View RSS Feed

Got To Get My Heart Back

It's Over...

Rate this Entry
I am beyond upset. I took negative tests today by urine, and the stupid whatever they were at the doctor's office couldn't get the blood out of my arm needed to do the labs. They suggested the I hydrate and come back. I asked for the lab requisition form and went home. I will not be going for bloods. That would only open the door for more pain. My doctor told me that it was probably a chemical, and that they go as fast as they come. My question is whether or not I should still be waiting for a period to come. Either way. No more for now. It hurts so much and it's such a personal hurt, that I can't imagine anyone around me, not even my husband being able to fathom the hurt that I feel. If you take everything I've been through up to this point you'll find that, it's not to hard to believe that I am officially exhausted of being hurt, and shattered all over the place. Life must be lived. I think about the days before the phantom BFP. I know I was moving in a good direction, as hubby and I had decided that I would spend some time enjoying my recovery from illness and start back working out, and diet for weight loss, and then get back to TTC in 6mos to a year. Those tests changed all that, and the hurt that I feel right now is my own fault. Rocking the boat is the last thing I should have done.
I just had to have it now. What is that in me? I wanted to see my family grow now. I wanted to have something more in this life now. Oh well, it's over now.

Submit "It's Over..." to Digg Submit "It's Over..." to del.icio.us Submit "It's Over..." to StumbleUpon Submit "It's Over..." to Google

Categories
Uncategorized

Comments

  1. missshanae28's Avatar
    You cannot give up, sometimes it's not on our time but on God's times. I know the feeling I am 30 and donít have any kids, yet and sometimes I stress myself out so much not knowing the possibility to be able to conceive. It will happen just be patient but donít give up. Maybe you can have an ultrasound done, I am surprised the doctor did not recommend that option since you could not draw blood. Maybe you should call back and request for an ultrasound. I will keep you in my prayers.
  2. SookiesNique's Avatar
    Thanks so much. My hubby thinks I take these things so hard because of all the turmoil of the past 1.5yrs. I didn't give myself much time between the stress of the last ordeal and this one, and he thinks that while I'm better physically, the emotional healing is not complete. He wants to keep going. I just want to make sure I can handle this. There is also a chance that things are just not showing up in my pee. I'll test later this month, with my RE by blood and I'll discuss everything with him, and finalize my decision to quit or continue. The only good news I have for now is that my temps are still way up there, and I can't believe that.
  3. Chula's Avatar
    I would hydrate and go back! That is what you need to do!!! But I support what ever decision you make good luck!
  4. Chula's Avatar
    Mine didn't show up on urine but it sure the hell did in blood beta! Please go back to have closer if anything!!!
  5. Nicole1979's Avatar
    This happened to me to go back. You are very early
  6. Audi10's Avatar
    Oh hun dont give up. Drink up and go back, I hate for you to have such a rollercoaster of emotions but your already at a low right now, IF I were in your shoes I would be low yet still clinging to hope, I would need a true and final answer. Its never easy but think of the big picture. If a bigger family is what you want then g*d damn it go get it! The best things in life arnt always easy to get, but once we are there the road you were on becomes the past. We did over 2.5years of trying with a possable early m/c and a poss chemical (never confirmed). countless dildo cam u/s, blood work, 2 hour one way trips to the RE, daily shots ect ect... I cant say I would ever want to go threw that again and at this point I say that I dont, but in the future I may and I will if it comes to it... I say if you need a break take it,,we took many breaks because I didnt want to get to the point of wanting to give up, even trying for a month or two then taking a month off made such a big difference in myself, i think thats what kept me going =) I wish you the best and hope you go in for your blood work.
  7. Nao's Avatar
    Just thought I'd let you know, I'm praying for you