Everything means nothing to me, I find that cutting has become a way of self expression. Another argument between parents about the law and how it was against it to cut how can it be against the law to cut yourself? So the law can now tell you when you have the right to hate or not to hate yourself, so the state will take control of my actions, so I am declared incompetent, so says my mom and dad. I sit here and carve the names of my idols into my arms while eating chips and dip for breakfast. But I count all the points; they just may not be the healthiest food choices. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, do I annoy you? If I do sorry sitting here my blood soaks through my flannel shirt they will know that I was doing it again, it’s a silent protest against myself and its illegal. So be it, I’ve broken God’s commandment to love myself and the law that says that I’m not allowed to hate myself **** it all. I’ll injure myself with guitar strings as they are the only thing that seems to understand where I’m coming from. Mabry I’ll write another half hearted song about my so called pain it’s all so wretched and phony. I’m fine quit asking, I live in shy town let me be, can’t I just be alone in this world of bare, unfilled drained energy with jokes I’ve forgotten and friends I can’t entertain but only scare off. I can’t watch it hurts to much, hurts to see, and feel, so this is another desperate attempt to talk to you, but do you care?
__________________ Oh, Pointy Bird
Oh, Pointy Pointy
Anoint my head
Anointy-nointy
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." Rebecca West
The only reason women are weak is because they accept it as an inevitability
__________________ Oh, Pointy Bird
Oh, Pointy Pointy
Anoint my head
Anointy-nointy
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." Rebecca West
The only reason women are weak is because they accept it as an inevitability
I've been wondering how you are doing. I'm sad to see you in this state. You are not incompetent, but you need to be on meds. You have Asperger's Syndrome and you need to accept that and own it as who you are.
Your situation is not curable but it is treatable. YOU have to make that happen. The reason you cut yourself and the reason you hate yourself is not because of you or anything you have done, it is because of neurological dysfunction. I will find some links for you, but you've got to stop cutting yourself. It's not YOU that's making you feel this way, it's your condition. Stop blaming yourself and start blaming IT and do something about it.
I really do care about what you're going through as I have a dear Aspie friend myself. I've seen the pain, okay?
Let me see what I can find...
Suze
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Join this group or any other group of aspies. They will really understand what you are going through and can help you find your way, especially the ones who've been around awhile.
Some articles that will show you that it is the syndrome and not YOU as a human being that is causing you to feel this way... www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/aspergersmain.html
Some of her essays remind me of your posts. I think it will show that other aspies feel just like you, which means... it's the syndrome, honey, not you.
Please keep us informed of how you are doing. We do care- just remember a lot of people on this board do not understand AS and it scares them. There are several of us that do and we want you to feel better!!!
Hugs,
Suze
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nickcarter, I am sorry you are so down on yourself that you have to hurt yourself. I totally understand as I used to be a cutter myself. I don't have Asperger's Syndrome, but I do know how it feels to feel worthless, hopeless, like no one cares. It took several years of counceling to feel better but now the urge to cut is only in the back of my mind, not the front. Anyways, I am sure with having Asperger's it is different, but just wanted you to know you are not alone and that i'll be thinking of you. Please pm me if you need a friend!!
I care honey. I know that you said you have had 19 reviews and no reply, but I don't think that it because people don't care. I think that people find it hard sometimes to talk about certain subjects. Its not your fault that people feel that way. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon.
I don't know if you have had any professional advice but if you don't start to feel better then you may need some. The advice from above seems promising. Don't give up we are all here to help.
I agree with all the people above who said you need to get some help and do it for yourself. It's true that this is not about anything you have done wrong. I have a very close friend who cuts and I know from her it is nothing you have done wrong that makes you want to do it. It's something wrong and you need to be doing something about it. I know it is hard to seek help, and I know what its like to feel like no matter how bad it gets you want to deal with it on your own, but sometimes we have to give that up and seek help. Seems like maybe its time for you to do that. Don't give up because there is a way to get through all of this. Know that I am here if you ever need to talk. I may not always know what to say, but I am completely willing to listen to whatever you need to say. Take care dear.
I can't claim I have knowledge in this area nor any solutions, but I do want you to know that I care you are hurting and hope you will find some help. It sounds like some of the other ladies have provided info and links and I hope some of them are helpful.
__________________ Mandy
Proud Mommy to Emily born April 7, 2005 and Joseph born January 17, 2008
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Dropping out of TTC... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. good vibes to you girls!
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I've been so busy feeling sorry for myself lately that I've ignored the boards!
I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't cut, but I know all too well how hopeless we can feel. Please, please follow the above advice, visit the links, and seriously consider getting some help.
And please keep us updated. I'm a mother hen, and I'm bound to worry if I don't hear from you (and trust me, I already worry way too much)!
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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It really is helpful to find a community of aspies to talk to. I know a girl who has been where you are (cutting and all) and she has healed so much from being in a good group of friends who are like her. She still has a long way to go but she knows how to de-stress now in a way that isn't harmful.
Asperger's doesn't make you cut, but it does pre-dispose you to suffer more from anxiety and stress because you get so much more of it than NTs (neurotypical individuals). So cutting is technically going to be a co-morbid condition (meaning it exists alongside others). You can be helped through it- you just need to make sure that any therapist or doctor who helps you understands asperger's and the challenge it represents. Traditional talk and behavior therapy needs to be adjusted to reach the asperger patient because your brain will function slightly different - not worse or better, just different - than the usual person.
Please- if you need someone to talk to feel free to email or PM me at any time. I can put you in touch with friends who have asperger's, who I'm sure can make you laugh and feel better about yourself. You are not alone. Please remember that!
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PCOS+IR, Hypothyroidism
Sleep Apnea (cured by tonsillectomy)
30-Something Mommy of 2
Logan Scott born April 9, 2004!
Conor James born Nov 1, 2006.
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I care about you too. I have never had that kind of problem, but I too know what it feels like to feel noeone cares. Too many bad memories from being bullied in highschool. I was The Ugly Girl. The Outcast of even the other losers. I just wanted to let you know you have my support, and you can pm me if you want.
Love,
Jen
everything means nothing to me 
