Everything in my life goes wrong....

TheBigBite · 01-04-2009, 03:08 PM

I was having coffee with a friend last week and telling her about my life and even she said "Claire, how come all these bad things happen to you?". Until then I thought these things happened to everybody, but she has made me realise that me and my DF are SOOOO unlucky. DF even said he sometimes wonders if we have been cursed by his ex-girlfriend who is part of a religion that "some people call a cult" (quoted exactly as she said it to me).

When I say everything, I mean everything; DF cant find a job, we want to get married but cant afford it, we cant afford the central heating so we put in a wood burner and then the chainsaw broke last week. We are trying to open our shop but every time we get some money we get another bill. The bank said they would give us a small business loan if we got the license, but when we got the license they said the bad economy means we cant have the loan after all. Christmas day the hot water boiler broke, AND the car got a flat tyre. I bought the spare parts for the boiler and DF's father fixed it but when we switch it on all the electric trips out, so we are now almost 2 weeks without hot water! We need to get an electrician but have no money this week. I bought some sealant tape to fix the leak from the toilet and whilst fixing it we discovered the problem is much bigger than we thought and we need more parts, but as today is sunday we cant buy them so tonight we have to throw water down the toilet after each time we use it. I HATE my job, my boss said to me last week "if you come to work dressed like that, I might aswell employ my grandma instead"!!! And I get paid 30euro for 9 hours!!!

I was cleaning the house today and I just kept seeing more jobs that need doing around the house, things that need cleaning or repairing or replacing and I just dont have the time or the money to do it. I work 9 hours 6 days a week at a horrible job, and I work 15 hours a week for my brother on his website which I dont have any interest in and cant seem to concentrate on.

DF is also suffering from mild depression. He is so thin and I cant get him to eat much. I got him some st johns wart but he said it makes his stomach hurt, and then he eats even less. He has tried everything to find a job but there is nothing.

Why DO all these things happen to us???

abbiedarlin1 · 01-11-2009, 11:18 AM

It's definitely not just you. Everyone has problems, so don't feel like you are being targeted for some reason. Try making some lists of what needs doing and fixing and prioritise and crossing things off the list, even if it takes a while which it probably will, crossing the items off the list will at least make you feel like you are getting somewhere. If getting married is something you really want to do, you can always hire a civil celebrant and do a small, family and closest friends only wedding with a party instead of a formal reception (that's what we did...spent about $600aud on a wedding and it was a white wedding with the people who matter...I wouldn't change it for anything). I know that's still a lot of money when you've got none (definitely been there...we're having similar issues..with everything breaking except it's me that can't get a job, DH is pretty stable, but doesn't earn a lot and I'm a full time student). As for your DF, is his depression solely related to inability to get a job? If so, perhaps a more active role in finding a position...maybe dropping a resume everywhere, even if it somewhere rubbish and completely unrelated to his field...at least then he would have a job until he finds what he really wants to do. Apart from that, I would try to get him to the docs because not eating isn't healthy (as you know) and could lead to more unnecessary problems. As for you and your rubbish job, are you looking for something else while still working? Maybe if you find something on the sly you can leave and get a better job with better pay. I know it all sounds good in theory...but please don't feel helpless. You need to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there, but sometimes you have to fight for what you want and need.

TheBigBite · 01-12-2009, 08:16 AM

Awww Abbie, thank you SO much for replying. I am feeling a little better now. I wrote that rant at my lowest point. I like your idea about writing a list of jobs and making my way through it. I think I will make that list today.
About my horrible job; we live in a tourist resort but the tourists only come here May-Oct, so I only have to stay in this job until April because I have been offered the same job I did last summer which I enjoy. I try to keep reminding myself that I am lucky to have ANY job during the winter. Only about 10% of the people here get work in the winter.
There is a possibility of a job for DF so he is going to speak to them this week. They dont use resumes here or references or anything along those lines, you just ask around until you find a job! DF has been taking his st johns wart for a few days and seems a little better.
The wedding; a wedding like yours sounds perfect to me. Have you seen "my big fat greek wedding" - I hope to avoid that at any cost! I think our first step is to get my papers translated (I am a foreigner!!) so I might start that process in the summer. Did you really get married with 600AUD??? Wow, I am impressed!

abbiedarlin1 · 01-12-2009, 09:48 AM

I really did lol...I bought a wedding dress off ebay for something ridiculous like $20au, hubby used his formal tux, i bought a small bouquet, my bridesmaids supplied their own dresses (used ones they already had), we made their bouquet with cheap flowers from the supermarket (didn't look like it though, turned out well), the groomsmen supplied their own suits, our friend is a photographer/videographer, so he did the whole thing for $50 (and did a fantastic job...we had 2 photographers and a videographer...he owns the company lol), the most expensive part was the celebrant at $200 (but that covered all legal stuff too). We had the wedding in a public park, so just had to get permission from the council. It was a great day. Then we had a party at a local bowls club and had a friend make our wedding cake (my husband is a baker and his workmate does wedding cakes). Definitely the way to go. I think we had 20 odd guests. That's good to hear about DF's job prospect

. And at least you're not stuck in the job you're at...just keep looking forward to what's to come. As for the list idea...lol, I was in the middle of writting up a treatment plan for a depression patient (I'm a final year psyc student) and list writing is a way to get past the feelings of being overwhelmed by everything. I do it all the time...I have so many lists it's not even funny but it always makes me feel better and I love crossing stuff off them. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me

PixieChinchilla · 01-15-2009, 12:14 AM

I know how you feel. It seems to come in waves for me. I have been struggling lately because I just can't seem to get anything to go right. And it doesn't help that I feel sick 100% of the time! It's really hard to deal with the stresses life brings when you ALSO have to worry about living like a normal person when all you want to do is curl up into a ball all the time. Talking about it helps me a lot. My boyfriend is amazing and listens to my rants and holds me when I cry. Sometimes, just knowing that someone truly cares and is there to help and listen is what you need. Maybe that's what your DF needs. At least, to start with. I've struggled with depression for my entire life, and continue to refuse to be medicated, so I've had a lot of self-discovery happen through my emotional problems.

TheBigBite · 01-15-2009, 09:47 AM

Pixie, thanks, its good to know that a hug can help so much. When DF is frustrated and gets upset I do give him a big hug and hold him so tight, I can feel in his body that it helps. It helps his emotions, but I wish I could do more to fix the reason why he is upset.

Abbie, I am in awe of your wedding! My good friend just set up a cake making business and we discussed our wedding cake yesterday :p I think the most expensive thing will be the paperwork cos I have to get my birth certificate and some other stuff stamped and sent from UK, and translated, But I think most of that can be done well in advance so we could do all that before we even set a date. Also I want my sister nd her family here for the wedding, so their flights will be expensive. I plan to get a cheap simple dress, and have seen them in the shops in England for £80-£100. I think we will have a nice meal for about 12 close relatives, and a party without food later on.

One good thing happened for us yesterday; we got the electrician to fix the hot water and he said it was just wired up wrong and didnt charge us

Also, my old boss from the summer says he may be opening a new business in a couple of weeks and I might get a job there

This is a good week. I will try to remember this next time I am down.

Thanks again xx

kelliet · 01-23-2009, 10:34 AM

It sounds like you are having more than your fair share of bad luck! I dont have any advice beyond the wonderful words of the previous posters. I do believe that crap happens in cycles and with a run like yours it has to turn around soon!

I have a work friend who had the most bizarre run of bad luck last year. It was one of those things that if I hadnt been there to witness it all I would have thought it was made up. She was keeping me updated on everything and then one day we started to laugh about it so much our sides hurt. It was one of those 'If I dont laugh I will cry moments' because what was happening to her was far from funny. Once we managed to pull ourselves together she said she felt so much better. She didnt need my advice she just needed validation that the whole thing was fricken insane and unfair!

Whats happening to you isnt "fair" and I hope it all works out for you soon
xoxoxoxoxoxo

iliketocolor · 01-28-2009, 02:56 AM

I know that a lot of cysters have been telling you that bad things don't just happen to you, but I gotta say it too. I feel this way all the time though, so i understand that feeling that life just hates you. My father was abusive and messed with my head. He then married an equally abusive wife who became my step mother. My step sister molested me. I have always been made fun of for being overweight not to mention the social outcastedness that i already felt because of my father. I was then diagnosed with depression. I finally stopped seeing my father and that side of the family, but i still have issues. Like with food. That was one way they used to control me. So i would go back to my mom's house and just eat because i could control it. So issues with food are still in the back of my head. Plus i have issues with men and just about everything else. My mother is very sick and my father doesn't pay any money he is supposed to. So we are so poor we can't even afford food anyway. My older brother flunked out of college and is living at home again. He is turning into my father and it scares the hell out of me. I can not find a job so i can't do anything to help. My car just broke, my bank just charged me $50 for going $2 over my account, I am turning 18 in 2 weeks and it is killing me that i won't have the money to change my last name to my mom's name instead of my dad's. Plus i am very sick with all my PCOS/bleeding disorder crap and my father who is in charge of getting health insurance for me and my brothers, has not done so.
I mean, there is a whole hell of alot more than i could ever explain here, but i just wanted to let you know that there are other people out there that feel just like you do. My younger brother hates that i watch Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, because it is all about rape and mureder and whatnot, but I find it helpful to know that there are other people out there that life is beating the crap out of.
Things do get better. I know they are for me and i just have to get through this.
So do you.

TheBigBite · 02-03-2009, 08:03 AM

Hi again.

I wanted to say thanks to those of you who took the time to reply. iliketocolor, I am sorry about all the crap that has happened to you, especially by the people who are supposed to care for you. I was 'lucky' in a way when I was 11 months old the government took us away from our birth mother for our protection (we were neglected, not abused, which I know is a big difference) and I grew up with a nice family.

Kellie, I hope your friend is having her share of "good luck" now, and that mine is just around the corner!