they thought with the pain it was ectopic, so after 3 weeks and 3 scans they said something was happening, and it was growing slowly, but i had to wait til 12 weeks to see if things were happening properly and if everything was going to be we waited, we prayed and we cried almost every day.
At the 12 weeks scan we saw a beautiful little baby on the screen, wiggling away and its little heart beating so strong, i cried like a girl i was so happy, even now i still dont believe it somedays, i sit andi feel butterflies in my tummy and i get shocked, thats theres a baby in there, finally!!!! Now i know i have 23 weeks left, and its a long way to go BUT iv got further than i ever thought possible, and i am so happy!!

So i just wanted to say to those who have been trying as long as i have and god forbid longer that even when your at your lowest and you think all hope is lost and youd rather just lay in bed and cry than live a life that seems so damn hard, sometimes, just sometimes a little light will come from somewhere and bring you back, Someone will show you that good things do happen, just when we least expect it!!!

I am not around on the board as much as i used to be BUT im always here if someone wants to talk, cos i really did hit rock bottom and i know how depressing living with pcos can be, so anyone wants to chat, feel free!! From One Cyster to Many Others - Have Faith, maybe not in god if thats not your thing, but in yourself, or in your cysters because sometimes that little bit of positive faith helps more than any treatment xXx

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  1. SuzieBoop07's Avatar
    thank u so much. this really made my day because i feel the same way. my hubby and i have been married for 4 years together for 7 and weve been trying for decades it seems like and nothing. not even a m/c or some kind of scare. (which i know that having a m/c is not a great thing but it would be nice to have a scare or something to let me know that my body is functioning right) Im now seeming an RE and next month we start treatments. ive already been on clomid 3 times and that didnt work for me. So on to bigger and better things. this brightened my day though!!!! congrats
  2. lisafon09's Avatar

    You got tears from me as I read this...I've never had one child and we are still TTC-this year I will be 34 sooooo, hearing the clock ticking pretty loudly. I'd give almost anything to feel life inside of my body but it just seems so far-fetched on the other hand like you I'm not giving up. I also have some provera(to start my cycle) and some Femara on their way to me enough for quite a few cycle so hopefully really soon I'll get to see my BFP too. Thank you so much for this inspiring post
  3. kentbird's Avatar
    Suzie - i had clomid about 13 cycles (in around 9 years) and not one worked, it wasnt until i took it upon myself to up the dose to 200mg of clomid that i actually ovulated, that was my first miscarriage, the next time it was a chemical pregnancy then nothing, i must have done in total about 16 cycles of clomid and only 2 worked, the only reason i believe i got this far this time on femera was because i took progesterone with it!! Keep in there and dont give up, Remember that so long as your careful you can take it into your own hands, sometimes the REs arent as helpful as they should be. Good Luck!!!!

    Lisa - The females in my family seem to have a short time span so far, my nan was 46 my mum 53 so i wanted to stop trying early as i was 22 when i lost my mum and to me that still seems young, my littlebrother was 15....soooo thats why i was saying about my age lol xx i have a friend who is almost 40 and has just had her first succesful pregnancy, so you have years!!! the Femera again only worked for me at 7mgs but it worked!! in the 5 times i took it i got pregnant twice, lost one and here i am with the other!!! I would suggest progesterone supplements if you can get them, even just a small dose, as i believe they are the reason i am still pregnant, my doctor wouldnt give them to me so a friend sent them and i took a small amount each day til 10 weeks and it was the first time i felt it may be ok!! They are great because if somethingw ith your progesterone is wrong they help, if your body doesnt need it then it just expels the its an easy one to supplement on if you can get it!!

    Im glad my post was helpful, and please dont give up, research is amazing and without the girls on SC i wouldnt be where i am today so its good to give a little encouragement back xxx
  4. aymiee's Avatar
    What dose and days did you take your femara! I am just starting my femara journey! Congrats to you..and thank you so much for the post!
  5. Kiwee27's Avatar

    Your post is very inspirational. I have been TTC for about 9 years now. This has been a very hectic journey as you know. I was only diagnosed with PCOS in 2009, so for many years I had no clue as to why I wasn't becoming pregnant and no one would even check. Recently (starting this past April 2011) I was in a blind study comparing Clomid and Femara, so I don't know which of the two I was taking. I did however, ovulate on every cycle only taking one pill of the "mystery" drug. It was supposed to be for 5 cycles, but on the fourth cycle I got a BFP, so the nurse reported the results immediately which of course ended my participation. Unfortunately, I had a chemical pregnancy. The nurse apologized and said that if she had waited a few days before reporting my numbers, the retest would have been lower numbers and I could have remained in the study to finish my last cycle. So, I did get a BFP for 2 days before getting the BFN, so whatever I was taking worked for the most part. In my 9 years of TTC this was my first BFP. My insurance doesn't cover anything related to fertility so I have not been back to my RE since the study ended. I am trying FertilAid this month (haven't had AF since 8/5/11) since I haven't ovulated since ending the study. I do chart and temp daily so I'm hoping that I can get another BFP and have it stick this time. This whole thing is very stressful, and I cry almost every day when I think about it. I will be 33 in November, and I can't help but think that my chances are running out. I am wondering about doing some self-meds as soon as I find out the best place to get them. I am going to try the herbs for at least three months though, so probably until the New Year and see what happens. I am really anxious to try progesterone, as I think this may help my bean stick (just a thought) since my levels in the study were not too high. Sorry for rambling. Again, thank you for this post, I believe it will be very inspriring to many women.
  6. kentbird's Avatar
    Aymiee - i took my femera days 3-7 i tried other days and it didnt work as good, but everyone is different!!! Good luck with your journey hope its a very short one xx

    Kiwee - i am so sorry for your long journey, it truly sucks doesnt it, and so sorry for your loss!!! There are lots of places online where you can buy femera/clomid and progesterone without a prescription, just search around (check with your laws on drugs and things but most places its perfectly legal!!!) just google around a bit!!! I was no good with temping as i woke up at different times etc!!! But good luck, you have years left!!!! and id definitly try progesterone as if your progesterone is even a little low sometimes you cannot sustain a pregnancy u ntil the placenta takes over, so its truly worth a try!!!!!! Hugs and babydust to you all!!!!