http://www.soulcysters.net PCOStories.com]]> en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:30:49 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soulcysters.net/images/styles/soul/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soulcysters.net http://www.soulcysters.net/i-feel-so-alone-will-long-295840/ Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:17:02 GMT We tried for 4y4m till we finally concieved my daughter. I had a wonderful pregnancy and a long, but not too bad labor/delivery. But ever since late in my pregnancy, I've felt so alone and DD is now 15 months old. I wouldn't say that I am depressed. I have no problem with energy, getting out of bed, wanting to do things, etc. I've been through depression and anxiety and was on meds for a year and this feels nothing like that. I just feel lonely.

I am self-employed w/ DH and take my daughter to work every day. The business is one DH started out of high school and is something that he is passionate about and he says many days he can't believe how people complain about going to work because he loves it. I on the other hand, am bored out of my mind. But it allows me the opportunity to have semi-flexible hours (we have a retail store, so at least one of us has to be there all the time as we have no employees) and to spend all day with my daughter which I am very greatful for. I used to be really bored (before DD) so I started doing two things on the side that I could do while at the business (I have an elected position as a tax collector and I am now a notary public). I HATE the tax collector position, but it's some money in the pocket and I just got elected for another 4 years and I'm in the process of suing the school district I collect for because they are trying to cut my pay by 70%. No one else wants the job, so I feel obligated to stay on. Plus I'm finally getting the hang of it. Because taxes were due 3 weeks after I gave birth, I was back to work for a few hours the day I came home from the hospital and back full-time the following week.

I thought I was unhappy since I've been married because the two things I really wanted I couldn't have. The first was a baby (which I've achieved) and the 2nd is to have a house of my own. We rented for 7.5 years. We finally moved into a home of our own that I designed on 13 acres and I'm absolutely thrilled about it. Couldn't be happier. But I designed it so that I would have room to entertain and I can't really find anyone to entertain. I sent 30 invites for a housewarming party and only heard back from 16 of them and only had about 18 people show up total. I invited all of DH's family (he has no siblings, so I invited MILs family who normally gets together on holidays). I sent 6 invites and only heard back from 3 and all were "no's". I had a small party for DD's 1st bday and only invited both sets of our parents, my sis and BIL, and two sets of friends we used to be very close with (one we used to hang out with every other weekend until they moved more than an hour away and now I rarely see them maybe 4-5 times a year, the others we used to spend nearly every night of the week with when DH was helping them for free on their farm, but once they sold the farm, the husband started driving truck full time again and now he's never home and the girls are now teens so they are always on the run too). The one's that had the farm said they'd try to come to the bday party and the housewarming party and then never bothered to show up or say they weren't coming.

I have NO friends. I've tried everything I can think of to meet new people. I've even been reaching out to people I cut out of my life who had done terrible things to me in the past. One is looking promising, but I'm not sure.

I can't find any activities to do with my daughter that are within reasonable driving distance and don't interfere with my work schedule.

I belong to a mommy group on this site and another and in three instances between the two groups, I have really upset people by things I said that were taken completely differently than I had intended. When I was joking or trying to make light of a situation, they thought I was making fun of them.

I feel no love for DH, but don't agree w/ divorce. He tells me a million times a day that he loves me, but I don't really want him to touch me. We rarely have sex and we have only been on one "date" in 15 months and that was for our anniversary in JANUARY! Despite saying he loves his job, he does get PO'ed quite a bit and yells at me and his dad (who helps us out for free). I told him in August that I would like him to plan a date for us and find a sitter, etc and it's nearly the end of november and he has yet to do so. Once we got married, the romance went out the window. He wasn't in the room when I delivered my daughter and I've been very disappointed in him as a father. I knew he had no experience with children but I thought that he would step up and learn. That hasn't happened one bit. He does not neglect DD, but he doesn't go out of his way to help with her or learn the things that need to be done to help take care of her. MIL has notices this too!

I feel like my parents abandoned me when I became a mother. When I found out I was pregnant they bought a business nearly across the country from us (and their home) and they now travel most of the year. When they do come home they expect me to rearrange my life to make room for them. When they are gone, they rarely call and I bought webcams so they could see DD and this last time they were gone for nearly two full months and only used them one time. They expect to keep DD when they come back and I'm not really ready to party with her unless I absolutely have to. My Bday was in May and they gave me an IOU for a gift and when I told them what I wanted a month or so later, my mom "forgot" and I have yet to see what I asked for. DH got $100 cash from them on his bday in July! I was livid!

I am a stampin' up demo and I used to teach classes of up to 15 people on a weekly basis and I've been trying since I moved to get things going again, but I only hear from 2-3 people and i've ended up cancelling most of the classes I planned due to lack of interest. I've even tried contact a local community center where I used to offer classes and they have not responded. Things did not end badly and they have had several different people in the position to set up the classes, so I don't think it has anything to do with me.

I'm overweight and working my butt off at the gym, watching what I eat and still can't lose weight. I bfed dd for a year and maintained my weight all that time despite having a huge appetite. When I quit bfing, my appetite dropped but I've lost only about 5-7 lbs. I'm only 4 or so lbs more than I was when I conceived, but still in a size larger than I ever was at my heaviest (so 2-3 sizes larger than I was when I conceived). I can't find clothing that flatters my figure and my pants are always falling down (DD also helps pull them down).

DD is 15 months, so she's starting to throw temper tantrums and I am at a loss of how to handle this. She was always well-behaved unless she was tired. I feel like I'm a great mother 99% of the time and MIL tells me how proud of me she is but my mom just things I'm overbearing!

I am just feeling all alone. I'm happy in my interactions with my daughter, but every other aspect of my life makes me feel all alone. Thanks for letting me share my feelings and if you read this far, thank you for your time! ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar jthoman http://www.soulcysters.net/i-feel-so-alone-will-long-295840/ http://www.soulcysters.net/i-just-need-someone-who-understands-295793/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:41:16 GMT i am havin a horrible time coping with the loss of my son and this whole pcos thing. i have no one to go to. please allow me to rant a little. pcos has plagued me since i hit puberty. i have always been fat , depressed, lack of energy and irregular periods. was not until 08 i was diagnosed. in 07 i stopped having af completely. so i was put on bcp. we got off to ttc. no af and i was having severe cramps. turned out i had cysts. went on met, provera, clomid. no luck. just had wedging 2 months ago. every one keeps getting pregnant. why not me? its driving me to isolation. i can not be around pregnant women or babies. i cry. all it is is a reminder of what i have lost and what i can not have. i need someone who understands and who i can share these feeings with. cause i feel so alone. i am havin a horrible time coping with the loss of my son and this whole pcos thing. i have no one to go to. please allow me to rant a little. pcos has plagued me since i hit puberty. i have always been fat , depressed, lack of energy and irregular periods. was not until 08 i was diagnosed. in 07 i stopped having af completely. so i was put on bcp. we got off to ttc. no af and i was having severe cramps. turned out i had cysts. went on met, provera, clomid. no luck. just had wedging 2 months ago. every one keeps getting pregnant. why not me? its driving me to isolation. i can not be around pregnant women or babies. i cry. all it is is a reminder of what i have lost and what i can not have. i need someone who understands and who i can share these feeings with. cause i feel so alone. ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar shaunsmom04 http://www.soulcysters.net/i-just-need-someone-who-understands-295793/ http://www.soulcysters.net/horrible-emotional-pms-295754/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:45:00 GMT Hi: I'm new here. Glad I found you all. Anyone else experience depressive/anxiety symptoms just with PMS? I'm "fine" most of the month, but since our triplets were born two years ago I get so emotional, extremely irritable, no patience, very angry the week before my period. My dr. prescribed Zoloft, but I don't want to take it, just for one week of the month. Someone has recommended vitamin supplements. I'm not on Metformin. Maybe that would help. Anyone know if Progesterone cream hellps? I dont know!!!!!!!!! Thanks! ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Carranza3plets http://www.soulcysters.net/horrible-emotional-pms-295754/ http://www.soulcysters.net/sigh-what-295627/ Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:32:53 GMT I dont know if its the change in the weather or the changes inside me but i feel just ever so upset lately ... Im feel like im stuck on auto pilot i just cant focus and seem to enjoy my daily life .. I mean im a pretty laidback person but lately im on edge and very sensitive it seems everything is hurting my feelings ... i know im not pregnant .. and when my emotions seem to come back down i feel kinda silly like what was that about ..whats happening to me? I dont know if its the change in the weather or the changes inside me but i feel just ever so upset lately ... Im feel like im stuck on auto pilot i just cant focus and seem to enjoy my daily life .. I mean im a pretty laidback person but lately im on edge and very sensitive it seems everything is hurting my feelings ... i know im not pregnant .. and when my emotions seem to come back down i feel kinda silly like what was that about ..whats happening to me? ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Delicate Soul http://www.soulcysters.net/sigh-what-295627/ http://www.soulcysters.net/random-depression-295411/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:14:12 GMT I'm new to this site and haven't done much of posting, just reading what everyone else has to say. But lately I've been having horrible mood swing spells I don't know if it's depression or anger problems or my job. My moods are very random and it seems that I get mad at little things quite easily, things that used to never bother me but now do. I will literally freak out on co workers and my boyfriend, then i start to cry because I don't understand why I feel like this and I don't know how to help it... is this a problem that comes with pcos? I've never been unhappy like this before and now it just seems that it takes a lot for me to just be happy and very little to really upset me.... does anyone have advice I'm really trying to stay away from anti depressants.... ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar CGNyki http://www.soulcysters.net/random-depression-295411/ http://www.soulcysters.net/my-depression-mood-swings-295347/ Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:58:11 GMT Hey y'all...I don't think I have posted yet but I thought I would start off on this thread since it seems to be the biggest issue with me.

I have my good days and bad days like everyone else, but it seems I have more bad than good. I was diagnosed with PCOS in June and the gynecologist I went to put me on Metformin (since I found out I'm a type 2 diabetic as well), spironolactone (which I had to stop taking b/c it was making me sick all the time and raising my BP) and birth control pills. I just turned 23 in October and I've had depression ever since at least when I turned a teenager.

I have some times where I wanna do things around the house and I'm happy...but maybe a few hours later, I feel like just locking myself up in my room and never coming out b/c I feel so sad and worthless. I never know from one moment to the next if I'm gonna be in a good mood or a bad mood.

I have had suicidal tendencies as well but I always talk myself out of that. The thing is that I don't have anything to be sad about, I have a pretty decent life...I'm going to college, I got family and friends that love me, I've even lost some weight this year, but I still feel sad most of the time.

I would get help but I can't because I have no job, no money and no insurance. And the free clinic here, you have to wait a whole year for any kind of mood disorders to get any kind of help. My parents (I live with them for the time being) are paying for the pills I'm on now for my diabetes & pcos and I've done asked them to help me get med. for whatever is going on with me (depression, mood swings, whatever it is) but they just tell me, "deal with it until you can get help yourself."

So, what I'm asking is this...how can I help myself feel better or deal with what's going on with me until I can afford to get help?
]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar octoberlightning http://www.soulcysters.net/my-depression-mood-swings-295347/ http://www.soulcysters.net/i-can-t-do-any-longer-295113/ Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:25:39 GMT I feel like I'm getting weaker and weaker. I don't know if I have PCOS, but all I know is I have terrible acne and hair(probably partly due to being Armenian). The last two years have been terrible for me, everything that I wanted is being stripped away from me (I'm typing this as I'm flooding with tears). I can't keep doing this, everyday I think about kiilling myself, and everyday I get closer and closer. I see no point to life anymore. I've messed up everything I've had because I'm too scared to leave my house. I feel completely alone. People wonder why I'm always single and dates wonder why I have to end things within a few dates. Everytime I get near intiamcy with someone, I have to back off, not because I'm scared of sex, but because of him finding out my lies. I feel like I live a lie. I cover myself in foundation and and shave my entire body and cover it in foundation so they cannot see, then I eventually become tired of spending 3 hours to look decent and yet still bruised with razor cuts, to be able to see someone for a few hours. It becomes unworth it. I had one date ask me why I didn't shave my ass. I was humiliated. I'll hold a job for a few months, then quit since I become so self conscious and my skin begins to explode with acne, and make up is no longer enough. I hate my life, I hate IT, I can't even come up with a word to describe how much I HATE myself. I WILL kill myself. The only thing keeping me alive is my grandmother and the fact I know how much this will effect her, but I'm tired of living for everyone else. I can't do this. It hurts too much. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you guys. ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Nad4321 http://www.soulcysters.net/i-can-t-do-any-longer-295113/ http://www.soulcysters.net/do-you-feel-super-depressed-because-you-have-pcos-294802/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:39:09 GMT I'm normally really optimistic, even overly optimistic at times, but the past couple of weeks or so I've been crying for like an hour or more at night and I can't sleep because I'm so incredibly depressed about having PCOS. Pretty much every aspect of it sucks, but the hair loss is just killing me. I used to have such pretty hair that people commented on. I always wore it really long. Not crazy long, just maybe below my shoulderblades, a little longer. I still have it long but now it's to put up in a bun to try and conceal how hideously thinned out it is and how you can see my scalp all over. Then I feel like I can't talk about how incredibly depressed I am because people will worry, but it's not like I think I have depression where medication will help, medication won't bring back my hair, the reason I'm so upset. I mean, it's bad enough dealing with being fat, having hair where it ought not to be (but thinking, ok, I'll save up and get laser treatments), and the acne problems, but to lose my hair? It's like the last straw. I simply cannot deal. I'm going to beg for spiro my next visit, but I almost wonder if I need like Minoxidil or something. Then that depresses me because if it works, I'm going to use Minoxidil and explain to a guy I might date, oh hey, I'm using Minoxidil for my balding, sexy right? I just feel so hopeless, and like doctors don't get that this is more than just a disease/disorder/syndrome, whatever you want to call it, of aesthetics and fertility. It really tears away at your self esteem. I mean, I can't watch tv/movies or look at my sisters because I'm fixated on their hair. I look at magazines and every other page is an ad with a model with gorgeous flowing hair. I just wish there was more to do than spironolactone, or finasteride, or bcp, or minoxidil, or laser treatments, or nizoral. Why can't doctors cure this already? There has to be a cause for PCOS. I just want my hair back so badly that I'm kinda mourning it I think. Sorry for rambling on but I can't sleep again, every time I dream it's some stress induced dream about my appearance so I cannot find any reprieve from thinking about it. Too bad you can't go back in time to before you displayed symptoms and tell yourself to go to a doctor to try and stave off the symptoms as long is possible. Oh, and if any of you come across any ideas or new therapies for growing back hair because of PCOS, please send me a message on here. I realize this is the depression/anxiety page but I figured if I wrote all about being depressed in the hair loss section people would refer me here anyhow. Thanks for listening. It feels a little good to be able to complain to people who know what I'm going through. I only wish I was as strong as some people on here who can cope with their hair loss. I know I can't. I mean, if the loss would stop, great, amazing in fact, but if I can't grow back any of my hair, I'll freak out, I'm sure of it. ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar ccat http://www.soulcysters.net/do-you-feel-super-depressed-because-you-have-pcos-294802/ http://www.soulcysters.net/bupropion-sr-seasonal-depression-294783/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:11:55 GMT I finally went to the Dr. last week to discuss my seasonal depression. She prescribed 100mg of Bupropion SR once per day for 7 days then 100mg 2x per day after that. Today is day 3 on this new med. I took it this morning at around 8am and at about 5pm I started having tingling sensations on the right side of my face, down my arms to my fingertips and down my legs to my toes. Is that normal?

I was also prescribed Cipro for Sinusitis while I was there. So I'm not sure which medication is causing this.

Any help would be wonderful! Thanks!! ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Lane http://www.soulcysters.net/bupropion-sr-seasonal-depression-294783/ http://www.soulcysters.net/anyone-else-easily-irritated-294686/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:35:34 GMT I was thinking about it and I wonder if PCOS and the higher testosterone levels is linked with aggression/anger/irritability.

Men are usually more aggressive and usually use anger in place of sadness.

I wonder if since I have such high testosterone levels, if this is the reason I am easily irritated and I would rather use anger instead of sadness for emotion?

For example, like if someone says something hurtful to me, I get mad and all huffy about it, and not sit and cry about it. Right now, I am having severe family issues and whenever I have contact with the lady that gave birth to me or my sisters, I am irritated. They say mean things to me and I know it is said to hurt my feelings, so I jsut get mad at the fact that they exist....I don't want to sit and cry about it, so I just get mad and later just get over it. I get irritated at the thought of certain family members.

Have any of you noticed anything similar in your emotions? ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Leighbie87 http://www.soulcysters.net/anyone-else-easily-irritated-294686/ http://www.soulcysters.net/depression-pcos-294667/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:46:18 GMT I was just wondering if you have PCOS and Depression, how much of it is because of the PCOS. I have been diagnosed as being depressive. Sometimes I can go for a long time without meds and function fine, other times its like I am a sudden mess. Little things upset me and make me stressed or cry or whatever. It is like I am a hormonal wreck waiting to happen. I have my first psych appointment in a long time next week. I am going in there like I have a clean slate and never been diagnosed as anything particular except being oppressed. A few years back I was told I was bi-polar but the last psych I saw for a couple of visits was not convinced that was what I had. Sadly I was not able to go back because of lack of insurance. The psych I am going to see on Wednesday, I honestly am not sure about but she is the only one I can see. So I am going to try and be prepared for it the best that I can. Honestly though I am nervous about it all. I am still going through some stuff and trying to get a diagnosis of PCOS. It isn't 100% confirmed or not yet but based on my labs and symptoms I have had I am sure of I have it. My doctor was mainly wanting to see if it was a thyroid problem or not. Thyroid is clear so that is not it. Anyways onto the depression thing. Any ideas how I can sum up my past mental history and be short, sweet to the point and put it down onto paper to talk with the psych about. My thoughts tend to race sometimes so it makes it hard for me to remember stuff and make sense sometimes. So I am trying to figure out how to get the most out of the appointment and make as much sense as I can without sounding rushed. Thanks ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar hiddendesires http://www.soulcysters.net/depression-pcos-294667/ http://www.soulcysters.net/why-do-i-feel-i-want-294415/ Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:10:25 GMT Kill myself. i hate it and its silly i could have a great life its only me holding it back:boxedin:. errr i in bed wanting to die run away from work today :i_injured:tombstone Kill myself.

i hate it and its silly i could have a great life its only me holding it back:boxedin:. errr i in bed wanting to die run away from work today :i_injured:tombstone ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar vdubs http://www.soulcysters.net/why-do-i-feel-i-want-294415/ http://www.soulcysters.net/do-any-other-cysters-find-294318/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:11:40 GMT I am really fighting a losing battle with my docs to get any help for my pcos. Although I am thin and I have facial hair and hair in places where I shouldn't, I find that the real impact of my pcos is on my emotional state of mind. There is defo a serious chemical imbalance going on.The real problem I am having is that I feel so ugly and totally unnattractive, even tho my bf is always telling me that I am beautiful. Whenevr we go anywhere and I see him looking in another woman's direction it sends me in to a mad insane frenzy and I find myself saying a lot of things that I don't mean.It's like I am jealous of every other woman on this earth and I know that isn't normal. Any advice or if anyone has had this or similar problems , I'd love to hear from you . Magz xxxxxx:love: ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar magzarooni http://www.soulcysters.net/do-any-other-cysters-find-294318/ http://www.soulcysters.net/he-ended-our-relationship-i-m-not-coping-all-294148/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:14:45 GMT My boyfriend ended our relationship 3 days ago in the most awful way. He took me out for food and drinks with his family and then dumped me infront of them. I tried to take an overdose but he caught me and flushed all of the tablets down the sink. I was put on Prozac just over a week ago by my doctor because I was crying all of the time and I was starting to feel a little better but obviously now i'm just in tears all of the time. I love him so much and I miss him terribly. I've gone from having his company to being alone with my daughter and i'm just not coping. The anxiety is unreal and I can't eat or sleep. I am not suicidal now and realise how stupid I was being in thinking about taking an overdose. I just have no idea how to get over feeling this horrible. I just want him back so badly and I know that it's not going to happen, i'm just so sad, I feel as if my heart is breaking. Any help or advice that anyone can take the time to give me would be greatly appreciated xx ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar SillyandSad http://www.soulcysters.net/he-ended-our-relationship-i-m-not-coping-all-294148/ http://www.soulcysters.net/been-metformin-three-months-having-crazy-pms-294078/ Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:04:11 GMT I've known bout this disease I have pcos since 2007.. My dr. put me on Met. 1000mg daily and prenatal vit.. At first it was hard for me to understand how could therapy for me be to take pills for sumthing I didnt have. I took the pills on and off than I finally stop them. Dec.2008 I was diagnosis with diabetes type 2.... To make along story short, I just recently started taking both pills faithfully for the last 5 months, as soon as I started pms begin to come monthly... But I have so many questions... I have weird pains and both ovarys all the time, my last two periods has been very clotted with heavy flows. last two periods two weeks before my breast has been really sore and lower backaches up unto I get the period... will this met. make me normal??? ]]> Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar skriller http://www.soulcysters.net/been-metformin-three-months-having-crazy-pms-294078/